therapy update

had trauma therapy tuesday afternoon as usual but for some reason it's really foggy. we can't remember anything about it except for feeling very anxious.

we've been somewhat obsessively tidying the living room. have arranged the bookshelves mostly to our satisfaction. filled one bookshelf with movies.

just one last area to tackle, by the keyboard.

It sounds like the trauma therapy addressed an important and very difficult aspect of your traumas. At least it happened in therapy and the therapist helped you through it.

I guess that later on, when you'll be more ready to face the memories head-on, it'll come back.

Hang in there. It's difficult, it's a long process, but it's worth it. And kudos for the tidying up! I found that tidying things around in the physical world helped me organizing things in my own head.

__
Zami.

we've been obsessively tidying the living room for days, arranging every single book, decorative item...

its been oddly satisfying. honestly, our living room was an embarrassing cluttered disaster before we started cleaning, long overdue to be set right. so we started in one little area and went from there, bit by bit. its much improved and there is just one bit left to tidy.

have a brief eye appointment soon. its less than a block from home so our agoraphobia shouldn't be an issue.

this week has been flying by, probably because we're so busy.

arrived at therapy in distress, from the trip and anxiety. we related we had experienced resistance to going to therapy. couldn't identify why.

much of it is fading but we remember talking about the anger and rage, how deeply ingrained our responses to feeling anger are.

again (apparently) our therapist explained that we talk about the emotions we experience as happening now no matter what we are talking about. this confused us. something about not being able to identify that we are in the throes of a powerful emotional flashback.

she asked us a question, "what would happen if the littles knew they were safe?"

this caused an immediate emotional reaction, fear, and confusion. um, no clue why.

then we heard a voice say, "you won't need me anymore." we mentioned this.

um, really only remember feeling really confused and somewhat upset. she may have brought us back (?).

If your Littles think they exist only to protect you from unsafe things, they might feel un-needed if you are safe now. This might be something to discuss with them. That they are needed here and now, in the safety of the present, just as much as they were needed there and then for protection.

Emotional flashbacks are not just "looking at old photos of old emotions". They are, re-experiencing the emotions here and now. They are about things from there and then, but the emotions still happen here and now.

I hope I made sense for you.

Good luck on your therapy journey.

__
Theo van Hohenheim.

ArbreMonde wrote:If your Littles think they exist only to protect you from unsafe things, they might feel un-needed if you are safe now. This might be something to discuss with them. That they are needed here and now, in the safety of the present, just as much as they were needed there and then for protection.

Emotional flashbacks are not just "looking at old photos of old emotions". They are, re-experiencing the emotions here and now. They are about things from there and then, but the emotions still happen here and now.

I hope I made sense for you.

Good luck on your therapy journey.

__
Theo van Hohenheim.

thanks! the problem seems to be getting caught down the rabbit hole in a storm of dreadfully negative emotions

arrived at therapy very distraught, in tears, near collapse. was very very scared. we identified the fear was coming from inside a closet. someone had buried themselves beneath blankets and/or pillows.

it quickly transpired that someone had pulled them bodily from the closet. we, um, then went inside and had to be brought back. we had had a reliving, a flashback, to something that had happened to us, or more specifically to "the girl in the closet".

we won't go into specifics but it was, of course, abusive. her interpretation of it is more symbolic (?) than literal, we're assuming because of her young age. she communicates through imagery and emotion.

then switched and didn't know where we were briefly, our therapist clearly noticed, even telling us to look around the office. she must be really used to this by now, lol.

we then brought up the anorexia thing with her and she said she hadn't noticed any noticeable changes in us.

then we began talking about a sexual matter we won't go into detail about. our therapist made a point we hadn't thought of so we're reevaluating some things.

then we somehow got talking about... um, something. ok, guess that's all we remember.