Kitty lover’s healing journey

Hey kittylover folks,

We're sorry for all that stuff you went through. And we hope it helps for you to be here and find support from people who understand and care.

MDs

Trigger warnings-sexual abuse , mention of satan?/biblical introject
We’ve been doing better the past few days *knocks on wood* . We’re adjusting to all the new information as well as there being more of us then we’re used to. The recent additions of Vanessa , Marianne (age 12 ) and Satan (who is trying to be a good/better person/devil despite who he is an introject of) takes us to 10 active alters that I know of , and some of us think there may be many more yet to be found. We had our first job interview today , there’s this coffee shop that is hiring people with disabilities that is opening in our area. It’s not what we want to do forever (we want to be a therapist because the world needs more of those who understand what it’s like to struggle with mental illnesss and trauma, but we need a master’s degree for that and we had a very difficult time in college due to many factors such as the fact that I realized that our dad sexually abused us while I was in college and were sexually assaulted by a hallmate while living in the dorms) but the body is 25 and we have never had a real job before , so we need the experience . Hopefully by working in that type of environment we won’t have to deal with as many “Karen’s” , because not wanting to deal with them is the main reason we aren’t going for one of the many other customer service type jobs that are hiring right now.

Hello to the new ones!

Well, our system includes introjects of "villains" in their original stories, yet they still are very sweet as system members so, don't judge an introject by their original material

Good luck dealing with the flashbacks and the job thing!

__
Urielles.

Tw-pregnancy loss

Feeling all sorts of feelings right now… angry at myself for not being able to save my baby…. Wishing I could just move on , both from that particular incident and the trauma in general …..but my brain and body keep reminding me….. I’m tired of this I just want to be normal….

being Haunted by the past is probably, for us, the worst part of this condition. we try to remind ourselves that we were not the ones to blame.

So basically since we were like 12 we’ve been seeing this therapist who mostly sees autistic kids and doesn’t have much experience with trauma , and certainly none with DID . We mostly have always focused on my current life and not on my past trauma. When I was like 16 I developed a crush on her , and though that faded with time the shadow of it on our relationship never went away. A big part of my hold up with trauma therapy is that when I was in the middle of my mental breakdown at 18 I briefly saw a therapist with a lot of experience with csa , and I felt talked down to by her (some people think they should talk to autistic people like they are children , even when they are adults) . Anyway point is I was comfortable with the same therapist that I had been seeing for so long even though I knew I needed more expertise then she could offer. Now she’s going on to a different job at the end of the month. So kind of bittersweet , I’m losing a relationship I’ve had for so long but it gives me a good excuse to look for someone new. Though the idea of having to talk more about my trauma to a new person is pretty scary. I never talked to even my current therapist about the RA stuff. I sometimes wonder if I’m going crazy and it isn’t real myself….

I’m feeling depressed right now. Like we’ll never be free from our trauma. I feel like I’ll never trust a therapist enough to say we we probably SRA. I asked the place I go to my mental health day program and psychiatrist about getting hooked up with a therapist there , they see so many different mental health problems there that people don’t get freaked out when I say I have a dissociative disorder. They said they couldn’t get me in until September. I’m struggling to feel hopeful about the future . I’m a 25 year old who hasn’t had a real job or a real romantic relationship. When I was a kid , I had all sorts of dreams , sometimes I wanted to be a doctor , sometimes I wanted to be president , I saw myself getting married and having kids , now I don’t know if I’ll ever even be able to get pregnant again , if I’m damaged in my reproductive parts. All I really want now is to find some sort of happiness .

Trigger warnings -pregnancy , forced abortion

My stepsister is pregnant . Last night at one point we suddenly went from happiness and excitement , to sadness and grief. Sometimes we hear ominous voices that feel like alters but we can’t tell who they are coming from. One of them said something about our abusers trying to get us pregnant again after the forced abortion and failing….. we hope maybe it’s because our dad put some kind of birth control in us or something .but we’re afraid it may be because something got damaged in there from them performing a second trimester abortion on a 13 year old without proper medical supervision. So our feelings are both about the baby we lost but the fact that we may never get to experience what our stepsister (hopefully) will -going through a healthy pregnancy that results in the birth of a living child.

Trigger warning-Ritual abuse, self harm
I feel like I don’t know what to do with myself now. The cult always used to tell me what to do…. I know they were bad people, but I felt like I belonged with them.Now all of the sudden I’m in a 25 year old body , and I’m 12. I just feel angry , and confused , and tempted to hurt the body. -marriane

Hi, Marianne.

Sorry you're feeling g so bad. Being a kid in an adult body is not easy. I know. Hoping you don't do anything harmful!

As for the cult thing, we don't know what that's like but we've heard of a woman who left the military and she felt kind of lost having to live life on her own and do normal life stuff. We also knew someone who went to prison and felt weird when we was released, being so used to being guarded all the time and told what to do. Maybe that is how you feel?

Hoping you find solace somewhere in something and stay safe!

- Grant and other kids