Journey Thread- Ponyta

Thank you TheGangsAllHere, Zami, and the Neighborhood! We greatly appreciate your replies!

We are trying to appeal, but it is so hard to get anywhere with them. They hung up three times. The third one was supposed to call us back, if we got disconnected (she said she would), BUT she never did. It's crazy. No one there seems to know what they are doing. They say they will transfer you to the right department, then when someone finally does answer, we have to tell them the info (we told the first one), all over again. PLUS then it seems they're like we aren't the right department for that (Proceed to transfer us yet again). UGH! At least, hopefully anyway, we managed to get the right person last time. Hopefully. They are supposed to call back tomorrow. I don't know though. We're kinda leery about that. Especially since how the "place" is acting.

Unfortunately, we can't afford to pay out of pocket (especially with as many times as we need to go). If the appeal doesn't get us anywhere, then we most definitely are going to try changing insurance. That in itself is going to be a mess though. We'll have to wait until next month for it to even begin (we contacted a different insurance, just in case we do decide to change). Well, we checked a few.

The main one we have in mind is actually cheaper on some things, but more expensive on other things (so we're not 100% positive about it), BUT we really like that they said we can go to the T we want.

We might check on a few more, but so far we are really thinking about the one we picked. At least we have a back-up plan, if the appeal fails. Hopefully the appeal doesn't fail though.

Oh, and I don't know if it is because of all the added stress with this insurance issue (it probably is), but the inner world is shaking really bad at times. Plus I'm hearing things (in the inner world), that the others can't hear. I mean, and they should be able to hear the things because they are really loud, so it must be some reason why only I can hear them. It's like a private message or something, BUT I literally can't understand what they are saying. It sounds almost like some kind of animal. I began hearing those things (in the inner world), right after the inner world shook really bad today.

I don't know if it's only one of them trying to contact me, or if more are. Why I say that, is because, also right after the shaking stopped, someone hollered "HELP!" No one (near me) said they were able to hear it. So yeah. Strange. Either the one making the sounds knows the word "Help", or it's more than one trying to get my attention. I actually think it is the same one, because the voice sounded almost like the same voice making the other sounds.

I got a picture of some area (in the inner world) pop in my mind (Almost like a map, showing how to get to that location). I'll have to go investigate. I'm worried about them.

We are still working on the appeal. So she (Insurance person) did call back, but still didn't get anywhere. UGH! I'm hoping this will get straightened out before we were supposed to have our next appointment, BUT it doesn't appear likely.

The insurance people are saying that before they can even consider covering going to this T (Even though we were going there long before the billing problems began) that they must first see if they can find someone else, in our area, for us to go to. How lovely that we won't have a say in that, it seems.

I would not put it past them to say, "Oh you can go to this T." By this T, I mean our last one who re-traumatized us by how she acted. I sure hope they don't pull that garbage. All the money in the word would never convince us to go back there again. It was that bad. We still are triggered by remembering that T. And the worst part is, She told us she specialized in DID (she claims she helped MANY people before who had it). We are really worried about those people. We hope she didn't do the same to them.

If they do pull that, then forget it, we're done with them. We DEFINITELY are going to switch insurances, in that case.

------------------- I don't know why suddenly the lights appeared to dim. That keeps happening lately. I'm wondering if that is connected to the inner world. The lights in the outer world look perfectly fine, but yet I visibly saw the room get darker. Weird. I would say it is possibly the lighting, BUT yet to happen different places (seems rather unusual). Then again, it has been happening in the inner world too (connected to the strange inner world shaking phenomenon).

It didn't feel like a switch was going to happen. I do know my vision goes strange around that time, BUT this is different.
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The inner world is acting SUPER weird. One time it is abnormally quiet. Next time the troublemakers are distressing me. Then other times the inner world is shaking. It has been going from blurry in places, to clear, then to total darkness, back to somewhat clear. Plus someone is still hollering at times for me to help them. I haven't been able to find them yet.

I don't know if the outer world problems are adding to the chaos (more than likely they are. I mean, I know they are, BUT, I mean if this is causing the weirdness.) Maybe it's just a coincidence that the inner world is acting weird right now. I know we had weird earthquakes before. BUT this current shaking is quite different. It's not just the ground. The inner world air itself is also shaking (if that even makes sense).

I typed a long message about what I thought was going on, but then I deleted it. I felt I was speaking nonsense. It is the denial making me feel that way. If my theory (that I deleted is correct), then our inner world just doubled in size. (Well from my viewpoint anyway). The others seem to know a lot more, than me, about how big it is. The protectors, for one, haven't told me everything (they know) about our inner world. They have been saying for years that the inner world is FAR bigger than I know. So yeah, I can see why they didn't tell me everything. Just feeling like it doubled in size makes me feel crazy.

The protectors aren't panicking about what's going on (regarding the abnormal shaking), so I'm guessing they know what is going on, and that they have it under control. Either that, or they are appearing to stay calm to not make every one else panic. That could highly be likely as well. One strange thing is they are suddenly having meetings more than ever. So I don't know about that.

UGH, I don't know why I keep logging back to back, But I'm so sad and stressed right now.

Someone (in our inner world) is triggered that I even mentioned our old T. Sorry about that. It has me upset too. I'm not the only one who feels our insurance is going to say, "Oh, you can go there." That in itself has A LOT of us SUPER upset, including the one I accidentally triggered. Sorry again. I didn't mean to upset you. I'll try my best not to mention her anymore.

We read, we care, and we send our moral support.

__
David & Isaïa.

Hoping your insurance problems and inner world get better. Much love, if wanted.

- Marcella and the N'hood

sorry to hear of such a frustrating situation to have to deal with. we hope it comes to a positive resolution.

Thank you David & Isaïa, Marcella and the N'hood, and littleDaria! We greatly appreciate your kind words!

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We haven't been feeling so good all day. We are dissociating REALLY Bad again. Plus I have a BAD headache right now. We had a bad headache last night too.

This whole mess is really upsetting us, and it STILL isn't straightened out yet. UGH!

The insurance doesn't even seem to be doing what they said they were going to do. What are they waiting on? UGH. Just talking about it, I feel myself almost It apparently happened again. By it, I mean switching. I don't have the best hold right now, but the one typing just got pulled back. We aren't doing so great. It's been gradually worsening since the insurance issue came up. We keep switching randomly all day today. I feel myself slipping, so I better stop writing for now.

If we don't have enough stress as it is, we got yet another MAJOR worry (Outer world). It is a whole separate issue from the ones we already mentioned. I don't really want to go into details (right now), because it is very triggering for us right now.

We already are losing time like something awful again. I apparently switched last night, found out I was in the kitchen (I have no clue why), I went to get back on the computer, only to find the computer was turned off.

It's been happening A LOT again.

UGH! I just remembered several things I forgot to do, because of this. I need to go do those things right now, before I switch again. Hopefully I can get them done. Who knows, at the rate we've been switching.