How do you make the bad days better?

I don’t want to give away too many details, but our bad days are very bad. Bad thoughts, lots of crying, it can be debilitating at times and get in the way of our job. We don’t know how to stop it, whoever is feeling those feelings at the time seem to be stuck at the front when it happens. A lot of bad things happened last month so it’s really been affecting us lately. So, my question is, what do you guys do to stop it? Or at least how can we calm things down. I hope this makes sense, I’m dissociating like mad at the moment.

- Dalton & Tina

Grounding, self-care, distraction.

We had something really upsetting happen today, and couldn't fall back to sleep after we woke up in the middle of the night. So instead of lying there thinking and crying, we got up and have been reading this forum and reddit. We're also hugging a large stuffed bear.

It can also help to write the thoughts down in a journal, so that whoever is thinking them feels heard.

The book the Mind Body Stress Reset has helped us a lot. It has simple exercises that start to get the mind and body to help each other calm down rather than the opposite. Before, we would be more stuck in a negative feedback loop where even if we stopped thinking distressing things, our body would remind us we were upset, and then we would go right back to those thoughts, which would keep the body in an upset state, etc.

Some of the things helping us include but are not limited to:

- putting cold water on the face using a washcloth, while holding our breath (it triggers the mammalian diving reflex which helps calming down stress)
- moving our body: walk, push-ups, sit-ups, squats... it helps releasing dopamine in the body
- doing some self-care: making tea or hot cocoa; cutting fruits and putting them on a pretty plate then eating it with a fork, fancy-style; applying body lotion with a scent we like; taking a shower or a bath; using breathing technique apps to help us doing some relaxation
- artistic expression: through drawing, painting, journalling, collage... we express the feelings upsetting us
- distraction: movie, music, reading, or some puzzle game (mahjong, solitaire, sudoku, crossowords... this kind of things) - when all the previous fail, we mindlessly scroll through meme boards. Puzzle games help you calm down the emotional parts of the brain which helps shutting down the over-the-top emotional reactions. Other types of distraction helps you hunt down some happy brain chemicals.

It does not turn a bad day into a good one but, it helps making the bad days more bearable.

As soon as you find something that helps you even if only a very little, make sure to write it down somewhere in a list of "Things to do again when feeling down". The more you use the tools helping you, the more efficient they become. The more tools you try in a row, the higher your chances to find the things that will help you in a given moment.

Good luck.

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van Hohenheim.