Kit & Vulcans found the connection (we think!)

HI Jody here

So last night ended up being a long exhausting virtual meeting between myself, Kit and our 2 vulcan introjects Spock and T'Pol.

We think they've found a connection.

so...first 7yrs no memory ..'most' people on average have some memories from roughly around 4-5yrs old (first bike, favourite teddy, doll etc) we have none but at that time were on phenobarbitone for what was thought to be epilepsy at the time.

They stopped them at 7 (no idea why) but our memories of our first alters start from around that age.. a vulcan child was our very first memory of 'another self inside'. ..from then on we had 'imaginery friends' or talked to others in our head as we got older. (in those days it would be changelings presenting as our favourite pop stars or TV characters and they'd help us talk things through and work things out)

When the host (then 'Thea') was at university in the final years she was found in a car park in a confused state by another student and taken to the university medical centre. When the Dr checked out history he found she had had epilepsy in the past but could find no reason that we were taken off them so put us back on anti-epileptic drugs(newer ones this time. Quite a high dose of 2 different medications!

I've been told during the time on this medication 'the others' could not reach the front at all. This was when we started to get first symptoms of 'having a breakdown'.. (the changelings couldn't get out to help the host cope with the constant 'sensory overload' and pressure of final year exams etc). Thea switched to Kit before the medications took complete effect and she still managed to get us out with a upper second honours degree.

This is when the host (now Kit in full autistic overload mode) ended up in the unit and been told they had autism and had not 'outgrown' it! (The original had just been told they'd had a 'slow start' in childhood due to another medical condition they had been born with causing developmental delays)

Anyway at some point in this unit Kit must have forgotten or deliberately not taken the epilepsy meds (she says she can't remember which) ..Phoenix was able to reach her but in order to not scare her as she was already 'fragile' she presented to her as her mothers figure in a dream, telling her to remember to keep them (the insiders) a secret and they'd help her 'get out' so she could get her own dog.

Kit started weaning herself off the meds at first taking some but hiding others and dumping them when she got taken out for 'shopping' or 'computer course'. (which also gave her internet access to get on housing list and find herself a flat!) By the time she had managed to secure her own flat and leave the unit she was off the epilepsy meds and the system had full communication once again.

Now we have that information the original remembers she did know about 'the system' before 'Maddie' evolved (due to other unexpected medical complications that came on suddenly). There was a chunk of memory missing from 'Maddie's time' too originally (who always believed she was a singleton for years) but 'adult Susan' now seems to have have access to this...or at least the parts she wanted - our last dogs full life and the memory of the bond and their favourite times and places.

So anyway ...we're asking has anyone else found a connection between medication such as Phenobarbitone (Phenobarbitol), Epilim and Sabril preventing dissociation and could they have caused the complete memory loss for those periods of time?

Cos Host remembers UP TO the point she was put on them at Uni then huge chunk missing then memory returning as insiders were able to get out to help her again... over the last 5 years as we've done the trip down 'memory lane' more alters and memories have re-emerged.

So she's thinking the 'complex partial seizures' back at uni, weren't that at all they were dissociative episodes such as feeling she was out of her body and severe 'brain fog'. ..so maybe if we'd never have been put on the epilepsy meds the 'breakdown' wouldn't have happened as the changelings would have just carried on in the background helping her without her knowing?

Jody

p.s sorry that ended up way too long, haven't got time to edit as need to get the dog out and get back for the delivery of his food. Thanks for reading if you got to the end!!

Hi Jody,

The thing about being multiple is we need all the parts of us to be ok. So maybe when the meds blocked some of you it made your host not work so well. We took some meds once that pushed Host way out front and the rest of us way far back. It was supposed to 'help us function' but it made Host kind of lost and he kept zoning out. He needed us. I'm glad you got it figured out.

Iain

Hello, it reminds me of the time a past T would put us on antipsychotic meds to prevent us from dissociating and oh my it went BAD.

Not being able to dissociate/switch got me stuck in front, and I overloaded so much I was in a constant burnout mode, with OCDs like I never had before, anxiety through the roof and so on. And at the time I was very very bad at managing emotions and healthy interactions and stuff so you can imagine how downhill the whole life went.

The T refused to hear me about stopping it because it caused more damage than good things so I just stopped taking it altogether while he kept prescribing it. I know it's not a good thing to just stop precription meds like that but he was closed to discussion about it even though I talked about all the nasty effects and how being stuck inside the body without dissociation was making my whole health WORSE. He merely accepted to switch molecules but refused to stop prescribing this kind of medication. Because, "Dissociating is bad and you must stop doing it". URGH.

Did not give me any hints tips or therapy on how to deal with stuff without needing to dissociate, no. Just stuck me in this human body while I'm a fudging QILIN and panick when I feel the body too much because too many fingers, flat feet instead of hooves, small body, bipedal, frontal vision and all that species dysphoria stuff.

Anyway! Yes some meds can keep us from switching and it's bad since we need all the alters of the system to get about. That's what DID therapy is about: working with all the alters together. Because we need all hands on deck.

Hope my little rant was helpful!

__
Zami.

IainEtc wrote:The thing about being multiple is we need all the parts of us to be ok.

Iain

^^ This...yes!... I think the penny has dropped..lol! ..for ALL of us!

ArbreMonde wrote:Hello, it reminds me of the time a past T would put us on antipsychotic meds to prevent us from dissociating and oh my it went BAD.

Not being able to dissociate/switch got me stuck in front, and I overloaded so much I was in a constant burnout mode, with OCDs like I never had before, anxiety through the roof and so on. And at the time I was very very bad at managing emotions and healthy interactions and stuff so you can imagine how downhill the whole life went.

The T refused to hear me about stopping it because it caused more damage than good things so I just stopped taking it altogether while he kept prescribing it. I know it's not a good thing to just stop precription meds like that but he was closed to discussion about it even though I talked about all the nasty effects and how being stuck inside the body without dissociation was making my whole health WORSE. He merely accepted to switch molecules but refused to stop prescribing this kind of medication. Because, "Dissociating is bad and you must stop doing it". URGH.

Did not give me any hints tips or therapy on how to deal with stuff without needing to dissociate, no. Just stuck me in this human body while I'm a fudging QILIN and panick when I feel the body too much because too many fingers, flat feet instead of hooves, small body, bipedal, frontal vision and all that species dysphoria stuff.

Anyway! Yes some meds can keep us from switching and it's bad since we need all the alters of the system to get about. That's what DID therapy is about: working with all the alters together. Because we need all hands on deck.

Hope my little rant was helpful!

__
Zami.

Hi Zami

This is Phoenix, the changeling!

Jody asked me to reply to yours because I have the understanding from a 'non-human alter' perspective

We are a tribe of changelings inside whose entire life purpose was to become our host to help her cope and achieve and have as good a life as she was happy with and capable of.

Most don't have our own names because our function was 'to be host' or to be a fragment that performs a specific job. and respond to the bodies name. However as I was 'first contact' and appeared as a child to 'Little Susie', she named me and I became whatever she needed me to be at that moment in time.

Our original child also had to endure much 'therapy' to 'become as normal as possible' throughout childhood, which is probably why we all have a huge aversion to 'therapy' and prefer to work things out for ourselves! ....we were restricted though while ever the host did not have the ability to understand the concept of a system, which as you will appreciate being an autistic system also can be challenging.

It's taken a long time for our host to reach that ability (in earth years!) so all we could do was be patient and try to help and present in which ever way she could understand best that wouldn't frighten her further.

However, we've finally got there and things seem to moving along at a faster pace now!! We realise now the host at the most disabled level had to understand before the whole system could reach the goal - which is why Bobby and Kit were moved back inside.

it's working now cos everyone is where they feel most comfortable and are able to learn and grow!

Phoenix