Episodes of not being able to speak right

Is this common with DID? Or maybe something else is going on with me. Strange thing is, it seems to only affect me (the main host). I never really hear about it happening with any of the others.(well, they say the wrong word every so often, but NOTHING like my problem).

So I'll be talking. Say I try to say "I need to go to the store." It'll come out COMPLETELY different. Like maybe "I want to go to the moon." Or "WA WA WA WA OOOOOOOOOO", OR "I fell in the toilet." Which this can happen at unpredictable times and well, it can be extremely embarrassing. I try to correct the sentence MULTIPLE times and it STILL messes up (changes somewhat, but on the same line of what was said wrong, originally). Oh, and the "Sandpaper" feeling on the brain is AWFUL. Best described as if someone is rubbing the top of my head with rough sandpaper. Not quite a headache, but VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. It feels like my brain is short-circuiting or something awful like that.

It just happened to me a few minutes ago. This time though, I clearly felt as if someone was grabbing ahold of my mind. It also felt as if someone was cracking up laughing. Does it sound like one of them is messing with me? I kinda feel like it, but at the same time, I have no clue.

I told the doctors before (in case it is a physical cause), and they NEVER found anything wrong that way. In fact some of the doctors, I told, looked at me like I was crazy (for some reason).

So I'm wondering, is this common with DID?


P.S. This is the first time it has happened (this bad) in at least two months, or longer. There are a bunch of troublemakers nearby. I noticed this tends to happen A LOT more when those ones are near. So maybe I'm right. Either they are messing with me, OR they just find it (whatever is wrong with me) hilarious.

Hi Emma,

That's got to be super embarrassing! I hope it gets better soon. Sometimes we switch while somebody's talking and that messes with what we're saying. For us it's mostly the words we use - like Host is trying to say "I approve of that idea" and it comes out "Totally awesome!" Not too bad but it drives Host crazy.

Iain

Host says the brain itch thing sounds like maybe some seizure activity. Just trying to help ok?

Our 'childhood host' had a severe stammer in childhood and she still has a phobia of speaking in public and when she does speak as herself (only with family) still has the same speech impediment.

Other 'speaking alters' though don't! We also have some that are non-verbal though and a CA that will only whisper.

Hi i Peter im 7
I like to play a game it's called word salad. When the bigs forget about me I sneek up behind them and put funny words in there mouth. If I quick and sneeky then they say the proper word what I chose like "bananas" but if I not sneeky enough they notice and both my word and the bigs word tries to be said at the same time and it comes out like "bagafaba" hehe it's a funny game

This is what happens to me when I have a complex partial seizure. I try to say a sentence but instead out come words that I have no clue where they came from. Words that are totally unrelated to what I am attempting to say. This is happening for years and years. And this has happened in front of people including coworkers. It’s been very very embarrassing. I am at this point where occasionally I will try to say something but honestly, it’s better that I just stay quiet until the seizure is over. By the way, when I have complex partial seizures, I have visions. I try very, very hard to remember these visions but as soon as the seizure is over I cannot remember a thing that I saw. I have had thousands of seizures over my 40 years. And only a few times have I been able to remember what I saw. One time My vision was that I was on a gondola going down a stream and on the land on either side of me were buildings covered in jewels. Sounds pretty cool but complex partial seizures suck. It’s an awful feeling while I have the seizure and for a while after it’s over. Anyway, I have no idea but maybe you were having a complex partial seizure. Who knows for sure. I hope you figure it out and feel better.

For us, it happens when we are starting to reach the autistic meltdown/shutdown point. We become more and more non-verbal and it starts with still being able to talk but the words becoming more and more scrambled. If we keep going without self-care, we start making animal noises, then, not being able to vocalize at all, and if we keep going, it's the meltdown or shutdown.

__
Urielle.

Thank you all for your replies! We greatly appreciate them!

Sorry for not writing to everyone individually though. We are badly dissociating yet again. Very hard to focus for long.

We greatly appreciate the replies. Thank you again!

Happens to me some times.. For me its like a symptom of everyone trying to communicate at once? I hate it but I'm working with it. Unfortunately i usually don't always say what's on my mind or crack a joke or whatever be cause I'm not sure if it'll come out right. Even typing this was a bit of a challenge. Lol Its like learning how to speak and communicate all over again.

However I will say that being random as hell can be quite funny. I try to look at this way for my egos sake.

It doesn't happen as much now but it certainly did many times over the years. We experienced somebody, usually a host, knowing what they wanted to say but not being able to have the right words come out. I have vague memories of this "word salad" happening years back, before I knew about the DID. After we knew we had DID, when some alters were nearby or had just fronted, we weren't able to speak correctly or at all, with a wide variety of output.

The causes behind it varied too. For example, Ashar was originally mute and traumatized. At first we couldn't speak at all when he was near and later we'd have a mishmash coming out, either one word slightly off or several words, but not the ones we were looking for. Inky was also traumatized when he woke up and joined us and his nervousness and distractedness seemed to disconnect us from full language access or something.

Other times we would feel compelled to speak and what came out was semi-nonsense and the words changed every few repetitions. It felt like we were trying to calibrate our communication to find just the right word, the way you might turn two faucets in the dark to get the right water temperature.

I guess even still in therapy we find ourselves wanting to communicate a trauma memory and we're barred from conceptualizing in our mind or then verbalizing what we're thinking about. I'm pretty sure if we pushed it, choppy or wrong words would come out so we wait until the confusion and blocking wanes. In the midst of heavy memories in therapy I can get stuck saying a word or short phrase that doesn't express what I want to say but I just can't say anything but that word or phrase for a while.

We have another pattern among several alters where nonsense-sounding phrases were spoken as a way to distract the mind from what was coming, what had happened, or anything else. This was a strategy to keep us calm.

I used to be comfortable with limited public speaking in my job but I've avoided it for several years now for fear the above could happen in front of a lot of other people. Horrors.