Past host finding their way back?

HI again

So I mentioned in some past posts that we have a host who we consider (and she considers herself too) 'the original host'. That is she was in the body from birth to 16 years old and is the one who identifies with the name on the birth certificate and has the most memories of parents, growing up etc.

Since our first 'adult' full time alter took over and changed the body's legal name (at around age 19, the body is now in its 50's) She has been unable to relate to the body.

Changing the name back legally would be a huge difficulty mainly because people in the real world have known the body by the currant legal for over 30 years now. Even the sibling can barely remember call us by the original birth name.

The body has also had a lot of physical issues which made it 'nothing like the body she remembers'. She wants to come back as the bodies host but can't seem to recognise the 30 plus years were 'her life' because we have had several different hosts up front over those years.

What can we do to help her reconnect with 'her body' without having to change the legal name back to what it was on original birth certificate?

All ideas welcome

Thank you!

Jody (temporary current host!)

I'm not a former host, but I am a former protector who took decades of a break (mostly) from being present in the front. Back then and also now I spend time in the body blended with our host. I can say that feeling the changes in the body was abrupt and that I've always had difficulty fully identifying with the body, but one thing I've found helpful lately is being active in trying to do things that are nourishing to the body instead of harmful. Like, I've been working (together with the host) on having good boundaries with food and eating healthy meals. When I succeed with that it helps me be more connected with the body. Like--I'm being kind and its because I care and know that you, body, are my home and my home is vulnerable and you, body, have needs. You're welcome for the good food and thank you for being my home.

Hi Jody,

Even if you did change back to your first legal name, I doubt that would help her reconnect with the body if over 30 years have gone by.

Does she remember what has happened during that time even though it feels like she wasn't living it? If not, you (or someone else) may want to gently and gradually catch her up. Also, if she start fronting for brief periods of time, that might start to get her more used to how it feels to be in this body.

fangtooth wrote:I'm not a former host, but I am a former protector who took decades of a break (mostly) from being present in the front. Back then and also now I spend time in the body blended with our host. I can say that feeling the changes in the body was abrupt and that I've always had difficulty fully identifying with the body, but one thing I've found helpful lately is being active in trying to do things that are nourishing to the body instead of harmful. Like, I've been working (together with the host) on having good boundaries with food and eating healthy meals. When I succeed with that it helps me be more connected with the body. Like--I'm being kind and its because I care and know that you, body, are my home and my home is vulnerable and you, body, have needs. You're welcome for the good food and thank you for being my home.

That's a good idea thanks.She seems to think she can do more than some others (physically) when she comes out so maybe she can be in charge of making sure physio is done 3 times a week.

Because she was around when our parents were alive and had an allotment and before the era of 'microwave meals' (the family didn't have one at that time anyway) she does prefer quite basic but healthy meals.

I like your theory/belief "I'm being kind and its because I care and know that you, body, are my home and my home is vulnerable and you, body, have needs. You're welcome for the good food and thank you for being my home" I never thought of it that way before! ..I'll encourage her to come and read this post.

Thanks

Jody

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Hi Jody,

Even if you did change back to your first legal name, I doubt that would help her reconnect with the body if over 30 years have gone by.

Does she remember what has happened during that time even though it feels like she wasn't living it? If not, you (or someone else) may want to gently and gradually catch her up. Also, if she start fronting for brief periods of time, that might start to get her more used to how it feels to be in this body.

She said that she used to slip out occasionally. We rarely got a quiet moment what with college and work or university back in those days. I used to come out more during uni days cos Thea was a party animal and loved going to nightclubs. After she'd had a few drinks and was more relaxed It was easy for me to slip out and she could never remember the morning after anyway cos we'd drunk so much!!!
Susan says she only came out when Thea went home for the holidays and got a quiet moment when others had left the house or we'd taken the family dog out somewhere more secluded (there was a nature park nearby)

She has been out alot this last year since this lockdown and us 'shielding' removed all 'social expectations' She will blend with the one she see's as 'mummy' (known as Sioux' here) and when blended they call themselves 'Suki' - so that herself and 'mummy' can experience visiting the family home (so 'mummy' can see her 'son' and have some interaction with him again) when the sibling takes us over for lunch/BBQ (when its been allowed, he is our only support bubble anyway). They like to go take our current dog to the nature parks to see the ducks too thats always been a favourite thing of hers with all the dogs we've owned, but she will only go when we've got up really really early and literally can do the whole walk without seeing anther person or anyone stopping us to interact (though of course that's been easier this last year too cos of social distancing and masks etc).

Sioux is the only one she will blend with, she will only speak as herself with family. otherwise Sioux does the talking if they have to speak to anyone else even to just say 'morning' passing another walker/jogger. She will only stay present if its really brief like opening the door for a delivery then they go away immediately, but Sioux does any talking needed.

The other problem is she has no interest in socialising, she only maintains relationship with sibling because had made 2 promises to her mother before she died (1 to always look out for her brother and 2. to never forget her) but believes her spirit has joined our system to be with her (which is why she preferred an internal life as obviously her mum can't be present in the RL world) Susan is stuck at a lower developmental level as she left long before the understanding of Autism or DID took place and when she did come out was slipping out for short times without the host at the time being aware. She is still 'young' mentally and doesn't know how to survive without a carer or a host doing things for her or being blended with her before they come up front together. (stuck at a 'learning disabled teenager' level developmentally).

She may hold the trauma memories from the first 16 years of bullying as she seems to have PTSD symptoms the most and still be afraid of most RL people?

Maybe that's why Thea changed the name and disconnected from the inner system to get a fresh start and make a new life without having to feel afraid of what everyone she met might do to her???

Jody