violent/scary alter

Hi

This is Jody again.. Does anyone else have a very scary alter? I'm left shaking after an incident in the field this morning.

As I mentioned before I haven't been 'at the front' long and this morning I'd gone to walk the dog. he had ignored another dog the whole way round the field cos we were playing ball and as soon as we were about to leave the dog takes off rushing at the other one.

I was powerless to to do anything there was no way I could catch him before he intercepted them. Fortunately he only seemed to want to sniff the other dog as he got closer and realised it was much smaller than him and a dog (I think he thought it was a cat). I managed to get the words to apologise to the lady and tried to control my voice to get our dog back down the slope (the woman and her dog were standing on top of a slope, we have to use a mobiity scooter so couldn't get right to them)

Our dog came back down i apologised again profusely and showed my embarrassment clipped him on the lead telling him he was naughty and we were going home now. but by the time we reached the other end of the field I could feel another alter trying to get through to the front they were filled with rage.

I was trying to tell them you can't come out yet we're still outdoors I could feel tears coming to my eyes and was starting to shake trying to keep them inside. I daren't even speak to the dog in case opening my mouth gave the angry alter a route out to the front, luckily we didn't have far to go and he was his lead was attached to the scooter so I just kept going.

I could hear the angry alter though his voice getting louder and louder ' this is what happens when you can't get your fat ass out of bed, there's more people about with their dogs' (it was still not even 9am yet!).

I managed to make it to the door thankful the neighbour wasn't up and in her yard with her dog but was in floods of tears I let the dog go in the bedroom and shut the door behind him.

Rage is screaming at me 'he should be in the crate for the day now no food no interaction' (his old crate is full of stuff though and would take me too long to clear it out by which time b the dog wont get the connection between him being put in his crate and what he did in the field).

I went to the kitchen to look for a drink...only had enough for a single whisky and coke but hoping it would calm 'rage' I gulped it down in one go and sat on the floor in the kitchen with the door shut to try and prevent 'Rage' going to the dog and praying the dog wouldn't bark until Rage had gone back inside. It was terrifying!

It's the first time I've been in full control of the body when Rage came out like that.

We have to go out later too to meet with our 'support bubble' so they know the host is ok. (still coping with the pandemic ok etc cos apparently the body has been shielding for a year).

I'm really praying Rage will have gone really deep back inside by then by the time we've got a shower, dressed up and put make up on ready to socialise for a couple of hours.

In the meantime I have to try and get through the morning routine (still got to feed the dog and don't feel its fair to leave him shut inside all morning when he's gonna be inside all afternoon when we go out)..without triggering Rage back out to the front.

Honestly it's left me feeling shaken, nervous and still tearful.

Does anyone else have a scary alter that flies out in a rage taking over control and screaming things at you from the inside? What do you do to get rid of them quickly if you're out in public and can't let them take over the body?

I'm not sure I'm going to be able to handle being up front on my own if he's gonna fly out so unpredictably. I can kinda see why no-one wants to be host full time at the minute

Jody (19, f)

It sounds like a persecutor/protector. Someone who tries to protect you by being mean to you.

It sounds like Rage wanted to protect you from the possible consequences of the dog running away, but does it by lashing out at you.

It's okay to want to protect the system from bad things. It's okay to want the dog to be better behaved. It's okay to feel scared or angry when bad things happen.

But it's NOT OKAY to hurt the rest of the system or the dog because of it. There are better solutions that can be found. For example, paying more attention to the surrounding when the dog is off the leash, or getting more training on the dog to make the dog more obedient to orders such as "heel" or "stay".

It is okay to be angry and scared and protective. And there are many ways to express it in a constructive way.

Good luck. Learning to protect oneself in a non-destructive way is difficult. But it's do-able.

__
Wrath and Pride - ex-"scary alters".

PS: we still have Zami who lashes out sometimes but we're training them to learn better ways of asserting boundaries and expressing emotions. It takes time, but it gets better. We promise.

hi

Thanks for answering. The dog is usually very well behaved. we knew the woman was in the field and I'm told other hosts have been round a field numerous times with our dog happily minding his own business only interested in his ball and ignoring any other dogs at the other end of a field.

The other dog was small and I think ours saw it in the distance moving quickly and just saw the movement of something small and fast moving and went after it (he is an 'herding breed' so its his natural default behaviour) as I said once he got to it he seemed to stop surprised which is why I think he thought it was a cat in the distance, as he didn't seem to realise until he got to other dog.

Nothing is open here and hasn't been for a year since the countries first lock down. People are still only allowed to go to work or school or meet outside socially distanced and essential shops only so there's no leisure/training/hobby/holiday parks etc open yet and we live quite a way from a city with no transport anyway. Everyone is anxiously waiting to see if this third european wave hits and we haven't had vaccinations yet.

I took the dog out really early as I haven't slept much so we were out at 6am and managed a nice relaxed walk today as no-one else about. Just waiting to see if the snow settles and making a to do list of all the stuff that needs sorting urgently!

Jody