think something bad happened

I’m not host. Not sure who I am. Possibly am FX. Am not the other old hosts or any of the big parts. But I’m not a little little one either. I think I am ONE of the old hosts. Maybe. Just not sure at all. And that’s kind of scary by itself too. So please help with that if can please

But that’s not the main thing. Main thing is... I am Thinking. And I am Scared.

I think something bad happened. Something really bad. Something adult. That shouldn’t happen to kid. Don’t want to say the words cause I know it is not good words for some here but I don’t know how to make the words not show up and be scary so I won’t say. But you can probably guess the words I mean. Please don’t say them though.

How do I know if something really bad happened? We have little little kids here who say something did. But I don’t remember that. But I still feel like something happened. I don’t know what or who or when or where or why. But. I think something really really bad happened.

How do I know for sure? Can I know for sure? It feels bad to say even MAYBE something happened if I don’t know for sure

Thank you. I’m sorry if this is not good for saying out loud to other people. I just am kinda scared and talking just with the other inside people isn’t helping. Want to hear from... outside people too (but person I know we collectively go to is not awake and host doesn’t want to wake them up.)

- FX (?)

PS. I posted on other site too but. I know this site is good too for people with parts like us so I wanted to ask here too . I hope that’s ok I just really want help. Thanks and sorry if not ok.

We have little little kids here who say something did. But I don’t remember that. But I still feel like something happened. I don’t know what or who or when or where or why. But. I think something really really bad happened.

We relate a lot. We have two alters here, a kid and a teen, who know something really bad happened to us too, but with no true memory of it. All we have is vague clues, and a gut feeling that it is real. But no proof. No clear memory at all. It's really scary, and it's hard. Most of the time, we feel we shouldn't talk about it because we don't know for sure.

But here's what we know : those two alters are scared. They are hurt. This is real. It doesn't matter if we don't know what happened, with whom, or when. They are scared and hurt right now. And we can do something : we can reassure them, tell them no matter what happened, it's over now, we're safe. We can protect ourselves. No one will ever harm them again.

And as long you're not planning to go to the police, it's okay to not be sure, memory isn't a camera. Even people without traumas can't remember things the exact way they happened - and science proved that people with traumas have difficulties with remembering things clearly. So it's totally okay and normal if you don't know.

The only thing always true with memories are feelings. So if you're hurt, it means someone hurt you, doesn't matter if you don't know the details. But also remember that you are safe now. It's scary to think about all this, but those things are in the past. No one will hurt you right now.