Trying to figure myself out

Not everyone experiences dissociation in the same way- I'm not what I'd call heavy on the upset/fright. Although it is... surreal and... unsettling, when a 'other' is acting out a little too much and I'm in the background, perfectly aware of how we must look, but absolutely unable to take back the driver's seat. Usually at that point I just think 'okay this is what madness looks like, guess I'll wind up losing all touch with reality now'.

So just because you're not experiencing what others here are... yet... or never... doesn't invalidate your exploration of this. It doesn't make you a liar. There's a whole range of dissociative disorders, after all.

Well, confiding in a close friend whom you know will understand, isn't I think vying for the spotlight.

Also I understand about a potential partner- you'd like to know more, before you have to potentially weird them out, sure.

Thank you so much. You have no idea how much of a relief it is to read that

& Polyfragmented systems seems to take it better when they discover they have DID. Though it's not systematic, just something we tend to see more in polyfrag systems than other systems.

& Depending on how close the trauma is to the consciousness, not all DID people take things the same way. Every system is different. Some are angry because they have DID and put DID and the trauma in the same bag. Others see DID as what helped them through the trauma and are thankful to be dissociative. And there are all the greys in between, of course. It depends how much the trauma is healed or not, how much amnesia there is on an everyday basis, how many angry parts there still are, how the system works together as a team or has not reached this point yet, and many other factors too!

& Some systems who have more difficulties on the everyday basis, can sometimes be upsed when they meet systems that have less difficulties to function. It's a normal emotional reaction - though it is unfair to be mean to functional systems out of jealousy. People who are more functional do not take anything from people who have more difficulties. We can all learn from each-others.

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Urielle

I spent today writing down everything bad I remember from my childhood and, like, reflecting on it. It's been about 6 years since I've done that so now was as good a time to do so as any. It made me remember something I'd clean forgotten about.

Okay so, like, I had three I knew about. A dragon, a girl and a wolf, the latter of whom hasn't been seen for a coincidental 6 years. And I was never quite sure if they were just a product of my imagination or not, right? Like, the wolf was first seen in an awful nightmare and just stuck around after and the other two have been here and talking to me since I was just a little kid.

But now, with me writing down everything, I've realised for the first time that there's a fourth one as well who's been here the whole time and I'd somehow forgotten all about them. It's blowing my mind. Like, they weren't nice. They laughed at me and sowed fear and paranoia every day for years and years on end relentlessly back when I was living in my first house and even now they turn up when I'm alone at night sometimes and scare the daylights out of me. But it's incredible how I just...forgot about them... You know? It's as if I knew they were there but only ever when we were actively interacting and whenever we weren't, I forgot. Years!

I know you guys have been saying I'm not making it up this whole time and that validation has been incredibly helpful for my peace of mind. But, like, this, I think, is what's most convincing me that this is real.

Our system has evolved alot since I first became aware.

There was lots of research done and at first things made sense only to 1 or 2 but eventually the whole system seems to have managed to absorb and understand and everyone seems to be back 'on the same page'.

I would say its taken about 5 years to reach this point