Could this be DID? I need help...

Hey, I'm Jess. I'm just looking for insight as I know no one can make a diagnoses.

anyways, I am 34 years old. I have experienced a tone of trauma in my life from childhood to now. Physical abuse, emotional abuse, traumatic loss of a loved one in front of me.. Won't get into detail to save a long winded novel..

I just went through another traumatic roller coaster. and although I have always had these symptoms at one time or another, they seem to be super pronounced as of late.

-memory loss: I will be walking down an aisle at the grocery store and forget where I came from, like which aisle I came from. I have moments where I struggle to remember who people are, and just bouts of memory loss here and there.

`dissociating: I have been diagnosed with ptsd and so I do know that I will dissociate when I am stressed out. Its way more severe as of late. I think for the past two days its to the point to where I feel as if I am not me. But I know that I am me. If that makes sense? However; I went to the store today and I instantly felt confident. I was still me though but I thought it was odd because I also have social anxiety/phobia.

-struggling to look in mirror: This one I have had happen before when I was little and maybe a few other times growing up. But now, I can barely look at myself in the mirror cause it makes me panic severely for some reason. It is like a different kind of fear. IDK.

`struggling with attention: Lately I have been blanking out when talking with a friend. They will have to repeat themselves quite a bit. Its getting embarrassing..

Feeling like I am being watched: I cant use the bathroom with the door open or cracked even though I am by myself. It just feels odd right now. Like all the space in my apartment is filled up.

Those are the main big ones that are scaring me right now. and I JUST started going to the doctor as of 12/9.

If anyone suspects this MIGHT be DID, how would I go about talking to my doctor about it? Should I request to be screened for it or? What can I do until I see my doctor? I just want help. I am scared and I live alone.

Hello, and welcome!

There are diagnostic tests that they can give you.

Also, I mean if you wanna like, fill out something like this:

https://emdrtherapyvolusia.com/wp-conte ... DES_II.pdf

And then hand it to them, you can be like, look I don't know anything, and I'm not trying to put labels on myself, but I find things happen that I can't explain, and I wonder if it could be some form of dissociation? And hand them this completed form to look at? That... is probably what I would do, if I chose to seek professional help.

There's another form that I've found, but can't remember it- if I find it I'll post a link to it as well. The thing to look for I think would be official self-assessment versions of things that are officially based off the DSM and used in clinical settings, you know so they're not like 'oh she just handed me some lame 'internet test''.

Snaga wrote:Hello, and welcome!

There are diagnostic tests that they can give you.

Thank you for your kind reply and helpful resource! This is a perfect idea and one which won’t make me feel as awkward.

Thanks again!!

Here is a form-fillable page version that will "score" it for you, too.
http://traumadissociation.com/des

BE AWARE- this is NOT a "test" to see if you have DID or not. This alone cannot diagnose you, only a doc can and they will usually do another test or two. This is just ONE tool to help determine the sort of baseline dissociative traits/characteristics you're experiencing, and that HELPS diagnose, but it itself is NOT enough to do that. Only a professional can Dx you- but this test CAN help give you a sense of how dissociated you're feeling or are... we've done it periodically and the results often vary fairly widely depending on how things in life are going and how we're doing that given day.

{\Pixie/}

Zor wrote:BE AWARE- this is NOT a "test" to see if you have DID or not. This alone cannot diagnose you

Agreed. I take.. lots of internet mental health tests in an online format, but I also take them with a grain of salt. Sometimes, a whole salt shaker- depends on how thorough the test appears to be.

Even something that is likely to be the same paper test a professional would have you filled out- the ones we can find online, anyway- I'd just hand my therapist and be like, 'look at that and let me know what you think'.

Some things I'm sure I have, I claim outright- everyone who knows me, knows I'm OCD, for example. And Avoidant. And.. probably a few other things. Something as complex as this? I think I'm OSDD-1b, but that's... just acting on an assumption, until something else comes along to better fit the behaviour. I take dissociative tests, myself, with the salt shaker handy. And while I'd be willing to flatly tell a therapist 'Hey look I'm OCD ask me about my intrusive thoughts- go ahead, just ask'... something complex like this? I'd deff be like, 'look I think I might need to be tested for this because I can't explain this, this, and this.

Having said that- keep posting about your experiences- not everyone is as unsure as I'm personally about myself, and there are folks here without an official Dx- in fact, I've been watching some systems on YouTube, and a lot of times folks will apparently avoid an official Dx for personal reasons- the presence, or absence, of an official label, that doesn't make your experience any less valid.

Snaga wrote:

Zor wrote:BE AWARE- this is NOT a "test" to see if you have DID or not. This alone cannot diagnose you

Agreed. I take.. lots of internet mental health tests in an online format, but I also take them with a grain of salt. Sometimes, a whole salt shaker- depends on how thorough the test appears to be.

Even something that is likely to be the same paper test a professional would have you filled out- the ones we can find online, anyway- I'd just hand my therapist and be like, 'look at that and let me know what you think'.

Some things I'm sure I have, I claim outright- everyone who knows me, knows I'm OCD, for example. And Avoidant. And.. probably a few other things. Something as complex as this? I think I'm OSDD-1b, but that's... just acting on an assumption, until something else comes along to better fit the behaviour. I take dissociative tests, myself, with the salt shaker handy. And while I'd be willing to flatly tell a therapist 'Hey look I'm OCD ask me about my intrusive thoughts- go ahead, just ask'... something complex like this? I'd deff be like, 'look I think I might need to be tested for this because I can't explain this, this, and this.

Having said that- keep posting about your experiences- not everyone is as unsure as I'm personally about myself, and there are folks here without an official Dx- in fact, I've been watching some systems on YouTube, and a lot of times folks will apparently avoid an official Dx for personal reasons- the presence, or absence, of an official label, that doesn't make your experience any less valid.

I'm the opposite to this. I get professional diagnosis for things then do an online test and it comes back negative. Just thought I'd say that. Didn't want to derail the topic.

Just proves sometimes that online tests are a bit 'off'.

I trust paper 'official' tests the most- but even then, I remember I'm not a professional, and would take a therapist's interpretation, to be generally more trustworthy, than mine, on things I'm less confident of being afflicted with. There's only a couple things I'd argue with a therapist over, personally. OCD, for one- I don't need an official Dx to tell me what's obvious to myself and everyone who has spent any time at all with me, and would call anyone a quack, who didn't agree, and get another opinion. I mean, some issues are just so palpable you can cut them with a knife.

selfestranged wrote:Hey, I'm Jess. I'm just looking for insight as I know no one can make a diagnoses.

anyways, I am 34 years old. I have experienced a tone of trauma in my life from childhood to now. Physical abuse, emotional abuse, traumatic loss of a loved one in front of me.. Won't get into detail to save a long winded novel..

I just went through another traumatic roller coaster. and although I have always had these symptoms at one time or another, they seem to be super pronounced as of late.

-memory loss: I will be walking down an aisle at the grocery store and forget where I came from, like which aisle I came from. I have moments where I struggle to remember who people are, and just bouts of memory loss here and there.

`dissociating: I have been diagnosed with ptsd and so I do know that I will dissociate when I am stressed out. Its way more severe as of late. I think for the past two days its to the point to where I feel as if I am not me. But I know that I am me. If that makes sense? However; I went to the store today and I instantly felt confident. I was still me though but I thought it was odd because I also have social anxiety/phobia.

-struggling to look in mirror: This one I have had happen before when I was little and maybe a few other times growing up. But now, I can barely look at myself in the mirror cause it makes me panic severely for some reason. It is like a different kind of fear. IDK.

`struggling with attention: Lately I have been blanking out when talking with a friend. They will have to repeat themselves quite a bit. Its getting embarrassing..

Feeling like I am being watched: I cant use the bathroom with the door open or cracked even though I am by myself. It just feels odd right now. Like all the space in my apartment is filled up.

Those are the main big ones that are scaring me right now. and I JUST started going to the doctor as of 12/9.

If anyone suspects this MIGHT be DID, how would I go about talking to my doctor about it? Should I request to be screened for it or? What can I do until I see my doctor? I just want help. I am scared and I live alone.

Definitely speak to doctor about it as you do seem to be coping with a lot of stress in your life.

I also find mirrors a bit strange but it's not that I'm scared to look, it's more that I just can't find anything in there that I recognise. It's like I know it's me really but it doesn't look like me. Sometimes I'm pleased to see that shes quite easy on the eye and sometimes I'm not so pleased.

I also have ptsd as well.

My memory is OK but I find that when I dissociate I can't remember why I felt a certain way and I can't even find a way to get back to the personality that I was adopting in a certain situation. It's like I can remember it but like watching a movie of someone else.

My T said I have dissociation disorder but up until then I thought I was "normal".

Best advice; speak to doctor.

Depends on who's doing the looking, from yeah it's me to yes we know whatever to ew go away.