Owens reason for being here

I'm confused. My host has completed her trauma and I should leave. But, if I leave she'll have her terrible somatic pain. And, I don't want that for her.

I treat her horrible. I really don't belong here. I want to be better. But I don't cause I want my way.

I know I just need to speak up. But I never do. I want to say I'm in control of her, cause I make her do horrible things that I make her do. Like causing pain and shaking for no reason. I can stop but never do. I need advice from a alter whose mean on the outside, and kind as usual. My real job is to help my host as much as I can.

But, I don't listen to my job and I try to get my way any way possible to please myself. How can I really tell my host why I'm the way I am without her knowing why I won't go cause of selfish reasons that I need her. To be aware of the world, and not go back into blackness.

Well, I'm confused. That's not how DID works. Alters don't go away. If you have DID (have you been diagnosed with it?), then you and the host are both alters, and the goal is to improve communication and cooperation, to share memories, and to gradually decrease the dissociative barriers so there's less of a need to stay separate.

If it's DID, then you and the host are both part of the whole rather than you being a part of her. If you have a DID therapist, maybe you can talk to them about what the treatment goal is. It certainly shouldn't be that you "go back into blackness."