Feeling not quite me and little

I have complex-ptsd and inpatient just now swapping over meds and dealing with a near continuous barrage to harm myself.. I've dissociated for years.. Ones or twice had the feeling that I'm not at all in control or/and watching myself.. I've been in since monday. One day this week I completely lost all control but was watching and could hear what I was saying but was not in control. I was playing with toilet roll and the toilet and standing at the window feeling the rain come through the safety mesh in the window. Some staff found me doing it on checks, I was so embarrassed but couldn't stop..

I had fun with the toilet it made a nice noise when i ripped it i wanted to fill my bathroom up with little bits like snow but I didnt want to make people angry. I did do quite a bit thou.

I'm feeling not quite me just now.. I had my PRN a little while ago coz I was feeling anxious. I'm not feeling anxious now just a little bit little.. Do you think I should I tell my named nurse?

I'm worried this little behaviour will end up keeping me in here longer, I need to get back to my family, for them..

I just wanted to say hello

Hello Hmm,

It is good to hear you had some fun with the toilet paper but you are right, best not cover up the whole bathroom with it and cause problems.
In my understanding not feeling like yourself and seeing yourself from the "outside" isn't uncommon in disociation, even though it can feel a little weird at first.

This forum is very interesting and helpful, have you looked a little into it yet ?

Larme