Never good enough...

So I scored a solid "oh, wait, I didn't expect that" kind of win! LOL

I replied very politely, casually, and entirely not giving any f--ks about what she'd said about the house and land.

I would like to get copies of family photos you have the computer(s), as I've mentioned a handful of times over the years, maybe the photo albums and heirloom kind of stuff that goodwill generally won't take or keep, or that they'll not know the value of to the family. Things that mean stuff to us as a family, like grandparents' stuff, Dad's retirement flag, family photo albums or keepsakes.
But the rest, that's a wonderfully charitable gesture and very kind to do.
Love you guys, too.


She replied, I think baffled b/c it took a few hours after she'd seen it.
"You’re not upset about the house and land going to Cash?
We don’t want it going to court on him."

That THIS was her reply, kind of tells me that that was what she expected, and likely wanted. Learning she'd talked to my brother the day before she sent this, it went poorly, and this was possibly written specifically to make me mad or hurt b/c of that... Screw her. I'm done. I am so done.

I told her this:
It's what you guys want to do, that's your prerogative. No, I'm not mad about it.
And, no, it isn't something I'd even consider taking his family to court over. As I said, it is your and Dad's choice. I respect that.

She hasn't replied to that last one.
But that tone... "you're not upset..." really sounds like I surprised her by NOT getting mad and NOT fighting with her over it... LOL

If she replies negatively or with toxicity over this... I'm done. I literally couldn't care less about a house and a few acres half way across the country. A place I wouldn't live if the State PAID ME. I've never lived there and have ZERO emotional connection to that house or land. I don't want the money from selling it bad enough to let her continue to abuse me... so yeah, she can give it away. I'll respect that choice. It's theirs to make. If they choose to cut me out like that, that's fine. I know exactly what message that sends, and it's their own choice to do it. But I'm done. I am not letting her bother me anymore. She can be hurtful, toxic, and mean all she wants. I just don't care anymore.

As Colin said I'm "on my own" now when it comes to them. Screw them. They weren't the good parental figures I needed in that decade of hell (some caused by them, which I believe most was entirely unintentional consequences or entirely misguided attempts to "make me better" or whatever- but still caused by them)... and we sure as hell don't need them now!

We're stronger. We're aware we are WE. I have my army, my family. I know who loves me. That's enough for me, for us.

Yeah!

Colin

She projects much. That likely has a great deal to do with your issues, by the way. Projection is the flip side of introjection, and those of us with DID are loaded with introjects.

Back to projection. When someone is a massive projector they have no awareness that any difference exists between what they imagine about others, and reality. And when their fantasy conflicts with reality, as it very often does, they resolve the conflict by also projecting that the other person is a liar. Do you see how it is a closed system, internally logically consistent and self-serving, but build on a foundation of #######4. When (if) the #######4 gets deep enough, the projecting person has a delusional disorder.

So your mom imagines you are jealous of your brother (the relationships don't matter; this is for the sake of discussion). Your mom imagines you are as attached to the property as she is. Your mom likely has other fantasies about you, that really have nothing to do with you but are recycled from her experience of other people and her own internal world. What would you do if you were the person your mom imagines you to be? If you figure that out you can anticipate her, even read her mind, and better defend your boundaries. Your mom also has deep misconceptions about estates.

Your parents can and probably should arrange to pass the property to your brother outside of probate, so not in their wills (plural!). They can do that by putting your brother on the deed now.

It sounds like they should consult an estate attorney. If the opportunity arises, you might mention you expect they will transfer the house outside of probate, in which case you would have no standing to file any suit even if you wanted to.

Know you are not alone. This is absolutely normal dysfunctional family $#%^. Did you know you can join AARP? AARP can give you a lot of insight into your parents' stinking thinking.

Una+ wrote:She projects much. That likely has a great deal to do with your issues, by the way. Projection is the flip side of introjection, and those of us with DID are loaded with introjects.

Back to projection. When someone is a massive projector they have no awareness that any difference exists between what they imagine about others, and reality. And when their fantasy conflicts with reality, as it very often does, they resolve the conflict by also projecting that the other person is a liar. Do you see how it is a closed system, internally logically consistent and self-serving, but build on a foundation of #######4. When (if) the #######4 gets deep enough, the projecting person has a delusional disorder.

So your mom imagines you are jealous of your brother (the relationships don't matter; this is for the sake of discussion). Your mom imagines you are as attached to the property as she is. Your mom likely has other fantasies about you, that really have nothing to do with you but are recycled from her experience of other people and her own internal world. What would you do if you were the person your mom imagines you to be? If you figure that out you can anticipate her, even read her mind, and better defend your boundaries. Your mom also has deep misconceptions about estates.

Your parents can and probably should arrange to pass the property to your brother outside of probate, so not in their wills (plural!). They can do that by putting your brother on the deed now.

It sounds like they should consult an estate attorney. If the opportunity arises, you might mention you expect they will transfer the house outside of probate, in which case you would have no standing to file any suit even if you wanted to.

Know you are not alone. This is absolutely normal dysfunctional family $#%^. Did you know you can join AARP? AARP can give you a lot of insight into your parents' stinking thinking.

So this kid they're giving the house & land to... not a brother. It's a neighbor's kid. Not even family. They are literally giving everything away so my brother and I can't have it.

As for projection, absolutely. She's always had a very egocentric view of everything, and a very hostile & toxic reaction when others AREN'T seeing things as she does and according to HER view of things.

At this point, I'm basically done with them. She's made it clear over the years we were never good enough. Not the girl they wanted, not the kind of boy they wanted, never smart enough, never measuring up, couldn't be there for us or even bother to take care of themselves FOR our sake... all this recent drama, and now this. Screw them. I love them b/c they're my parents, but I do NOT like them or who they are, and especially not what they do.