Never good enough...

Second thought... I take it all back... As Angel would say, and has said... "F--k her!"

(below is direct copy & paste of the text, with swear words edited)
Posted 16h ago...
This is so f--king true! Sometimes kids suck and hurt their mothers because they care for themselves and not her. F--k that! Im done with that s--t! not playing their games anymore. They will regret one of these days when Mom can't call them anymore! breaks my heart, but I am done!

Posting that, with an image saying "6 reasons why dogs are better than children", and then trying to play it off as "it was a mistake"... No. NO! That was a CHOICE! That wasn't an accident, a "mistake". That was a WILLING CHOICE to hurt your own kids. F--k you!

And this 2h ago... in a PM
I make mistakes, lots of them but I am trying. Hope you and [wife] see and appreciate that.
Taking Fozzy out for his walk now. Love you guys. ❤️❤️

We're done. This is abusive, and I'm over it. Screw her. Screw her mind games... leave us the hell alone!

These are from your mother? Or someone posing as your mother? Was she drunk? Playing mind games? Floridly switching? Whatever it is, she needs help and not from you.

Do you know what the process is in your local area to get someone admitted to a mental hospital for evaluation?

Una+ wrote:These are from your mother? Or someone posing as your mother? Was she drunk? Playing mind games? Floridly switching? Whatever it is, she needs help and not from you.

Do you know what the process is in your local area to get someone admitted to a mental hospital for evaluation?

Yes from her- on HER FB account... She doesn't drink, a little wine once in a while, but even that's rare... As for the rest... I have no freakin clue. Honestly, I couldn't care less at this point. She CLEARLY needs help- professional help...

IDK what it takes to get her sent to one up there, we live half way across the country from her (on purpose)... Part of what my brother wanted to do was to get her to go seek real help somewhere, for this sort of reason.

At this point, with the exception of that sort of action... I'm over it. I am not doing this. I can't. This is BS and it's not healthy for her OR us. We can't help her, not the kind of help she needs. If she's willing to accept she needs help and to get it, good... if not... then so be it, it's over.

Zor wrote:At this point, with the exception of that sort of action... I'm over it. I am not doing this. I can't. This is BS and it's not healthy for her OR us. We can't help her, not the kind of help she needs. If she's willing to accept she needs help and to get it, good... if not... then so be it, it's over.

Yes. And since Una mentioned CoDA, we highly recommend it. We went to meetings for two and a half years in the mid-90s, but stopped when we discovered our system. It's great for its intended purpose, but be forewarned--for us, at least, it's not conducive to talking about anything having to do with being multiple. Same with other groups of that nature.

MDs

MakersDozn wrote:

Zor wrote:At this point, with the exception of that sort of action... I'm over it. I am not doing this. I can't. This is BS and it's not healthy for her OR us. We can't help her, not the kind of help she needs. If she's willing to accept she needs help and to get it, good... if not... then so be it, it's over.

Yes. And since Una mentioned CoDA, we highly recommend it. We went to meetings for two and a half years in the mid-90s, but stopped when we discovered our system. It's great for its intended purpose, but be forewarned--for us, at least, it's not conducive to talking about anything having to do with being multiple. Same with other groups of that nature.

MDs

Thanks, to both of you- we'll look into that.

Good grief... so Sunday she sent a "I hope you know I make mistakes and I'm trying to be better" kind of thing... and hours later she's posting "both of our adult children need to read/listen to this" and it was three consecutive posts bashing us for "not honoring your parents" crap.

THIS, btw, when things are allegedly GOOD between us... but she's mad at my brother...

Then last night, she sends this:
You said when I was talking to you, “I I’ve hurt you so much anyways it’s no big deal now.” What the heck did that mean? Please, I’m not asking to fight with you, I just didn’t know I have been that bad of a mom or person. I taught back to what I might have done... each time on Facebook was wrong to do it on Facebook but was my opinion or defending myself. So... just wondering since you said that.

I let it sit all night. I am so over this $#%^. This "we're good... let's drag up stuff and/or make a reason to fight... then we're good... until I decide we're not"... Tired of this cycle. It's emotionally exhausting, and her public shaming, private making up thing is manipulative. ALL OF IT is abusive.

So this was all I replied:
I don't even remember saying that, but that's not necessarily a surprise. But I probably just meant that old stuff is not something that bothers me anymore and we don't need to bring it up over and over and keep getting mad or fighting over it.

And her "just my opinion and defending myself" is BULL! SHE starts it over and over and over... NO ONE "attacks" her. She posts her opinion and doesn't like disagreement sometimes... or she attacks others to "correct them" or as she says "I'm trying to educate you" to correct THEIR view, to be hers. THAT is attacking. I am just NOT doing this anymore. I'm sick of it. If she can't get it from this, I think I'm going to have to be blunt... "Just stop, or go away."

- It is sad that she is doing it again. And again. And again. Sad, but not surprising for us since, well, the body's mother has the same kind of temperament.

- Good luck dealing with this kind of victimization behavior. It reminds me of how our body's mother would cry again and again about how women do all the house chores for their family and are the most devoted ones, while in the same time, using us as cleaning slave, and making us give her helpings of the things she was/still is, addicted to.

- I do agree with you. This kind of behavior is awful, manipulative, passive-agressive, victimizing. You are right when you say that it is an abusive cycle. And you are right that the only way to stop the cycle is to step out of it and run away from it.

- You cannot fix those who enjoy being broken.

----

- X

Even without ANY response, Zor's mother keeps trying to provoke. What the hell is wrong with her? She's investing TIME and energy- absolute intention- to CHOOSE to attack and hurt us... WHY?! What the hell?!

Posted "When you’ve been attacked, defended yourself, when you’ve been catfish by a someone and they say, “it’s in the past,” not I’m sorry. They take shots at you, and then conveniently forget. But your the bad, hateful one. It’s hard to move on. "
with an image that had the text: "Betrayal... doesn't only break your heart, but also darkens your soul. You'll never forget the pain. Like a fog that forever lingers in the depths of your mind." on it.

Seriously?! SHE attacked US... but even in all that, we apologized for hurting her, didn't MEAN to. When we found out how we existed, about all of us, ZOR CALLED HER AND TOLD HER... HE APOLOGIZED for it all, and for us not knowing before- that is NOT catfishing. This is a mental health issue, NOT CATFISHING!
And "they take shots"?! That's ALL SHE'S DONE ALL ######6 WEEK! AT US. SHE has taken shots!! Yet WE are the ones that are in the wrong?! SHE is the victim!? I really wanna tell to ###$ OFF! Just forget we even exist. Clearly she thinks she'd be better off, and I KNOW we'd be.

{\Pixie/}

So my turn to update everyone... We got like ANOTHER nasty gram kinda dealie from her...

(To spare copy & pasting it ALL, cuz it's kinda long)
FIRST she called our DID "catfishing" despite KNOWING what we're dealing with AND that it's Dx'd by clinical doctors.
SECOND, she attempted to blame Zor for like "not being over it" cuz he told her he wasn't gonna argue about old stuff, had been hurt, but made up and it's in the past... Called that "sweeping it under the rug". I'm sorry but like they apologized and have been on good terms a few years and have moved on- how is THAT "sweeping it under the rug" or NOT being "over it"?! SHE brought it up, twice, and is mad cuz WE (he) won't talk & fight about it again.
THIRD, said the stress is so bad and whatever... and that if they (he and his brother) can't change then they have to cut communication with them...

SO his reply...
FIRST basically was to address the "catfishing" dismissal- telling her SHE KNOWS it is a formal Dx, NOT catfishing, that he DID apologize for OUR hurting her (he did, even though it wasn't OUR fault, much less HIS --just to make peace with his mom)... and noted she'd even talked with him about it several times (she's sent us girls like pretty socks once, too mind you). So the sudden reversal is just nonsense... and he didn't let her get away with it.
SECOND, he told her that he DID get over it years ago- and there's been apologies and peace for several years, and there's no reason to go back and fight about that stuff again... cuz she was complaining of his brother & his his fam doing it (note: SHE did it to them, and to us... but dismisses/denies doing it, even though it's literally global public posts online). Said he refuses to do it, to even go back into that stuff cuz he knows it'll hurt and he won't do that to her. It's over, it's been reconciled, let it be.
THIRD, He said plainly if part of having a relationship means they MUST do this over and over, fight over this old crap, "consider it a boundary, I won't do it." And said plainly, "if it must be part of it, then maybe it is better for both our well-being to not communicate". But ended saying he believes they SHOULD be able to have a relationship that doesn't involve hurting each other... but they must do what's best for them and not hurting each other, whatever that looks like.

I was so proud. Literally told her "consider it a boundary" and "I won't do it" when it comes to that fighting over literally years' old stuff... let it freakin go...

{\Pixie/}

Good job guys. Set a boundary and back her the F- off.

Colin

I am very concerned. When she wrote, "Betrayal... doesn't only break your heart, but also darkens your soul. You'll never forget the pain. Like a fog that forever lingers in the depths of your mind." That is a curse (or psychologically, an invasive emotional directive designed to cause harm). That is a serious violation and may have left some spiritual damage. Please be careful of her words. She is wrong. Those words are not about you. They don't mean anything to you. Leave those words behind. You are a good and worthwhile system and deserve a good life.

Wishing you the best.

Raven