Question...

I really need to ask this question as I'm a bit confused.

I've been having "the nightmare" every night for the past 5 nights. I believe it to be me switching alters but I don't know if I'm asleep or not but a massive part of me feels conscious but drifting in and out.

I also believe that the alters who are coming forward at this time are trying to tell me something but they are doing it through showing me pictures.

Last night was most unusual and if I wasn't aware of what is going on could have been quite terrifying and disturbing. I was in the state where I was drifting in and out. Its like a pushing and pulling sensation. Anyway someone took hold of my hand quite firmly. I pulled away and returned to full consciousness. Then I remembered that it could be a part of me trying to tell me something. So I spoke out loud to them and reassured them that they may hold my hand if they want. With this I slipped back into semi consciousness, they once again gripped my hand and started to kiss my neck. This was so intense, it was like electricity.

Has anyone got any insight I to this? Can you have real physical feelings of a separate person with dissociation? Can your alters contact you in ways other than voices in your head?

Thank you in advance.

Yes and yes. Those are both things that can happen.

I would say that most of how alters communicate is by feelings, images, sensations, etc, rather than “voices.”

And some systems can experience them as if they’re coming from a separate physical being.

We've a lot different types of states between sleep and wake. That can be also thing like that, for example sleep paralysis or something alike. Especially if you feel moving between awake and then back to some other state. In those other states any hallucinations are possible and most likely they're just hallucinations and normal in that state. Normal meaning actual normal, not just normal for people with DID.

Has it something to do with parts? Not necessarily, but can't be ruled out, unless you for example realize it was sleep paralysis after reading what they are. What comes to sleep paralysis they're usually terrifying. During them, you are awake but your body still paralyzed like in state of sleep (if it wouldn't be, we'd do all the things we do in dreams also with the body in real life while sleeping). Feeling of being paralyzed adds the feeling of horror especially when touched and even when feeling a presence of someone. Those presences in sleep paralysis aren't friendly, it's rather feeling the presence of pure evil, demonic like creatures. Many are unable to breath properly during that state, but personally I've never had that problem.

We've also had physical sensations when already awake, like the dream continues after awaking. Not for a long time, few seconds, but that's still very disturbing. It was also being kissed, but by a demonic creature and feeling it's tongue still after waking up. That was not sleep paralysis, since we were able to move after waking up, even with the tongue still there.

If what you experience is scary, it's touching that violates your rights to your body, it feels evil etc. I wouldn't blame it on parts, but rather think problems in state of sleep/waking up, since they're not uncommon. Also, kissing someone's neck is sexual. Even if it could be parts that have gone thru sexual violation themselves, it is not a good thing or healthy to anyone to show it to you by doing that to you. It is totally fine for you to tell them that, like it is totally fine to tell a child who has been abused and abuses other children as a symptom, that they can not do it. They can't, but it doesn't make them bad. They can't even if they would be too small to understand what they do is wrong and people have done wrong to them. Also, putting you thru same experience they've had, in a state you can not control it is not fine, even if not them DOING it but just showing the memory by putting you thru same physical sensations. It's not helping anyone.

Parts with trauma memories do need help, but they need to wait until it's time to process what they hold. Until that, make them feel as safe as possible now, because they're no longer abused. Flooding system with trauma is harmful, it doesn't give them reassurance and comfort they need and deserve, instead of that, parts who are able to take care of normal life can be harmed. Then you can no longer continue good things in life, and parts that needed help weren't only left without it, but now also possibly further traumatized because they ruined good things by telling. They deserve empathy when they do tell and show things, not scared reactions, then it can be processed right and nobody is harmed, because they'll carry the blame about that and the trauma as well, if that happens.

Just tell them they're safe now, important and loved in safe way. Trauma processing happens in therapy after lots of stabilization. Don't do it alone, if you'd be able to do it alone on your own, you wouldn't ever have had DID. You'd just processed things and continued life. You have DID, because trauma is too much for you to bare. Walls between you and other parts are not there for nothing, they're there for your own safety and well being. Don't try to rip them down. The walls will get lower naturally when trauma is processed safely, but traumatized parts can not be put in a position where it's under their responsibility to know what's too quickly. They can not have information like that, because they are violated and lost the ability to understand safety. You can not know it either, since you can not know what's coming, before it is there.

What comes to other communication than hearing, yes it's possible. I have hugged one part twice, he came sit next to me and I hugged him. Hugging happened in headspace, but I felt his presence next to me also in real life. I did not try to touch him in actual world, because I know his body could not be there for me to feel in this world, so I did it in my mind but he felt like a boy he is same way actual sensation of feeling feels. And also two times has our defender hugged me from behind, when I missed spending time with him. First time I couldn't believe it and somehow explained it to be something else, because he isn't touchy and it felt too big he'd actually care enough about me to hug even when it's not his kind of thing to do. But he did it again in same kind of situation, when I missed him, and I had to believe he really did it. I've never felt so loved. I knew he is there for me when I need him, but I still didn't think it would feel that way personal to him. I thought it's just more like a job. Neither one of us are touchy kind of people, but that's why it felt so genuine. I hope our boy with trauma could feel the same, when I hugged him.

Some parts show pictures, some share feelings, some can write but not talk. Communicating with parts is good, and it has to be done in ways they feel is possible for them, things they can do. Sometimes there are good, and sad, reasons for why someone can not use their mouth or hands or something else that's needed to certain type of communication. Some communicate thru dreams. That is also fine as long as you feel safe too.

Flor

Thank you both for you responses.

Sleep paralysis is what I always thought it was and it is really close to that but over the year si have noticed differences. The biggest being that I am able to move. It takes a lot of concentration to do it but I can move. It's also taken me years to be brave enough to open my eyes during the episodes and since being able to I have been able to see pictures that I am being shown and I'm able to make sense of. I've always tried to talk during it as well but with no success and just recently I've learned a lot hat I can talk inside my head and it has an effect on the episode. Sometimes they are really distressing when I'm being flung around the room and I have absolutely no control. Sometimes it's like I'm flying round my room and I'm looking down at myself.

I feel like I'm living in a puzzle.