Unknown alter

At first we struggled to work well together. It resulted in my mental health not being the best. However for years now we have found a great balance, allowing us each to have our own independence and time. However the last 2 years have been a real struggle. More time has been missing and i would end up with bruises. I’m seeing a therapist who is one of the leading therapists in DID. She thinks this may be a unknown alter reaching out, now I can handle it. I’m just so unsure. Anyone else had an experience like this? X

Hi Laceyrose,

Sorry you're getting bruises. I hope you guys figure it out really soon. We had somebody come up who was breaking things and it took us forever to figure it out. He was just mad. Now he's ok and the system is working pretty good together.

Iain

IainEtc wrote:Hi Laceyrose,

Sorry you're getting bruises. I hope you guys figure it out really soon. We had somebody come up who was breaking things and it took us forever to figure it out. He was just mad. Now he's ok and the system is working pretty good together.

Iain

Hi Ian

I have another therapy session on Wednesday. I’ve tried reaching out by leaving notes but nothing yet. I actually broke my two toes this morning and spent a few hours in A&E having an X-ray. I can’t handle being around loads of people so Laura went for me instead. Still not 100% sure how I broke them and trying to explain that I have DID to an A&E doctor would have been too stressful.
How have you all been today?

Laceyrose wrote:trying to explain that I have DID to an A&E doctor would have been too stressful.

Totally understandable. How about saying you have a diagnosed disorder involving amnesia? That's if you are diagnosed. If you say that and the doctor asks which one, you can say you don't remember. Ha ha. Then you can repeat the joke to all your friends!

In any event A&E (= emergency room) doctors are very familiar with amnesia because many people they see after accidents don't remember what happened, and many others lie for various reasons. It is totally normal not to remember what happened and also not to want to say what happened. Normal is a very wide category that includes a lot of weirdness.

Hi Laceyrose,

You broke your toes?!?!? Bet that HURTS! Oh yeah. We don't tell doctors about us because it's none of their business what's in our head if we break our toes.

Iain

Laceyrose wrote:At first we struggled to work well together. It resulted in my mental health not being the best. However for years now we have found a great balance, allowing us each to have our own independence and time. However the last 2 years have been a real struggle. More time has been missing and i would end up with bruises. I’m seeing a therapist who is one of the leading therapists in DID. She thinks this may be a unknown alter reaching out, now I can handle it. I’m just so unsure. Anyone else had an experience like this? X

We have an alter we call "Shadow" (or "a shadow") that has been leaving surface level cuts- barely able to bleed even... for about 2 years. Since life went to $#%^ with the revelation of our dissociation, basically. As nightmares and accounts from our past began to make sense externally... things have gotten worse.

Our T says it's possible this is a means to reach out, largely scared of the painful stuff coming out and being known... either shame or fear- shame b/c of what we suffered... the scars it leaves emotionally... and the fear of it coming out, being faced, being known, and most of all reliving that terrible stuff.
It's like a "slap on the hand" for us- the "don't touch that, it'll hurt" thing to make us STOP before getting into real pain- like you slap a child's hand before they touch a hot stovetop burner.

It's a misguided form of protection, and expressing pain held inside they don't know how to get out any other way.

At least, that's OUR experiences and OUR thoughts on them... We have no answers for how to stop it or sort it out. Keep reaching out and hoping you get a response. Keep working on getting better, more whole- if it IS fear, that should hopefully go away slowly as the progress moves forward and this part can see it's NOT a bad thing... That's OUR hope and plans anyway.

Zor wrote:
It's a misguided form of protection, and expressing pain held inside they don't know how to get out any other way..

Hi Zor,

My therapist said a similar thing. That maybe now I’m strong enough to come to terms with what happened to me. That this Alter is trying to reach out as it thinks I can “ handle things“. We may have learned to live the way we are but each day is still a struggle.

I get bruises alot and don't know how I got them. I usually put it down to that I knock myself and don't notice. Sometimes I more easily burn myself too.

I hadn't looked at it from the perspective of it being an alter. Which is very possible.

How I look at it is that because of dissociation and being able to block things out which sometimes includes blocking out pain or my pain threshold is much higher than at other times that I bump myself and don't notice, burn myself on the cooker without noticing or feeling it and burn my mouth eating hot food because it doesn't register to my brain that it's too hot. I put it all down to the over used ability to dissociate and my pain threshold being sometimes higher than others.

It could be as already said an alter doing these things. I've not considered it in this way but I will now.

Sarah

Sarandipity wrote:How I look at it is that because of dissociation and being able to block things out which sometimes includes blocking out pain or my pain threshold is much higher than at other times

Sarah

I have a really high pain threshold too. I am still working and I only broke my toes a few days ago. Not taking any pain meds. Only Lacey really has a problem with the broken toes but I think that’s more to do with the fact she is a child.
I’m still leaving notes and writing in our journal, to see if this hidden alter will try and reach out, in a less aggressive way.
A little off topic but have you noticed anything else in regards to having DID? I live on around 4hrs sleep at night and only being 5ft 3 and slim, can dead lift close to 100kg. Any random things you have noticed?