Two Inner Voices?

I'll try to keep this brief, I really don't know where to go with this I currently can't afford a therapist, and the ones I've had in the past have been no help when I describe my situation.

I am in my early 20s, female, ever since I can remember I've had two inner voices. She sounds just like me but a bit different more aggressive in a way. She tells me to do things constantly and sometimes I feel like two people in one body, kind of like I'm looking through two sets of eyes I could be reading something like a book or a computer screen and I feel like she's right next to me or that i'm seeing through her eyes but I'm still aware of myself.

I'll be talking to a family member and she'll tell me to shut up hurry up stop talking go to you room, eat more don't eat more, wash your hands, wash your hands longer, don't step on that crack, make sure you added punctuation to that sentence (she's saying that as i'm typing this now.) I have to repeat things over and over again, to satisfy her and the itch I get to do it. Sometimes I feel like someone else is controlling my hands and I have to break free.

I also have depersonlizaton and derelization all my life too, I always feel like I'm in a dream espcaily now with this thing going on. I feel super floaty and everything looks bright like a cartoon.

We can have full conversations with each other, been that way since I can remember too, I remember I use to speak out loud to her and the girls in elementary school used to think I was a crazy freak and avoided me gave me strange looks I thought it was normal to have two inner voices up until third grade.

So here's the bizarre thing I don't have any memory issues not really I mean, I have short term memory loss but usually if I concentrate hard enough I can remember, sometimes I wonder if she comes out when I sleep because people will comment on me saying something mean to them after I wake up and I have no recollection. She wakes me up while I sleep sometimes, telling me its time to get up hurry up and make breakfast hurry hurry hurry. Sometimes i say mean things and I feel like I can't help myself like a bit of her is coming out of me. Its scary, I didn't have a traumatic childhood though I remember majority of it (until the age of 3 and up to my age now.)

I wonder sometimes if my mother had twins and she died and now our souls our merged because I can't explain it otherwise. I tried telling therapist in the past when I was a teen they completely ignored me, whenever I describe I felt unreal and my body didn't feel like my own they would never suggest anything. I have not been professionally diagnosed with dp and dr but I'm 100 percent sure I have it.



I constantly question my reality, I sometimes wonder if I'm sitting in an insane asylum and my family isn't real and I lost my mind years ago, I question everything and everyone especially now I'm starting to think nothing is real and I've gotten close to doing something reckless because why should I care if nothing is real nothing makes sense anymore??


Well this was all over the place, I know typos etc. Anyone else experience two inner voices? I'm not sure if I posted this in the right place because I have no clue with this is DID or something else entirely.

Different "inner voices" and feeling the presence of someone else, looking at things through different points of view... Are part of how we experience being multiple.

The constant big Ds (derealization, dissociation, depersonalization) might also explain why you feel like you are imagining everything. Zami is the one who has this worse, and they sometimes go completely crazy about how "nothing is real and I am not real". The Ds are a sign of high levels of stress and difficulties coping with said stress.

Being on the dissociative scale does not always come with amnesia. Though you might have amnesia about amnesia (i.e. forget that there are holes in your memory). One way to check this is to journal often about your daily life.

Journalling can also help you communicate better with your other voice or keep traces of your conversations, for example.

Since you sound like you experience distress from the Ds, it might be a good idea to see a therapist about it. Also, not all therapists will listen to you properly. Sometimes you need to interview them beforehand (like you are recruiting someone to work for you) in order to find the one who is right for you.

I cannot think about other advices to tell you right now.

Good luck.

#Uriel#

Whoops. I wrote a whole long reply and then the page crashed. Short version: you have come to the right place. It's going to be okay.