Alcohol and DID

Hi, this is a question for Una, I wonder it often when I read how much better you are. Do you know what your trauma was? Just yes or no, not looking for details. I just wonder if you got better with or without knowing trauma. If you don't mind answering.

Thanks,

Sarah

Manners73,

I think I can very clearly say that blacking out with alcohol intake is related to my dissociations! I've been drinking alcohol on/off since late teens. Socially through college and infrequently in young adulthood-never, ever, ever blacked out or didn't remember what had happened. Even the few times I drank too much and ended up throwing up-I remembered it all. In the more recent past, with my children much older, I am drinking wine nightly. Still, no problem. Until this year. Over Christmas, I had my very first complete dissociation event where I was GONE. I thought my mom was dying so I was angry (she'd die without telling me) and freaking out at the same time, very heightened internal turmoil. In that state, I went to sleep and ...was triggered during intimacy. I wasn't present and woke up freaking out, to put it mildly. And that started it! Whereas my husband and I had our same nightly routine of drinking wine while watching tv, I started not remembering the ending of the shows. My husband would be like "Remember? This happened last night...". And I was texting people and wouldn't remember it! Well, only when it was related to "poking the bear". Apparently, my other thinks it was triggering and I forgot it. Therapy was a rollercoaster, dealing with so much trauma-related feelings. And then my son came home from college over spring break and didn't return. Suddenly, I was MOM again and my other stopped coming out in therapy and I stopped not remembering the night before. So in my case, it's not the alcohol that is wiping my memory but is my emotional state combined with dissociation. Hugs!

Sarandipity wrote:Hi, this is a question for Una

Wow, I saw this. I don't read most threads, even threads I've posted in, so that's a surprise!

Sarandipity wrote:Do you know what your trauma was? Just yes or no, not looking for details. I just wonder if you got better with or without knowing trauma. If you don't mind answering.

My answer is yes and no, or maybe I'm not sure. I know of a lot of verified trauma. More than enough, really. My ACE score is obscenely high. Much of that trauma I have always remembered and some I have never remembered, and I'd just as soon not remember. I have not recovered any childhood memories.

There are numerous hints of additional childhood trauma I don't know of. Do you get what I mean? There are often-repeated family stories that don't add up, that strongly suggest someone is lying or rugsweeping about something awful. There are supposedly wonderful stories of my life that I do not remember at all; what I do remember from those years is flying out the window and far, far away. I have not tried to uncover the truth behind the stories, I just keep my own family away from my family of origin and sketchy people and situations in general.

I think the short answer is a person living with DID may be able to get much better without following every thread to buried trauma, but for sure any trauma that emerges as dreams, memories, flashbacks, or in other ways does need to be addressed.

From my reading I know that when a parent dies the adult child survivor may then begin to recall awful stuff. If that happens I will know what is happening and what to do about it: see a therapist.

Stay safe and be well, everyone!

It's funny you should say about memories coming to you after the death of a parent. It was the death of my brother that triggered memories for me. I'm not getting the full picture of what happened, it's like little flashes and I can't remember the rest. Before he died I remembered no trauma at all.