Journey Thread Sarandipity

ArbreMonde wrote:Rose might be similar to this guy, but she is not this guy. We will always find other people who share traits with us. We might like the people, or not like them. It does not mean we have to like or dislike their traits inside of us!

It is difficult, I know, to make the difference between the two.

Most of us dislike people who are too focused on their looks. But, I love to wear make-up, make myself pretty, try to find clothes that would suit our physical body and make us look good too. Does it mean that I am focused only on those things? No, it does not. Does it mean that my headmates are going to hate me for that? Of course not! I am me. I am myself. I have other traits.

Rose has other traits too. Try to find what makes Rose unique and herself, and work from here. I am sure it will help you and your headmates understand who she really is, by herself.

xoxo

♥Lust♥ (with -David- nearby)

Thanks Lust and David. You're right, she has other qualities. So does he, good ones.

I think it's like in another of my thread about cutting off. I never bonded to him and I don't know him so I want to cut off. To Rose it'll be a loss she'll be unaware of which I need to deal with too.

I do really feel at the moment I need to be single and focus on therapy and my life. I don't like the guy, others don't too so it needs to be we don't stay in the relationship. Rose accepting that will be harder.

You're right though Rose is different to him. She loves the idea of nice stuff and looking good, other parts do too but she doesn't need it, she's a very make do person.

Thanks.

Sarah

-- Wed Jul 22, 2020 9:44 am --

sleepingwolf wrote:We just wanted to say that we've read your posts and we see and hear you all. We don't have any advice or comments, just that we hear and respect you all.

Sending warmth and kindness to you all


Yanni
(and All of the Tribe)

Thank you Yanni and all of the tribe

-- Wed Jul 22, 2020 9:48 am --

So I am getting out of the relationship I'm in. In the internal process of that, aside from I don't like him, I realised that to do this assessment and therapy I have to do it alone. There's a witches saying "the cat that leaps is not the cat that lands" I need to recentre and go to the assessment and therapy in the most centred way possible and that is not with being in any relationship.

Sarah

I had a letter from my psychiatrist. It has on the letter "dissociative disorder unspecified“ I see this as a massive step forward.

I'm still going to go to the private specialist clinic to get assessed for the dissociation.

In other news:

Parts to me have been rea quiet. I had a couple this morning talking about me in the third person. But generally they are quiet and switching is rare.

On a long car journey with the now ex there was switching and I don't know what went on or what was said. When I got home I was exhausted and had to sleep which I think was partially the switching and partially the ex moaning at me.

Sarah

I feel like I had the last few years where I was so isolated from the outside world because of the ex bf that now other peoples problems are coming towards me thick and fast.

I've always been a person who helps others except while with this ex bf for 3 years. So I feel like it's life catching up with me and piling on the helping I ought to have done and missed in the last 3 years.

That sounds silly but it's how I feel about it.

Sarah

Sarah and All,

We just wanted to say we've read your posts and it sounds like you are all making some really good progress and really positive, big moves, go you(s)!

We relate to 'missing years', especially around other people/outer world. We always think of physics and laws of motion...not that we know anything about it, so forgive this poor analogy...! We always think of stuff like how when a fly is in a car, its going really slow, but moving really fast in the car, but then it flies out of a window, and zooooommmmmmm, its nowhere, or splat... Or stuff like if you are on a fast train, you're travelling 60mph, but you're standing still too. If you jumped out of the train, you'd be going like a few mph from the jump, but because of the train...like crazy splat...

I guess there is a lot to speeds, trajectories, things moving at different times and places...that even in the physical world doesn't make much sense... and it totally fits in the emotional/psychological world too...

I guess what we're saying is, go easy on yourselves All...!

Wishing you all the best of luck

Pastella
(and All of the Tribe)

Thanks Sleepingwolf for that great analogy especially for what I'm just thinking about and starting to write about so thank you.

To use the analogy of the fly, there's a fly who is Alot more behind than me. That fly is No-one.

All week I thought it was me, Sarah, that was devastated to hear bad news about an ex. I mean absolutely devestated. Run out the house, cry, get drunk devasted. It started to not make full emotional sense to me and I noticed no-one was with me because of the slight lisp and foot pain. She even took some meds and deliberately drunk and smoked weed. It's all over this bad news.

It started to not make sense to me because I had processed that breakup years ago and to react so extremely I eventually realised was not exactly me. No-one didn't get to process it so hearing the guy has a short time to live really messed her up. Plus she started to hang around with another criminal.

I thought it was me doing it even though I kept thinking I don't want to do this, it's definitely No-one. Pat is with me at the moment...

No-one is a force unto herself. She does whatever she wants. She wasn't and was trying to fit in to our life now but the shock of the news from the ex brought up her emotions from that time and bang. I care about him but I wouldn't on my own react so extreme.

She's gone between incredibly doing whatever she wants and then just chilling out.

I'm glad I'm out of the relationship I was in though because it was awful.

Hopefully No-one has calmed down a little but I don't think so because she has other stuff planned. I'm starting to think that Alot of the chaos from teenage years was her.

Sarah

Ok so I got caught out. But she doesn't say, I had a good time, I feel so much more free and relaxed. Because she does. Even started to write a bit more yesterday and actually relax.

The main stress for everyone, except me really, was the son going to the mother. He isn't coming back unless he cuts all contact with her, no leeway on that.

So I got emotional and remembered how to have fun. I don't see what the big deal is. I do because I was slightly wreck less but everyone feels better for it? OK, they don't. They have anxiety "oh no No-one is back and not really changed" Life is for living. Yeah it can be a bit #######5 and a load of #######5 stuff happened to us but that's all the more reason to enjoy ourselves as much as possible not live this weird small life that was being lived. I went along with it but then when T said he was dieing I thought f this. Sarah agreed we was definitely in the wrong relationship so she can't fully blame me. I just ran with it.

Also I didn't go out my way going on dating sites like they do I just did it old fashioned and looked around me, took a few opportunities and had some fun. Then chilled out. They have a really good alone set up here and they was wasting it with that bf.

He basically held them captive. That's how I see it. Nobody had friends, nobody did anything fun, nobody was living at all. Which reminds me...

No-one

Somebody is having a hard time accepting there are child parts. It's so difficult to tell who it is because it even feels like it's me having a hard time of it and I thought for a moment I was having a hard time accepting there's child parts till I realised I already accepted it. So I dunno who it is but it seems noteworthy.

Sarah

This morning I'm sitting here thinking about how I went a bit nuts in every sense of the word. And whether it's because of No-one or if it's circumstancual.

I was like a trapped animal, no friends and just work and the bf. Then the lock down made that worse. Or was it because No-one came back or was it both.

It was probably both.


Before the bf I had outlets. I'd go out and let my hair down with friends. They didn't like him and stopped talking to me so I lost that. I used to take my children out on days out Alot, I lost that. I used to date guys, no relationship, I lost that. So I had no outlets.

My life was out of balance. Maybe lock down highlighted that. Maybe no-one did have enough or saw an opportunity to let loose.

Alters have been relatively quiet still. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the meds. Maybe it's a good thing they are quiet.

Sarah

Hey Sarah, I dunno why you're blaming No-one lol. I was quietly putting up with him. You got rid of him in 0.4 seconds. You know why. I told the guy who helped thanks and now you moved on it 0.4 seconds.

I have no idea why when he upset everyone else Pat woke up the twins and then got me because you got rid of him where we didn't really know what to do. You just didn't give a f. That's why I like you. Anyway I know you're with me right now but I felt like I had to respond like this.

Life is so much better now. Others are quiet. I definitely believe they filled in for you and then now you're back and that triggering guy has gone they just aren't needed so they stay inside.

If it ain't broke don't fix it. As in life is generally better imo so let's leave it alone.

Beth

I decided to stop distracting myself from my pain. I have DID, I was abused as a kid. I don't care about my life, I don't care about stuff, I don't care about anything really. I couldn't afford to care about anything or anyone when I was younger. Although my sister has said "I protected her" I don't remember any of that. I do remember feeling bad when I was relieved one night when I heard them take her from her room and I was left in peace.

I keep trying to distract myself from my pain with various means, including the 4 year abusive relationship I was jusr in. Every relationship I've been in was with an abusive man because it kept me focused on the present, on surviving, instead of having time to dwell on how horrendous my childhood was. Everything I do and say has basically been a distraction from that. Internal lives of alters, real life distractions outside. I decided I'm giving myself a break and instead of all these distractions I'm going to let myself be sad. I'm fed up trying to "just live my life" of trying to...

-- Tue Aug 25, 2020 6:53 pm --

Live a life of "the best revenge is a life well lived" I'm tired of it. It's too draining. I'm going to let myself be a miserable basted for an indefinite amount of time.