Journey Thread Sarandipity

We just wanted to say that we hear you all and we're wishing you well. We're sending positive and peaceful vibes your way...

Good luck with how things progress


Pastella
(and All)

sleepingwolf wrote:We just wanted to say that we hear you all and we're wishing you well. We're sending positive and peaceful vibes your way...

Good luck with how things progress


Pastella
(and All)

Thank you for the well wishes.

Beth and all of us

***TW WARNING SEXUAL, EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL ABUSE***

I believe I worked out why my sister behaved how she did towards this bf.

The sexual abuse by both parents involved creating jealousy. So they would create a jealousy, "make your mum jealous" (Beth)

The mother was also a jealous narcissistic woman anyway. (Paul)

Anyway... So using jealousy they pitted us against each other. The mother pitted herself against me and my sister plus the father encouraged it. That's the first point.

The second point is that years ago when we stopped talking to the sister, I agreed with the decision, because i felt she was trying to put us in a "mother role" which i told her I can not be in for her (for many reasons) but the most important reason to me being that she will then see me as our mother and pit herself against me.

The third point is that she no longer talks to either, so called, parent. (Paul added the so called) which I believe has now left her open into filling that gap in her psyche.

My conclusion: I start talking to her again after years, leave her with my bf with her, old abuse mechanisms set off in her head and she kisses him, slanders me to him, asks him to come back to hers. He then refused and she turned nasty towards him how she was always nasty to the father, because she can't fully have him.

Anyway I don't blame her, i blame the abuse. She often is seeing attached men and doesn't care. I believe the thing that saved me from this is partly the mother didn't like me so she spent little time with me and i didn't pick up so much of her psyche and that at 8 years old i squashed any jealousy within me. Squashing jealousy completely i realise isn't 100% healthy but it has saved me from jealously seeking out other womens men.

So that's why and I dont blame her but I am going to stay away from her because I feel she's unhealthy to be around or i just can't ever let her see a bf... I dunno, parts do feel loyalty etc towards her... We haven't decided that bit yet.

Beth

**END TRIGGER WARNING**


Also can i say we have not been resting and living a quiet life. No-one (the alter) has been running riot. She decided being a theif is a great idea, one armed robbery was enough in a lifetime and the money to jail time ratio for basic theft makes much more sense. It's been a nightmare. However she has agreed now to live a quiet life , give time to write the book, but she wants a few criminal characters in it rather than it be all sci fi and faction about the Dali Lama. I feel like she has it out of her system, the running riot, time will tell.

Beth (No-one's gf)

Sorry i remembered something else i noticed of note. It was actually Sarah who worked it out but she, like No-one, finds the internet a chore. I love it.

Basically between me and Sarah, and No-one helped, we worked out Paul is the reason that we have such factuous relationships with men.

**TW MENTION OF SEX AND VIOLENCE **

Me and No-one used to have the sexual relationship with the first bf. That's whats been happening with this latest bf. Paul is ok with that. What he isn't ok with is Sarah, his sister being involved in any way, Karen his ex being involved in any way or Rose his mother being involved in any way.

He gets incredibly jealous and incredibly angry. So as soon as any one of those three do anything or get any kind of feelings he feels threatened. He hasn't fully learned that violence is wrong, let's say it like that, even though he promised after M that he wouldn't beat men up. (Beth)

Sarah wasn't involved in the last relationship, Rose didn't like the guy eventually and Karen would go off with other guys so Paul wasn't threatened by him.

With this latest bf, Rose likes to mother him and Sarah gets on with him as a friend and Karen keeps trying to seduce him although this bf seems to prefer me and Beth's approach, Karen finding him attractive is a big problem for Paul. I also suspect Sarah has fell in love with him, but she isn't letting on to us, we know she said that to him and she only says it if she means it. . (No-one)

So anyway Paul wants to kill the guy. Literally kill and "he isn't worth the jail time" is what holds him back. Paul has got worse with every incident. I'm just going to say it. He broke his finger, he says it was Batcho that did that. He says he just poured beer on him, said a few words and wanted to kill him but has zero intentions of doing so. Oh ok, that makes sense. (Beth)...

Batcho, in his delusions and psychosis, has decided the guy is Fortune in a man's body. F knows why. Batcho wasn't coping well knowing he was in the same body as Fortune and could never outside find her. It happened to Rose with Pat but Rose isn't psychotic like Batcho so she slowly accepted it. So Batcho broke the guys wedding finger and said now whoever you marry I'll be there... "when someone puts a ring on that finger and it hurts or the ring is hard to get on (he snapped it in two places) you'll know who caused it and you'll think of me"

This is why its better we are single or date guys most of us don't like or find attractive. Just saying. It's not just me, its that psychotic nutcase you have to worry about. Sarah actually preferred the guy with the beautiful body, tats and a weed habit but she dropped him because is it worth all the agro? No.

Between me and Batcho you got no chance. I know you girls (Beth and No-one) think its all great to go around getting guys the others actually like (like the first bf) but think about it, that psychotic nutcase was going to cut the first bfs throat because he believed he beat up Fortune and i beat and spat on that firsr bf till he cried.

Now this one cried at me because i told him i don't like him, never did and never loved him and then i threatened to kill him but i can't do anything because the psychotic nutcase, Batcho, thinks the guy is f'in Fortune in a man's body.

I'll say it another way... There is a psychotic nutcase in our head and a very jealous man... Pick a guy none of you are that emotionally fussed about or attracted to if you have to pick anyone. Sarah gets it. (Paul)

**END TRIGGER**

Ok, now there is an argument going on between Paul and Sarah and No-one. Sarah is saying Paul shouldn't say that because No-one is very rebellious and will see the guy more because Paul doesn't like it. No-one is saying she can see Paul's point but Sarah and Paul know her M.O She'll agree to everything verbally and then go do whatever she likes anyway, on purpose purely because someone doesn't like it or it's wrong in some way. So Paul is saying "don't bs me No-one" and she's laughing. Now they are both laughing and Sarah is getting upset because this is a serious issue. I feel anxiety because i know we have to stop seeing the guy, it'll all get worse and even though No-one is saying she won't see him again I'm finding it difficult to believe her because i know how much being told what to do triggers her.

Rose is saying she doesn't care either way because she was just enjoying feeding him and mothering him but Paul put a stop to that so there's nothing in it for her. Pat said he finds the whole theiving thing a bit lame because nobody respects thieves but he sees the guys point on jail to money ratio but he never wanted to be any part of that kind of life and apparently No-one made him go theiving with the guy but Mandy got over excited, thank God in his opinion because he just couldn't, and took over. Mandy never had so much fun. No-one thinks the whole thing is hilarious and that it ought to teach everyone for locking her up with the Overlord for so long. Batcho is waking up and saying "where is that little bitch" talking about this bf, thinking she is Fortune, and complaining we have stuff to do not sitting here typing. I didn't know the twins (Batcho and Fortune) had such an abusive relationship. I did say at the time locking No-one up was a bad idea, they told me she was dead for two years, drowned by Paul. Then they said she's in prison for armed robbery and she'll be back. But to know they deliberately locked her with the Overlord i don't blame her causing all this trouble. First she quit our job, then she didn't know what to do with the last bf and she's an opportunist so i guess opportunity just presented its self and for three or four months we've been pretty much at her mercy. I've been ok, in doors and just doing what i always do but everyone else has risked prison or at least court about ten times each.

They're trying to talk Batcho out of his psychosis regarding this current bf and Fortune. Even Fortune is trying to help. He feels sick and stupid now. He's swaying Pauls way. No-one is saying sorry about him thinking the guy is Fortune, she didn't expect that bit, I don't think she did. Batcho is depressed again. The Overlord is being Mr Brightside saying "well at least you know where Fortune is and she can't run away or leave you" Batcho is starting to cry. No-one actually does feel bad about that, so probe that's enough pay back... Nope she's shouting twenty years of missed life, yeah i feel bad your head got ###$ but what I've done is nothing in comparison. But she realises she can't keep effectively taking it out on herself.

I think everyone needs a bit of time to reflect and calm down and process.

Beth