How do I handle littles

Vi here, I haven't experienced a little since I was about 11 and when I did experience the little I had other people deal with her. Now, miraculously, it seems like the little is back and I have no clue how to handle her. What should I do? How do I go about dealing with her in my adult life? I almost talked to her but she ran off before I could do anything.
Any advice at all would be great.

I think it kind of depends on the little themselves. I know a lot of people have kids that are very very Very scared, and often that are stuck in trauma time, so doing things to show it’s safe now and that things are different/you’re a grown up is a starting point. Communication is important - you could get some paper and crayons and invite them to come draw and write, if possible. Talking inside to them, even if they don’t answer, might make them feel more seen and encourage them to come out of hiding.

We buy our kids things of their own, like a stuffed animal or a coloring book, and try to let them spend a little time doing things they like that are safe during the day when we have time (watching a show about animals, coloring, snuggling with a blanket). Asking what they want or need can help, although sometimes I find the kids don’t know, so we have to try a couple of things before we get it right.

I’m not sure what to offer in the realm of dealing with adult life, like handling a job or dating or such, since I am a bit in a limbo myself (we are not exactly in adult life, but not a kid either; it’s a bit complicated rn for us)— other users might have better advice.

Make them feel welcome, and make them feel safe, is the bottom line I think. Let them know bad things are not happening now, and that you will protect them and everyone else if bad things do happen again— that you have the ability now to do that. Be prepared for them to possibly, once they feel safer, share their secrets. The kids often know a lot about things and it can be overwhelming or even destabilizing; if you have a therapist, they can be a great asset here — some therapists, trustworthy good ones, can become friends to your kids and might even be told secrets before you get told!

Good luck. I hope something here can help.

- Wolf

I feel like I have loads but I don't see them or know them. The fragments are all children. Whether they are all child parts or just fragments I don't know but I know there's a lot of them.

It also feels to me like adult parts can easily regress to child parts. Also like the adult parts and the child fragments are pieces of each other.

I have had only a couple of child fragments come out. One wanted to see London Bridge, that's all I personally know about that and the other was really traumatised.

Mandy is a child part but I know her as Amanda age. 22. That's why I think there's regression or child part and adult part that can be linked.

How to look after them? Ummmm how you look after other parts of yourself? Try to give them what they need. Be kind to them. Somehow incorporate them into your life like you would an adult part?

They're my ideas,

Sarah

In here we do have a lot of children, most of them being fragments from the past. My spouse and I spend a lot of time caring for them inside. My wife positively loves children. (smile)

Though we do have on who fronts sometimes. We take care of him, allowing him sweets, coloring books... He also choose a stuffed animal for himself. He is part of a sub-system (the other member being Wrath), which might be what you meant, Sarah@Sarandipity.

Sub-systems are alters who are linked with each-other the way all members of a system, are linked. They can "switch" and are rarely co-conscious - or when they are, Wrath is only 8 years old. Some sub-systems are composed of the different ages of the same alter. Some sub-systems are more complex.

To go back to icecreamvi's first question, littles are handled the same way than outside traumatized children need to be handled. With love, care, patience, toys, sweets, and never left alone without the supervision of an adult. Show them that they are safe now, give them the care they need, listen to what they have to say about the past even if it's difficult and painful to listen to. They need someone to believe them.

The blog "Discussing dissociation" has a section devoted to child parts; though we cannot link it in here due to the rule against commercial links (said blogs contains commercial content, though the articles about child parts are free to access).

Good luck in your new role of foster parent to inner children,

oOo van H. oOo

It's been really nice to read the ideas and comments of other systems, always good to learn new tips for helping alters and system care.

What works best for Us is bonding experiences. We've found that some things can be too much 'pressure' or 'formal'. So we tend to do something like... put on a really nice Disney/Ghibli movie, get into really nice pj clothes, all cosy and stuff, get some ice-cream, a hot chocolate too, and maybe have a new box of lego and a new plushie toy...and just say 'Well, I'm going to sit here and relax and enjoy all these lovely things..and aren't they great! I'm more than happy for any company and we can enjoy them all together...' (Gosh, that got some of our littles excited)

Then maybe just eat the ice-cream, build the lego, watch the movie, 'hang out', without any pressure or talking or asking or anything... that can come later. We try to build the good times first, then ask questions, find out more details, once we are a bit more bonded.

Hope that helps! Good luck!

We also wanted to say, some of our Littles like butterflies just as much as Lego


Andromeda
(and All)

What we is do provide them things which will help and comfort them; colouring books, stuffies, sippy cup, pacifier (for the little littles!), goldfish crackers, Disney cartoons...

What is crucial, we feel, is to permit them a Voice, for everyone NEEDS to express themselves and furthermore they need to feel that they ARE indeed being heard.

Now, often our littles communicate via emotions, waves of feeling.

Curling up under the blanket with our bear can comfort too.