New alters vs imagination? How do you tell?

A quick experience reach of a question here.

Today I ‘felt’ and saw inside what I think is a new part, but as usual I am quick to second guess what I’ve seen. Besides the fact I had a impression of 4 parts I didn’t know earlier (ie about 2-3 weeks ago) meeting up with two known ones who had gone deeper into the inner world, I haven’t noticed anything that would tip me off to new splits. I guess we ARE in a acutely stressful situation right now (the pandemic + being forced to stay in our parents home + a rough time in therapy + little to no support circle) and have been in such a situation for a while, but I’m still ... worried I’m making these new ones up.

I want to talk to these new parts, and I plan to, but it seems that due to their location inside I either need to pass messages along or focus much more on the inside to communicate (they don’t seem to be able to ‘hear’ me like other parts who are ... close to the front/more co-conscious? Does that make sense?) I’m gonna try to journal and see if that’s a easier avenue.

I know that splits later in life are valid and real, and also that sometimes it takes a while for a split to develop into themselves. I still just worry. It’s sometthing I’m working on, the denial. I guess I’m also scared of new ones (both recently split and long time split + just recently awoke/discovered/came out of hiding/etc) because ‘oh my gosh we’re already so many, how can there be more?’ which usually turns into ‘we shouldn’t be this many’ and general doubting/downplay of both my disorders and trauma.

To others: do you ever worry you’ve made up the newer alters you find/who show up? How do you quell that worry? What kinds of things tend to precede discovery of a new/‘new’ (hiding) one for you all?

- Wolf

I wouldn't try to talk to them internally at first. I would write in a journal. We did that at first and it was an argument but it validated for me. When you see something you didn't write of a converse opinion but you know you wrote it because there's nobody around to write in it then you know it's real.

Then we scrapped the journal.

With Shane he wrote here. Shane was definitely an abused child part although his stuff seemed a bit fanciful. We will come back to it and sift between what's real. For now we just take his word, he's a female child and regressed and joined the trauma fragments quickly after expressing so he's ok. But it needs sifting.

For your own piece of mind I'd say write and wait. Sarah

companionwolf wrote: because ‘oh my gosh we’re already so many, how can there be more?’ which usually turns into ‘we shouldn’t be this many’ and general doubting/downplay of both my disorders and trauma.

I can relate to this so much...

I've found a kind of compromise some years ago, saying : "It's not against you, you can stay if you want to, but I just need some time to be sure you're really here, so I will stay neutral for a little while, maybe a month. If you're still around, it's totally okay and fine, you'll be a part of the family just like the others."

It has never been my imagination, and usually, a relationship slowly starts to develop right after me saying "I need time"...

But I still have a strong reaction when we discover a new alter (which didn't happen since 2018, thanks god, maybe we've really found everyone this time... ). I think it's normal to freak out when you're the host / the one made to look normal from the outside, finding a new alter goes against what we were made to do.

You can take your time. You don't have to accept everything and everyone right now.

For the signs, we've never had any clear ones as every new alter present themselves in their own way. Some had suddenly popped, other tried to avoid us for a while, other knocked at the door inside, and some were found by another alter (children usually bring home stray pups or kittens, Cass brought home Varegh-the-dragon...).

I hope it helps, and that your situation will improve, it seems quite stressful right now.

Thank you for the response, y’all!

Sarandipity wrote:For your own piece of mind I'd say write and wait. Sarah

This turned out to be how things went — managed to make contact through the journal with two of these new ones (they agree there are two more, but none of them actually can give me a name or description of the other two, which is fine). I still have the problem of having to focus more to ‘hear’ them, and it seems to be a me only problem (the parts closer to front can hear these further back parts just fine and vice versa), but we’ll keep with the journal while trying to see what can be done about internal communication.

What’s a little frustrating is as more and more parts put down their thoughts in the journal, I started getting bad denial, even writing ‘this isn’t real I’m making it up’ (which was answered ‘you’re not’ of course). Every little mistake started seeming like proof it was all just me pretending, even though I KNOW our journal writing is less ‘rapidly switching so each part is writing’ and more ‘parts talking inside and me writing down what they say’. (Handwriting still changes though so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I guess it’s something I’ll learn to deal with.

Dwelt wrote:

companionwolf wrote: because ‘oh my gosh we’re already so many, how can there be more?’ which usually turns into ‘we shouldn’t be this many’ and general doubting/downplay of both my disorders and trauma.

I can relate to this so much...

I've found a kind of compromise some years ago, saying : "It's not against you, you can stay if you want to, but I just need some time to be sure you're really here, so I will stay neutral for a little while, maybe a month. If you're still around, it's totally okay and fine, you'll be a part of the family just like the others."

It has never been my imagination, and usually, a relationship slowly starts to develop right after me saying "I need time"...

It feels really relieving to see someone else related to that particularly. And I’ll try the compromise thing. Another new part wrote ‘you worry too much, focus on betterment and not validity’ at me today, and like. They’re right. So I’ll try. It’s the least I can offer these parts, my willingness to give them time, if not total acceptance (one part expressed annoyance at my denial but she also seems to understand that it’s kind of a needed thing ... I still hope one day I can get to a point where I’m not always second guessing.)

It's really frustrating to be maybe OSDD because we're like, having to feel like we need to be real careful of what we do, and we just try to quiet the system and let new things be revealed on their own, without trying to make them pick their names or what they look like or their ages or anything of that. And we know when something must be extra true, because like we have to change the details a little in the signature like because we figured out some stuff that we really don't like. Or maybe we should just wait until we can think a little more clearly. But being OSDD and not having long blackouts (okay we get little ones but not like wake up in another place or something) we just really struggle with what's wishful thinking and what is us us.

###Stephanie###