The new child alter

So a really weird thing happened!

We had a (switch) game on order called 'Spirit of the North' where you play as a fox and its based on an icelandic folklore story or something...so anyway it arrived, we'd played level 1 and took a screenshot of a cute moment where your little red fox sits next to a 'spirit fox' - 2 little foxes together.

Anyway today when we went out for our walk we went down a road we have been up and down countless times over the years and never saw 1 fox ...today as we were riding down there (on scooter with dog running alongside) 2 real foxes appeared from nowhere crossing the road, one shot into the bushes the other stood there in the middle of the road watching us come towards it, only when our dog got excited and barked did it shoot off.

As it did a 'voice thought' comes from nowhere 'it's a sign from me'.
'who?...whose this?' (not recognising it as a current alter)
'Phoenix' the reply came.

I nearly crashed the scooter at this point, its a good job it was really early morning and no-one else about and could feel my heartbeat getting faster.

last week I'd been laid on the bed when the heart rate had suddenly shot up and started having palpitations... referring to this incident I said 'was it you last week?'
'Yes' the reply came 'I wanted to see the foxes' (I'd been watching a nature documentary at the time and foxes were on it!).

Aware someone was coming our way with a dog (and ours can be a bit reactive) I had to switch focus and slip down a different path to avoid having to pass them, once we reached a safe field I whispered 'phoenix' but they had gone.

Came back home, fed the dog.. curious to trigger the alter again I tried switching the game back on again and started playing it, sure enough Phoenix came back in (to the background) I suddenly got an overwhelming sense it was the same presence I'd felt before that had 'run away' when they'd realised I'd sensed them a few weeks back.

'You've visited me before haven't you' I said not giving them chance to deny it.

'yes'

(K) 'Are you male or female?'

(P) Why does it matter?'

(K) but you're one who loved the records and memories? the ones from the early 80's?

(no response)

(K)..making you what?....12?

(P) so?

(K) was the body 12 when you were 12?

(P) you're going the wrong way..

(K) where? what do you mean?

(P) the game.... you've missed the shamen's stick.... (giggles and disappears)

..leaving me wondering how do they know that!...It's the first time I've played through the game! It only arrived on Friday! ..so that was it...

My introduction to Phoenix! ..slightly evasive and defensive, no idea what they looked like or whether they identify as boy or girl! ..but I think it's the same presence I felt before that I'd guessed was around 12 (sure I mentioned it on here somewhere).

I'm slightly confused how come they didn't appear the time the system pushed everyone to the front to trigger adrenaline for the allergic reaction that time, why wait until now? ..or is it someone who already existed or has 'reincarnated themselves' ..hence the nickname Phoenix!

Can a past adult alter reinvent themselves as a new child alter?

Comments and theories welcomed cos I'm just feeling baffled! ..and wondering if I'm having some kind of 'funny turn'! .or just been in lockdown too long!

Kit

I'm going to tell you exactly what I would think if this happened to me and hope it's ok:

If an internal voice said "that's a sign from me" we'd think "oh great we're going psychotic" or "oh great a psychotic alter" or "Batcho are you awake"

He can't watch TV because he'll take it personally, like it's talking to him or telling him something. Which last time we were psychotic he watched Batwoman and had a good psychotic idea for the book because he took it personally - something completely unrelated to the show - so sometimes there's an upside.

Mostly signs and him thinking the microwave etc has feelings and might someday uprise and take over the earth lead eventually to hearing external voices. The voices then either say what we're doing - which is really annoying and I start to think "am I on the Trueman show" or they say completely irrelevant stuff that's made up eg "you're walking with the Cray twins through the enchanted forest" which these stories or imagination used to help survive the abuse... Going completely into fantasy as a child helped. But it's not so great as an adult.

So I'd think psychosis...any kind of "that's a sign" psychosis. Unless it's a standard sign like 2 magpies are good luck etc.

I doubt that helps but that's what I'd think or fear of hearing that even internally.

Sarah

-- Mon Jun 15, 2020 7:14 am --

His latest worst one is: we're on a mission from God. We got shot in the head by the CIA and died because of all the stuff he and a few other alters did but because we're on a mission from God the world reset and now just the numbers on the dart board are in different places or we're in a parallel universe of that.


I'd say LOL but it's disrespectful. We are putting "world reset" into the book but not mission from God.

Anyway I hope it's not the start of a psychosis for you and you tell the alter it can't send foxes as a sign to you.

Much luck,

Sarah

How I deal with it to rationalize and to not upset him is with science. In science you can have theories so with his CIA delusion (potential delusion): 1. The dart board is the Mandela effect, there are parallel universes 2. He's psychotic 3. He's right.

All alters can pick their own theory (on anything) we do this with everything and we carry on. Most pick Mandela effect because we remember him dieing in prison and being released, we were kids. But the other theory of that is which is also a favourite for our system is "it's the government or powerful messing with the masses" and there's no Mandela effect. So that's a whole other debate.

With a simple sign it's: 1. Psychosis 2. Law of attraction (you attracted the foxes by wanting them and expecting them or that alter did. 3. Coincidence.

Our fourth theory is always: it's all correct. It's a coincidence and the law of attraction and psychosis.

It takes alot of education and brain power to deal with this disorder. If everyone starts debating I get a headache now...they are debating that if the law of attraction is correct and enough people believe in the Mandela effect then parallel universe could be created by wide spread belief in the Mandela effect.

Anyway, again, much luck. Sarah

Hi

We don't have any belief's about god or CIA or anything like that.

When I say 'voice' I don't mean I could hear a voice (like someone stood there physically speaking) I said 'Voice thought' which to us means a thought sent by another alter that we 'read' in the voice of that alter and the way they would say it. (like if an alter or family member left you a note and you could imagine them saying it in their voice).

It's an hell of a coincidence considering we go down that road several times a week and have lived here over 15 yrs now and never once seen a fox at that location or time before and it happened immediately after receiving a game with a fox in it!

We do tend to believe in fate and stuff like magpies 'one for sorrow, two for joy' etc (or have alters who do). Maddie believed for ages her dog was going to reincarnate as a girl again after she consistently saw 3 magpie's in several places after the dog died. She would also pay for sessions with an animal communicator who told her dog was sending her signs to let her know she was still watching over her so then every Robin, Rainbow, feather on the ground (especially if it was pure white with no other feathers around) was a sign from her old dog.

Coincidentally our mum used to tell us thunder was the 'angels moving furniture' and when she died she would always be with us watching over us so we didn't need to visit a grave to talk to her.

lastly we have had alters able to block other alters from knowing they had 'been out' so I guess it is possible 'Phoenix' has been out but blocked that memory. There is a feeling within the system that the original self is preparing to re-emerge as they feel ready to cope with this more isolated, less hectic life where they have more control over stuff than they did as a child.

Kit

KitMcDaydream wrote:Hi

We don't have any belief's about god or CIA or anything like that.

When I say 'voice' I don't mean I could hear a voice (like someone stood there physically speaking) I said 'Voice thought' which to us means a thought sent by another alter that we 'read' in the voice of that alter and the way they would say it. (like if an alter or family member left you a note and you could imagine them saying it in their voice).

It's an hell of a coincidence considering we go down that road several times a week and have lived here over 15 yrs now and never once seen a fox at that location or time before and it happened immediately after receiving a game with a fox in it!

We do tend to believe in fate and stuff like magpies 'one for sorrow, two for joy' etc (or have alters who do). Maddie believed for ages her dog was going to reincarnate as a girl again after she consistently saw 3 magpie's in several places after the dog died. She would also pay for sessions with an animal communicator who told her dog was sending her signs to let her know she was still watching over her so then every Robin, Rainbow, feather on the ground (especially if it was pure white with no other feathers around) was a sign from her old dog.

Coincidentally our mum used to tell us thunder was the 'angels moving furniture' and when she died she would always be with us watching over us so we didn't need to visit a grave to talk to her.

lastly we have had alters able to block other alters from knowing they had 'been out' so I guess it is possible 'Phoenix' has been out but blocked that memory. There is a feeling within the system that the original self is preparing to re-emerge as they feel ready to cope with this more isolated, less hectic life where they have more control over stuff than they did as a child.

Kit

Yea, we have those superstitions / beliefs. They are ok. It's if an internal part says it's a sign they sent we'd question "is this a psychotic alter or start of psychosis"

Seeing magpies or having dead relatives seen as robins etc yeah that's one thing - a superstition or belief. But for a part who is internal to say they sent a sign, that to us would be psychotic or delusional.

That's where I was coming from.

The coincidence with the game and the foxes, that's a tough call but we'd still worry. But if you don't or never have suffered psychosis then it's unlikely to be that. Sarah

HI again Sarah this is Sioux

I am able to access Maddie's memories from her time out front and can tell you she has in the past seen single foxes in different locations but can't find a memory of her actually seeing 2 together. (For some reason Kit and Maddie never shared memories or co-hosted together)

I do know they sometimes make a den locally though so it could have been either a male or female or a mother with an older cub.

'Phoenix' is the codename for the OS' plan to re-emerge/be re-born ('Project Phoenix'), I think she was playing games with Kit! (ie the foxes just happened to appear and she sent the thought to Kit to see if it spooked her). The OS knew Kit had 'missed a bit' in the game because she had been out watching YouTube video walkthrough's of the game before the new game arrived here! ..A bit naughty I know! I suspect she presented as a child so she could get away with it! (to be fair she hasn't existed in the real world since she was a child in the late 70's/early 80's so she's in for real shock with regard to how much the world has changed if she does decide to come out and fully front her self!)

Kit will know all of this by the next time she comes up front. I don't know when this will be yet though. I've got a list of stuff to get through and the OS has started slipping out themselves for short periods without any alters since lockdown guaranteed no-one about or likely to drop in unexpectedly.

Sioux

KitMcDaydream wrote:HI again Sarah this is Sioux

I am able to access Maddie's memories from her time out front and can tell you she has in the past seen single foxes in different locations but can't find a memory of her actually seeing 2 together. (For some reason Kit and Maddie never shared memories or co-hosted together)

I do know they sometimes make a den locally though so it could have been either a male or female or a mother with an older cub.

'Phoenix' is the codename for the OS' plan to re-emerge/be re-born ('Project Phoenix'), I think she was playing games with Kit! (ie the foxes just happened to appear and she sent the thought to Kit to see if it spooked her). The OS knew Kit had 'missed a bit' in the game because she had been out watching YouTube video walkthrough's of the game before the new game arrived here! ..A bit naughty I know! I suspect she presented as a child so she could get away with it! (to be fair she hasn't existed in the real world since she was a child in the late 70's/early 80's so she's in for real shock with regard to how much the world has changed if she does decide to come out and fully front her self!)

Kit will know all of this by the next time she comes up front. I don't know when this will be yet though. I've got a list of stuff to get through and the OS has started slipping out themselves for short periods without any alters since lockdown guaranteed no-one about or likely to drop in unexpectedly.

Sioux

Hi again Sioux,

That is very similar to our issue with Batcho. He was always internal since I don't know when. I believe his job was to make up fairy stories when I was child to block the abuse. I was always day dreaming and in my own world. The days were nearly as bad as the nights so my imagination was my saviour. Now he tells stories whenever their is a trigger. So the stories changed. When I was triggered at 18 I can't remember the story now because I remember the trigger... My mother didn't take me to the police even though she wasn't involved in that act of abuse and took me to the hospital. When I was released a few days later that's when the story kicked in and I believed I must be dead for nobody to care. I wandered off. When they found me I didn't know who I was and they said I had psychosis.

Anyway sorry that just wanted to come out. So when there's a trigger he comes out. He'll tell a story about one or all of the alters, throw in real life characters that are infamous usually and put it all in an imaginary place. It's so overwhelming that it's like being a child again when you believe your imagination. That's what they tell us is psychotic. Then if I take meds I hallucinate. I used to think I was hallucinating but 2014 I had this awful doctor. I hadn't took meds for years and was basically ok after three days. I didn't take meds off him for two weeks and was fine, no stories and no hallucinations, the story had stopped and we were battling this doctor. He wanted to keep us there and wouldn't let us out till we took meds. I took the meds and hallucinated spiders started to hear my father telling Bstchos Rose and Patrick story outside my head and it was awful but I knew the meds triggered it, the external hallucinations. Same this time. Was in a story but didn't know the trigger so I took the meds out of fear of it getting worse. It got worse on the meds, heard external stuff, but now they are lowered I'm ok. I realised though in 2014 I wasn't hallucinating till the meds.

But the stories, the going into imagination, are a loosing touch with reality because we end up believing it, living it, like a child. Which is fine as a child but not really as an adult.

We did see it as him playing tricks and very unhelpful till I realised last July it's a defense mechanism not a sabotage tool. Now I see it as it is I feel ok to say I find it nice when I'm out of reality. I enjoy it. I know I can't stay there because that's to not live life and I have to live life also but sometimes I do say to myself "I'm not feeling good. I'm being in the enchanted forest today" and I'm happier, still function and life just seems a bit easier because of that.

I still think the level I go to when triggered is a psychosis because I'm so far in it that my life becomes unimportant but in those moments I need it.

Yours doesn't sound that level but I'm not you so I don't know. Either way I think it's there to help not hinder.

Sarah.