Lots of difficulties to communicate with my system (trigger)

Core, in this context, means that she is the center of the system, everybody and everything is connected to her in a way. (some use "core" to mean "the original person", some use it to mean other things... in here, we use it to mean "the one at the center of everything")

Yes, she was "born" with this ability. It is what she was "made" to be. She is a dryad, and her tree contains the Innerworld. She is a bit like "the soul of the system". I am the host or if you prefer, the "front desk". I can access the autobiographic memories from the body (most of the time; traumatic memories have a flickery access, Theia tries to keep them "asleep" most of the time so that we do not suffer), the practical and encyclopedic informations (such as, I know it's David who learnt the yellow scorpions are the most dangerous in my country, but I can know it too since it's encyclopedic knowledge). For the personal memories of other alters, they are private to them.

If someone/s in your system causes a paralysis, my personal advice is to seek a therapist to discuss this and find a quick solution about it. Especially since you had the reckless behavior of insulting the system while driving causing a dangerous paralysis. This is serious! You need to work on the communication while in a safe place and time.

In here, anyone who is allowed to front, can control the body. Since we trust each-other because we know, through communication, that we can trust each-other, we rarely fight for control. The more often occasions when we fight for control are: when we decide what to eat, when we fight against "having fun" in order to work/clean the house.

I cannot tell you why the rules do not "stick". I cannot tell you who paralyzes you. This is something you need to figure out. Every system works differently. Maybe you need to explain why you decide the rules, for example.

Regarding the communication, since you can have "someone" paralyze you when they want, you could use some sort of Ouija board to communicate with them. They could paralyze the arm when you point the right letter, and allow them to spell words to you to answer questions. It is a suggestion of course, you might find something else that works for you.

Most importantly: stay safe! Think before you act!

--Zami--


Oh dear, you really, really need to be more cautious! You know someone communicates through paralyzing you. Why on Earth would you try this while driving? This is so dangerous! You could have killed yourself/ves!

Seriously, do not do that ever again. My... You really need to sit back, take a deep breath, and think!

Kids these days... *sigh*

oOo Mrs H. oOo

When an alter takes the control of your body you can't see or listen ?

Thx for your time.

I try to listen my inner voices. It seems than one alter don't like fishs. An another thinks I insult her every time I talk badly about things or persons. When I say to her it's not true, she doesn't believe me.
Some alter are blind or thing they are alone in the world ?

It looks like than alter speak each other. It appears to be conflictuel. Same thing when they talk to me : one alter says to me they will cut my penis into two parts. I don't know if it's humor or not...

It seems they are able to cause stomac pain (bloated). If I say "stop my stomac pain", I "burp". But, the pain comes back few minutes later... This pain is for punishing me ?

If I have a "core" like Theia, how can I reach her to talk with her ?

I will try to answer your questions and interrogations the best I can. Also, as a side-note: you are an alter just like the others. You are all different parts of the same system. Different alters in the same system. They are not "strangers living in your brain". They are "roommates sharing the same brain". Or, if you prefer, "headmates".

When an alter takes the control of your body you can't see or listen ?

When alters switch, and another one is in control of the body, different things can happen. I will note the alters X and O to mark two different alters.

When alters are not yet co-aware (co-conscients in french) they can feel distress in the first case.

First case: alters are not co-conscious (co-présents in french)

What happens in the body as time goes by:
XXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOXXOOXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXX

What X remembers:
XXXXXXXX----------XX--XXXX------------XXXXX

What O remembers:
--------OOOOOOOOOO--OO----OOOOOOOOOOOO-----

It means that when they shift, they experience a "blackout" meaning, they do not remember what the other did. But in every case, there always is someone looking out through the body's eyes, conscious of what is happening. They merely do not remember all of it, depending on who is in control at a given point in time. In a way, X and O cannot "see or listen" when the other is in control.

Second case: alters are co-conscious or can share memories

When alters are co-conscious, they can either co-pilot the body, or one pilots the body while another (or more than one other) sees and listens in the same time. When they share memories, they do not directly experience the events but, they can access the other alters' memories of the events.

What happens in the body as time goes by:
XXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOXXOOXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXX

What X remembers:
XXXXXXXXoo-ooo--ooXXooXXXXooo---oooo-oXXXXX

What O remembers:
xxxx--xxOOOOOOOOOOx-OOxxxxOOOOOOOOOOOOxx---

In this case, there is almost no "blackout", i.e. there is less amnesia of events. In this second case, the system is less stressed out because, the alters remember what is going on when they are not piloting the body.

In the first case (with the blackouts), a sudden switch can make the different alters, confused. In the second case, the confusion is lessened.

Some alter are blind or thing they are alone in the world ?

When an alter is not aware that they are an alter, they can think that they are alone. Also, not every alter is equal regarding how they can pilot the body or access the different senses. Some are more sensitive than others. For exemple, in here, Zami is the most sensitive regarding noise, light, and the amount of things there are to see. I am less sensitive, therefore, I have less difficulties going groceries shopping. Wolf, on the other hand, absolutely loves loud noises. This is because we do not deal with the signals from the body, in the same way.

We have headmates who are not aware of being parts within a system. They live deep in the Innerworld, and we try to keep them away from consciousness. Becoming conscious could make them scared. We do not want them to be scared.

I don't know if it's humor or not

Some alters are called "prosecutors". Their "role" within the system is to hurt the other headmates. This can be changed by talking to them, either directly, or through therapy. You can learn more about the different roles of the alters by reading the following pages: http://did-research.org/did/alters/functions.html | http://traumadissociation.com/alters | https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/diss ... der-alters

This pain is for punishing me ?

There is absolutely no way for me - or anybody from outside of your system - to answer this question.

If I have a "core" like Theia, how can I reach her to talk with her ?

The same way that you can reach and/or talk to your other headmates. You can find advice for example, here: https://themighty.com/2018/04/how-to-co ... -disorder/ | https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/tran ... ple-system | https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/diss ... ive-living | https://www.therapyinphiladelphia.com/t ... y-disorder

I hope I answered most of your questions.

-David-

Thx you very much for your help and yours detailed answers !

They live deep in the Innerworld, and we try to keep them away from consciousness.

How do you manage this ?

Do you think some schizophrenics have an alter who has take the ownership and acts stupidly ?

An alter who is co-conscious can be blind or can't fell pains in the body ?

Can there be lots of alters in co-consciousness at same time ?

Some alters can have the ability to be co-consciousness or not (when they want) ?

How about the logical and imagination, curiosity capacities of alter and their function in the system ?

More an alter is intelligent, more is consciousness or/and he has or gets some abilities to manage the system or the body ?

A "persecutor" can be very intelligent/vicious ?

Inside the system, who decides the roles (for example, which alter will have the capacity to be co-conscious or not, etc.) ? Only the core ? Or the core and some alters, but not all ?

Everybody who have this condition have a core ? How to find and speak to my core ?

Without realizing it, is it possible than lots of my ideas or acts comes from my alters ?

Lots of question. It's like a big puzzle...

I have tried to disable my ability to move my head... Inside my inner voice I have said : "I would like to disable my ability to move my head"... And That has worked ! If I have got a co-consciousness alter inside me, he can ask this kind of things, isn't it ?

But, which alter manages this ? The core ?

How do you manage this ? (keeping others away from consciousness)

By talking to them. Or, by managing their environment so that they can not access the Office (the place in the Innerworld that connects to consciousness).

Do you think some schizophrenics have an alter who has take the ownership and acts stupidly ?

Schizophrenia has nothing to do with dissociative identity. Here is a french video about schizophrenia. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWqhPcIpGqg As to dissociative identity, any alter can do any thing. They are independent persons. Just like you.

An alter who is co-conscious can be blind or can't fell pains in the body ?

My guess is that, yes, it is possible.

Can there be lots of alters in co-consciousness at same time ?

What do you call, "a lot"?

In my system, we sometimes are five or six in co-consciousness. But, we find it exhausting for our brain and body, therefore, we try not to be more than three. Usually, Zami is one of them, since they are our host.

Some alters can have the ability to be co-consciousness or not (when they want) ?

I can only talk for my own system.

In my system, we try to have as much co-consciousness as possible. From an Innerworld point of view, it means that we are a few in the Office place of the Innerworld. One controls the body while the others look around, or talk together. It makes switching control easier for us. We also can help each-other better this way.

We choose to come to the Office in order to be co-conscious.

How about the logical and imagination, curiosity capacities of alter and their function in the system ?

I can talk only for my own system.

In here, we are independent, separate people. Each of us has different centers of interest, different abilities. Some are more artistic, some are more scientific/logical/rational, some are more curious. We all have our favourite things to do, and our easiest things to do.

Even if we all started as "functions" (protector, trauma carrier, and so on) we do our best to evolve as people. Our "first job" is not what defines us. We can grow. Heal our trauma. Teach others how to protect themselves. And so on. We find cooperation and helping each-other, very important. We also do not want to be merely "functions in a system". We are persons. We can learn new things. Change. Evolve. Share our functions. Change our function. In our system, we see functions as being jobs. One can change job if they want. Therefore, we can change our functions if we want.

More an alter is intelligent, more is consciousness or/and he has or gets some abilities to manage the system or the body ?

Every person in a system is different, just like people in the physical world. In here for example, Zami is our host. They are the "front desk" of the system. It means that, they are in consciousness most of the time, especially to interact with other people outside. While Theia is the one who has the most abilities to manage the inside parts of the system.

van H. deals best with administration papers. Wolf is the best at make-up, therefore, he taught us how to do the make-up. Wrath is best at managing the money: he keeps an eye on what we do with the money and gives us advices about money management. Isaïa is the best cook. Lust is the best tea-maker, I am second best and Zami is the worse. Mrs. H. loves doing the laundry, I (David) prefer to clean the floors.

But, there is no link between "intelligence" and "ability to reach consciousness". "Little" alters (children) can reach consciousness just as easily than adult alters. Theia is, what you would call "very smart" since she can manage the whole Innerworld - yet she comes into consciousness only to write in here or chat with friends. She has absolutely no idea how to take care of a human body, since she is a tree (dryad) and has a lot more symptoms of AD(H)D than others in the system.

A "persecutor" can be very intelligent/vicious ?

Anyone can be very intelligent or vicious.

Inside the system, who decides the roles (for example, which alter will have the capacity to be co-conscious or not, etc.) ? Only the core ? Or the core and some alters, but not all ?

Our roles / functions are a mix of what we decide to do, and what we are best at doing.

The functions can also be linked to the circumstances of how we came to be. An alter who "appeared" in order to deal with a traumatic event, has the first function of carrying the trauma. Once they heal from the trauma, they can do something else. Or, simply, exist and be happy. To exist and be happy is an important function, too.

Everybody who have this condition have a core ? How to find and speak to my core ?

Not every system has a "core". And what we call "core" depends on the system. Some call "core" the first identity of the system. We call "core" the one who manages the inside of the system, because she is geographycally in the center (core) of our Innerworld (since she is the Tree's soul, or dryad). There are many other ways of defining a core. Some systems do not have a "core". It all depends on the system.

Do not hesitate to read around the websites we linked in previous messages, in order to gather more encyclopedic information.

Without realizing it, is it possible than lots of my ideas or acts comes from my alters ?

Remember, you are an alter yourself.

When you are not aware of being a system, yes, a lot of what you do are done by "other yous". It is like being a member of a team. We are all parts of the same team. What the team does, is done by each member of the team.

This leads to a concept called, "shared responsibility". If an alter does something, the whole system is responsible for what is done. It means that if an alter does something bad, every alter is responsible for the bad thing. This is why, working together, talking together, having a set of rules, is important for a system.

Some people can spend most of their lives, without realizing that they are a system. They think they are forgetful, and they use a lot of tools to work around the forgetfulness: detailed agenda, Bullet Journal, lots of lists and timetables... and they live a wonderful, meaningful, functional life. They might realize that their feelings for other people, change often. That their sense of gender, identity, sexual/romantic/etc. orientation changes sometimes, or that they have very rich and varied tastes in music, art, clothes etc.

It is the case here. Before we became aware of being a system, we defined ourselves as "gender-fluid" and "orientation-fluid" or with "grey-pan-" orientations. Our sense of age was rarely coherent with the age of the body. We are aware now, that the fluidity comes from being more than one alter. Each alter has their own gender and orientations, and their own identity. It is the whole identity that changes through time, but each identity remains stable through time.

I have tried to disable my ability to move my head... Inside my inner voice I have said : "I would like to disable my ability to move my head"... And That has worked ! If I have got a co-consciousness alter inside me, he can ask this kind of things, isn't it ?

But, which alter manages this ? The core ?

There is no way for me/us to answer this question. This can be any other alter of your system. This can be your own doing, through self-suggestion.

Instead of trying childish ways of assessing the existence of the other alters of your system, it would be more interesting to learn who they are instead. As well as find a way to work with them for a better, everyday life.

Being a system is something very serious. It can be fun sometimes, but the root of being a system is, to deal with a very complicated and hurtful life. Please, be respectful of your headmates.



-David- and oOo van H. oOo

Thx for your help !

By talking to them.

Somes alters say "I would like to be in front" ?

When another than me (host) is in consciousness, the me-consciousness feels their feelings.

If you are aware, when yours alters co-consciousness are happy, you can feel happiness and when they are sad or stressed, you can feel pain ?
When one of you alter is consciousness, he/she can move your muscle immediatly when he wants ?
And if he/she only want to be "spectator", can he/she move or paralyze your body unintentionally ?

Some alters have the capacity to "disconnect" of the if they want ?

Or, by managing their environment so that they can not access the Office (the place in the Innerworld that connects to consciousness).

When one of yours alters is in the "office", he can see, listen or move the body ? So, office = consciousness ?
When your core manages their environment, how does it happen ?

If one of yours alters wants absolutely control the body, be aware, he/she can reach this despite the fact your core doesn't want ?

But, we find it exhausting for our brain and body

Muscular pain ?

There is no way for me/us to answer this question. This can be any other alter of your system. This can be your own doing, through self-suggestion.

So maybe, an alter inside my system could have the power to control the "muscle" rules. Perhaps, he could decide who can control or not some muscles.

It seems less or more "configurable". Paralysis comes when I want to move in a direction but one of my alter (Yes, i know : i am an alter too) don't want (and vice versa). If I say "stop paralysis when we are not OK with the muscle movement", paralysis disappears one little moment. The last one who commands the muscle "wins". His movement will be executed.

My muscular rules belong not very long time.

Instead of trying childish ways of assessing the existence of the other alters of your system, it would be more interesting to learn who they are instead.

I can do both, isn't it ? If I'm not able to find alter or recognize them, it will hard to learn who they are.
For the moment, I know almost nothing about my system. And it seems I am "fooled" by one or some alters.

When I say "you can control my body", they/he/she try to extend my action (eat, brush teeth, drive my scooter). But when I do nothing special, they/he/she move only my head...

When I imagine there are "bad" people near us, they/he/she move the head (with a scared face) in the direction where I imagine there are those people .

Somes alters say "I would like to be in front" ?

It might be the case in some systems. In here, we just happen to switch at random, or ask the fronting one if they agree to switch.

If you are aware, when yours alters co-consciousness are happy, you can feel happiness and when they are sad or stressed, you can feel pain ?

Feelings can be shared directly, yes. But also, when there is no blackout between switches, the shared memory is, "I was this person and I felt this feeling". This is how it works in here. It might be different in other systems.

When one of you alter is consciousness, he/she can move your muscle immediatly when he wants ?

It depends. Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, we need to fight against Zami's natural tendency to be "stuck" (stuck doing something, stuck doing nothing...). My guess is that it is a brain thing: we are diagnosed autistic, and this neurotype makes switching activity more difficult.

And if he/she only want to be "spectator", can he/she move or paralyze your body unintentionally ?

This is not something we have noticed in our system. I would not be surprised to hear it happens in other systems.

Some alters have the capacity to "disconnect" of the if they want ?

I guess you meant, "disconnect from the consciousness".

We are not conscious or close to consciousness, all the time. Most of our time, for most of us, is spent away from the consciousness, inside the Innerworld. But, there is always at least one of us, fronting (= in consciousness).

When one of yours alters is in the "office", he can see, listen or move the body ? So, office = consciousness ?

Exactly. Sorry if this part was a bit unclear.

The Office is the place in our Innerworld, that is connected to the consciousness / fronting. This works differently for every system, though. Every system has its own Innerworld - and some have no Innerworld.

When your core manages their environment, how does it happen ?

I have seen it happen, once.

Theia is the dryad of the World-Tree, and the World-Tree is our Innerworld. Therefore, when she wants to modify the Innerworld, she connects to the Tree. This way, she can make the Tree change shape.

For other systems, modifications in the Innerworld can be done in may ways. For some, it requires time and building materials, just like in the physical world. For some, it is done instantly, by sheer will. Some use a special kind of Innerworld magic. Every Innerworld is different.

If one of yours alters wants absolutely control the body, be aware, he/she can reach this despite the fact your core doesn't want ?

Generally speaking, fights in order to access consciousness can happen in some systems.

In our system, we try to solve this issue through talking and sharing consciousness and taking turns.

Regarding Theia keeping some alters away from consciousness (once again, this is how it works for us, it is different for everybody): this is done to avoid them getting lost and scared. Only the alters who are not aware of being alters, are kept away from consciousness. Therefore, they cannot want to come into consciousness and front, since they are not aware they can do it. We merely want to avoid this happening by mistake. We do not need the extra amount of stress.

Muscular pain ?

We do not experience muscular pain from exhaustion, only a draining out of "spoons". Again, this is how it works for us. Others might experience muscular pain.

About the "spoons" : EN https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory | FR https://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th%C3%A9o ... l%C3%A8res

Regarding pain, we have noticed that for us, when a new one comes into consciousness for the first times, we have a horrible headaches that calms down only after the new alters has talked to someone outside the body, and written in our journal. Once again, this is specific to us. Other systems work differently.

So maybe, an alter inside my system could have the power to control the "muscle" rules. Perhaps, he could decide who can control or not some muscles.

Having trouble doing something happens in here too. Even if we do our best to talk about what to do, and to take turns controlling the body, sometimes we try to do different things at the same time, or say different things at the same time. We have a joke about calling it "brain bugs" (as in, computer bugs) or "brain fog" when people see us "stuck" because of it. It is easier to explain that we are autistic and can experience "brain fog", rather than explain the whole DID thing.

When we talked about "system rules" we did not meant "giving orders to your headmates". We meant something akin to the rules of a forum. Such as: do not hurt another headmate, follow the agenda/timetable, respect a healthy diet, take a shower at 8PM, use the black notebook on the desk to write messages to the other headmates or talk about your feelings, etc.

When I say "you can control my body", they/he/she try to extend my action (eat, brush teeth, drive my scooter). But when I do nothing special, they/he/she move only my head...

When I imagine there are "bad" people near us, they/he/she move the head (with a scared face) in the direction where I imagine there are those people .

This is what we meant about "being childish".

Here are some tools that might be more useful for you: https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/diss ... manage-did | https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/diss ... rts-in-did | https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/diss ... -my-alters | https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/diss ... our-alters | https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/diss ... re-unknown | https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/diss ... ers-in-did | https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/diss ... y-disorder | https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/diss ... munication | https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/diss ... y-disorder

I hope I answered your questions,

oOo van H. oOo

Instead of trying childish ways of assessing the existence of the other alters of your system, it would be more interesting to learn who they are instead.

So, I haven't understand. What do you mean ?

A child persecutor, is it possible ?

Most of our time, for most of us, is spent away from the consciousness, inside the Innerworld.

How is it inside the inner world ? There are images and sounds, like the outside word ? It's pleasant ?
Or is it like the imagination ? Something not very "concrete" (vaporeux, indéterminé, flou).

When we talked about "system rules" we did not meant "giving orders to your headmates". We meant something akin to the rules of a forum. Such as: do not hurt another headmate, follow the agenda/timetable, respect a healthy diet, take a shower at 8PM, use the black notebook on the desk to write messages to the other headmates or talk about your feelings, etc.

And all alters follow yours rulls ?
Some alters are not OK with yours rulls ?

Je vais écrire un peu en français, car je suis épuisé d'écrire en anglais et que j'ai l'impression que cette conversation n’intéresse pas grand monde. Tu peux me répondre en anglais si tu le souhaites.

Without even realizing it, I engaged in a power struggle for years with an alter who effectively blocked all internal communication.

On dirait qu'une de mes personnalités parle à la place des autres en se faisant passer pour elles. On dirait aussi qu'elle change tout le temps de nom et qu'elle s'amuse à dire des choses contradictoires/factuellement fausses ou à me troller. Je me demande si ce n'est pas elle qui m'a fait croire que j'avais une mission à remplir pour les "hommes du futur".

J'entends souvent le même rire interne sadique, surtout quand j'ai l'impression qu'avec mes manipulations j'ai pu enfin me débarrasser de mes paralysies musculaires (le problème de ces paralysies, c'est que lorsque cela paralyse cela me fait mal physiquement et psychologiquement).

Quand je demande à cette personnalité pourquoi elle fait ça, elle me répond souvent "car je suis méchant" ou "car je ne t'aime pas". Je me demande aussi si ce n'est pas elle qui m'insulte continuellement (dans ma tête) et qui ruine ma vie sociale en me faisant avoir des expressions faciales et corporelles dégueulasses (un mélange d'agressivité/méchanceté et de soumission : dos courbé, tête en avant).

J'ai l'impression qu'avant d'arriver à trouver les "bonnes" postures, elle a probablement fait de nombreux tests car avant que ça soit continuel c'était par période. Je me demande aussi, si cet alter sadique n'est pas un alter féminin qui est amoureuse de moi. Au début de ma relation avec ma copine, j'ai eu des images internes ignobles où ma copine était représentée en monstre (cette image me hante toujours) ou sinon, moi en train de poignarder ou fracasser la tête de ma copine avec une casserole.

A chaque fois, ma condition (torture physique et sociale) s'est dégradée quand j'ai eu des flirts ou des histoires d'amour. Au début, lorsque j'ai essayé de communiquer avec mes voix, il me semblait entendre des propos du style "car je t'aime..." ou "je suis amoureuse de toi". Maintenant, plus rien à ce propos. D'ailleurs, on dirait que de sexe féminin, elle est passée à homme.

Quand je fais attention aux voix dans ma tête, j'entends parfois "je vais te rebloquer toi". Et puis, à nouveau, mon corps se bloque.

J'ai aussi l'impression d'entendre d'autres voix qui attaquent ce personnage en disant qu'il est chiant, qu'il arrête, que ça va toujours continuer, etc. Une de ces voix m'a aussi dit qu'elles n'étaient pas arrivés à améliorer la situation et que pourtant, elles avaient essayé.

PS : en ayant écrit ce message, j'ai entendu "connard, je suis démasqué". Mais je ne sais pas si c'est mon imagination ou encore du troll. En écrivant "troll", j'ai entendu un rire interne.

Quelque temps après, je viens d'entendre : "Tu veux te débarrasser de moi ? On va se débarrasser de toi".