Can past alters re-invent themselves?

Having different fonctions / things to cope with for different members of a system, is pretty common actually from what I know. The interaction between autism and multiplicity, from what I know, is linked mostly to the stress sensitivity leading to more dissociation when one has an autistic brain. That is, from my understanding of the situation.

Also from what I know, going from being a system to being one unified person, can only be done through the fusion of the alters. Good luck in reaching this situation if it is your goal. Though it is not ours as of now. To each their own I guess, just like for a lot of other things in life

--Zami--

ArbreMonde wrote:Having different fonctions / things to cope with for different members of a system, is pretty common actually from what I know. The interaction between autism and multiplicity, from what I know, is linked mostly to the stress sensitivity leading to more dissociation when one has an autistic brain. That is, from my understanding of the situation.

Also from what I know, going from being a system to being one unified person, can only be done through the fusion of the alters. Good luck in reaching this situation if it is your goal. Though it is not ours as of now. To each their own I guess, just like for a lot of other things in life

--Zami--

It's not my particular goal I've enjoyed been able to experience time on the outside in control of the body again but with no social pressures such as school and work as (what I believe to be) myself.

We did however live as a 'unified system' for most of our lives not knowing about each other. I wonder if it is the system's goal to get that back? I (Kit) do not have control over the entire system. I can be laying here happily, the doorbell rings and suddenly it's not me at the door answering. I can't control that.

Since lockdown though and being up so early to get the dog out so can get round without seeing another person I've been able to stay 'up front' for the entire trip and really started to enjoy nature and relax outside again. Maybe if lockdown lasts for long enough I will find the confidence to 'stay out' in the real world by the time this is all over. Another alter wanting to come up front maybe a threat to that?

In that case, maybe working on staying co-conscious could be a possibility for you all to be "unified" again (to use your words). It is something we ourselves do a lot. -David-

That, and rapid switching. But rapid switching is exhausting. One star, do not recommend. #Uriel#

I was wondering if the 'original self' was trying to come forward more as even when I (as Kit) am out I'm finding myself doing and remembering odd things.

For example I recently found myself searching on ebay to see if there was anyone selling a pin badge with RSPB logo on. The newest one's wouldn't do. I found myself thinking out loud 'what are you looking for?' as I (as Kit) had no actual memory of the badge I was looking for!

I got a sudden memory that when the body was at junior school age (7-11yo back in our day) we were in a Saturday morning nature club that the school had and used to go down to a local nature park bird watching. I'm guessing some part of us remembers we had a specific design of badge with the RSPB (Royal Society for Protection of Birds) logo on.

I couldn't find one but found myself buying an old 'I Spy Birds' booklet for kids.It has pics of birds and you tick them off when you've spotted them. Again even though this was listed as 'used' and showed pics had been marked inside, the newer version would not do to whoever inside was demanding it!

We've lived here years and suddenly in this last year I've started buying bird seed and feeders and not only noticing garden birds but can name them! Yet have no memory of ever studying birds myself. We have a little sketchbook journal that I occasionally get a sudden urge to sketch a garden bird in, but it seems not to be something I get an urge to do everyday so whoever is sending that 'request' (to draw and specifically birds) is not around full time. (animal wise 'I' - Kit, have always been more drawn to programs about Dogs, Big Cats, Arctic animals - Polar Bears, Arctic foxes, wolves, penguins etc)

I bought a collection of landscape colouring books only 8 pics per book but each book has a different theme for example 'mountains', or 'waterways'.

They're only regular A4 colouring books with thinnish paper printed on both sides (so not suitable for watercolour) but I'm getting images sent to me of specific pics from these books on watercolour paper with birds added or deer. Found myself looking up videos on how to draw figures in the distance with dogs (specifically ones that look like our last dog and current dog). I've never had any interest in drawing people or putting human figures in my drawings but the figures are meant to represent this body when it was young and able and the dogs to represent the dogs we have owned.

I'm finding it difficult to get started though suggesting the 'persona' (as not sure whether its the system, original or a new alter right now) sending the images of these desires is not currently in the background on a daily basis.

I'm kind of curious and feel 'someone new' (to me, though not necessarily 'new' to this body) is trying to communicate with me, but also scared they'll want to eventually come out fully and take over and I won't get chance to exist in the real world anymore.

KitMcDaydream wrote:I'm kind of curious and feel 'someone new' (to me, though not necessarily 'new' to this body) is trying to communicate with me, but also scared they'll want to eventually come out fully and take over and I won't get chance to exist in the real world anymore.

It is a legitimate fear. It's one of the reasons Zami (our host) had so much trouble letting us come to the surface at first. But in the end, we end up sharing the "outside" time. The fun part as well as the chores.

Communication is the key. As in, explaining to the others that yes, they can have time in the outside world, but they need to respect such and such rules, let you come back after a given time, etc.

I'm not sure what you mean when you say "original self" though. Do you mean the first host? The unified mind before the multiplicity started (if there ever was an unified mind to begin with)? Something else?

Don't forget to breathe! You sound awfully tense. Take care!

#Uriel#

When No-one (the alter) came back into the body...I'm disociating. I think because they explained it to me so I could respond but they don't trust me to type it correctly.

Anyway sorry if this gets jumbly.

When No-one came back into the body she was as she was 20 years ago when they decided she's too much of a liability because we had our son. She was very wreakless. Her go to response still when things get tough is "I need a gun" However she has adapted to our current very "boring" life. She has been to work apparently and she did take on "we have children" Even when the twins started to say nonsense to her her response is "shut up, I have kids to look after, I don't care about all that" She's the only one who seems able to shut them down quickly. Which is necessary because they cause psychosis.

She came back with memories that had been blocked. She came back as was but with alot more internal knowledge than anyone else had ever shared but she has adapted to current life.

She's saying "kinda like being thrown into a lake and you gotta swim across it but you don't know the lake, where the weeds are, what's living in the lake or what's on the other side but you gotta swim"

For me I was watching but absent for 3 years. So most stuff is easy but anything to do with the ex is navigatory territory. I ask questions when they come up and my questions are answered.

So I think it's possible for an alter to come back different to how they were however many years ago but it's also possible they are simply having to adapt a bit like the overlord when he uses personas for different situations but more permanent and more organic.

Much Luck

Sarah

ArbreMonde wrote:
It is a legitimate fear. It's one of the reasons Zami (our host) had so much trouble letting us come to the surface at first. But in the end, we end up sharing the "outside" time. The fun part as well as the chores.

Communication is the key. As in, explaining to the others that yes, they can have time in the outside world, but they need to respect such and such rules, let you come back after a given time, etc.

I'm not sure what you mean when you say "original self" though. Do you mean the first host? The unified mind before the multiplicity started (if there ever was an unified mind to begin with)? Something else?

Don't forget to breathe! You sound awfully tense. Take care!

#Uriel#

Yes, sorry I find communication extremely anxiety producing sometimes, though usually more in real life face-to-face cos people can't seem to wait for me to get an whole sentence out and often interrupt or finish it so I'm always starting a sentence thinking I haven't got long to get this across before they interrupt or get bored!

To us (ie the adult alters within this system) the 'original self' is what we refer to as the child born into the body BEFORE any alters started to be used to cope with the world. They carry the same name as on the original birth certificate (the name has been legally changed in the bodies lifetime).

We wonder what happened to that child, Is (who we refer to as) 'Daisy' that original self? Is that why she's the only one that can 'age-slide'? - because she's the only one that's always been silently in the background regardless of the age of the body? Is that why she appears 'wise beyond her years' despite always appearing as a very shy timid child?

If I could block Maddie from sensing my presence whose to say Daisy can't do that too? - to any of us.

I know some people with DID don't believe there is an 'original', its common to believe a theory of the personality never developing as an whole in the first place.

We believe we more closely represent OSDD in how our system works and that it works in a unique way because of the autistic brain and how information has been processed or failed to be processed correctly. ..and we believe (in our case) there WAS a point when 'the child that was' (the original) felt so overwhelmed trying to cope with processing school/the world outside of their home and family etc that the ability to create/use alters first started to emerge.

We know from descriptions from family that alters were not present when we first experienced nursery and when very young because of the way they described our behaviour. (typical classical autistic child who either screamed at everything they didn't understand or was so 'shut down' they didn't respond at all).

At some point in early school years that changed and different persona's started to be experimented with based on the more popular kids. The original child would have had to have reached a certain level of awareness before they felt the need to use this strategy to cope. (ie an awareness that they were different and not fitting in or that when they pretended to be 'someone else' they could learn better).

Where is that child who made that decision the very first time? Before the alters evolved and took over 'coping with outside world' on a daily basis? That is who we mean by 'the original self' for our system.

Sarandipity wrote:When No-one (the alter) came back into the body...I'm disociating. I think because they explained it to me so I could respond but they don't trust me to type it correctly.

Anyway sorry if this gets jumbly.

When No-one came back into the body she was as she was 20 years ago when they decided she's too much of a liability because we had our son. She was very wreakless. Her go to response still when things get tough is "I need a gun" However she has adapted to our current very "boring" life. She has been to work apparently and she did take on "we have children" Even when the twins started to say nonsense to her her response is "shut up, I have kids to look after, I don't care about all that" She's the only one who seems able to shut them down quickly. Which is necessary because they cause psychosis.

She came back with memories that had been blocked. She came back as was but with alot more internal knowledge than anyone else had ever shared but she has adapted to current life.

She's saying "kinda like being thrown into a lake and you gotta swim across it but you don't know the lake, where the weeds are, what's living in the lake or what's on the other side but you gotta swim"

For me I was watching but absent for 3 years. So most stuff is easy but anything to do with the ex is navigatory territory. I ask questions when they come up and my questions are answered.

So I think it's possible for an alter to come back different to how they were however many years ago but it's also possible they are simply having to adapt a bit like the overlord when he uses personas for different situations but more permanent and more organic.

Much Luck

Sarah

I think I get what you mean... the 'new presence' could still be Thea or even Maddie who have adapted to bodies new level of ability and kind of re-invented themselves? Though neither of them originally had any interest in art or birds. The body never sketched, painted or went bird watching ever in the years they were originally 'up front'

The alters around in childhood did though! I've also been sent a memory of rescuing a bird with a injured wing and digging up worms for it and it living in our garden shed until it recovered enough to fly again. I (Kit) didn't yet exist as an alter at that point in time. Neither did Thea or Maddie.
Only Daisy and Bobby (the child alters) are from that far back in time (between birth and 10yrs old)

Kit

Your drescription of "Daisy" reminds me of "Tiny" from the system Team PSI.

PSI's are our best friends (describing the whole lot of our friendship connexions would be too complicated.) Anyway, recently, Tiny came... I will say, came back. She was PSI's host during the first years of the body, before PSI became a system. So in a way, she is PSI's "original".

Others appeared later, such as the current host. And Tiny remained dormant until recently. She takes a lot of space for such a little girl. But she is adorable and we all take a good care of her, may we be from PSI or the WorldTree.

I am sure you will, with time, learn who this new presence is, and if they are making a "comeback", learn who they are now - the same but anew.

Take a good care of each-others.

-David-

Hi Kit,

Yes, that's what I mean. So it could be a past alter. Have you got any communication with them?