Really Struggling.

I'm having a rough go of things. Sorry for not being present on the site. I don't want to go into detail, but I've been stressing really bad and dissociating. There is potential relief coming soon, but it's in the future.

I'm feeling extremely guilty. I've regressed into denial. I just didn't want to think about it. Any of it. Once we get in our own place I am thinking about bringing my belief of DID up to my new therapist. Which scares me a little because I am still struggling with even believing I have it. I got a big hug from my alter Asheron and I feel like crying all the damn time but cant and this sucks so much. I'm just so tired of feeling helpless.

You are are far from helpless.

Helpless is a belief abusers instill in their victims so they can carry on abusing them.

It's their belief rather than yours. But they are actually terrified because they know you are far from helpless.

There is help for you but none for them.

Awnnn darling its okay I was struggling with denial too. I have a hard time dealing with the stress of my alters brother who bullies the hell out of me. But I can only say it won't get any better unless you are open to your therapist about it. I was talking with our therapist the other day about what happened with me and how I came to have my splits. And to be honest when I looked at what happened it made me realize just how bad I let it get. But having a Therapist is a very big step in the right direction. Just make sure you have one that specializes in that category and is extremely open minded. Ours seems to be very nice and open minded. She even talked about helping us get a psychologist evaluation to update our possible diagnosis's. If you ever need someone to talk to let me know Raven is very open to chatting with others and she loves helping people. I am also available for talking to. I love listening to others. Anyway I hope you feel better and I hope things get better soon. Drop a DM my way if you want to talk about it. I promise you wont regret it ~Maria + The Whole Gang

Ty guys so much. I'm just under so much stress. And the anniversary of the death of my dog Luna is coming up in a few days. I didn't think it would hit me as hard as it is. Luna kept me from killing myself when I was younger and I owe her so much. It hurts so much for her to be gone. She was in my life for 19yrs.

I'm just trying to breath deep and keep moving, but I think everyone in the system is struggling with this. At least I was finally able to cry.

It is really hard losing a pet you love and that has done so much for you. I had the same and it is always going to be hard. My dog was the only one who really understood me and pulled me through a lot, so I think I can safely say I know how much Luna means to you.
Keep thinking of the happy memories, even if they hurt. If you can do that, eventually they will hurt less and you can think of them and feel happier. Luna can still help you, she'll never be truly gone.

I'm feeling a little better. I think I'm just tired of feeling alone, and pretending to be ok. I'm getting my own place soon. I'm hoping that I'll be to breath and relax more.