Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Thank you David! Your kind words are greatly appreciated!

I apparently keep blanking out. I feel incredibly strange. Unstable switching or something. I feel crazy. Not doing good. Feel very weak and tired. Don't feel like I can stay awake for some reason. I think I'm the only one who feels this way. Not sure what to think of this. I feel as if I don't even know who I am right now. Inner world is incredibly blurry...but yet....some stuff I can see crystal clear. Not sure why that is.

I hate this feeling....whatever it is. I don't even know how to describe this horrible feeling. Very uncomfortable. It'll sound probably crazy....but I feel like..... what I feel.....jello would feel like (if it were alive). My body is so numb and has a weird sensation.....almost like I'm in water....or something. Kinda jello-like. I don't even know why I'm writing. I feel like I'm sounding beyond crazy. What is wrong with me lately? Am I even "Amy"? UGH......

also want to log......I'm hollering out random stuff. A lot doesn't even make sense.....like not even close to an actual sentence. I feeeel soooooo weird. Not even sure why I wanted to type it like that.

I tried grounding....like T said.....but not helping.....at all this time.

We wanted to say that we've read your posts and we hear you all. We're wishing you the very best in grounding and finding some peace and calmness for yourselves. It sounds like a challenging time and we're sending out positive vibes to you all!

Pastella

Thank you so much Pastella! We appreciate it!

-- Wed May 27, 2020 3:35 pm --

I'm feeling weak/tired/in a fog.....but thankfully not as bad as it was yesterday. Still having unsolved issues though. We are making a little progress though.

(gif of a guy waving a "moral support" banner)

--Zami--

Thank you Zami!

How I feel today:

Very sad. Not sure why. I do know Rose was out earlier......she was happy about getting a flower......BUT deep down I know she's still really sad. Not sure if it's her sadness or one of the others. A LOT of us are sad.

I feel really bad.


Trigger warning
"Rant" about Therapy

I looked at our T's website a few minutes ago. That just got me (and possibly others) extremely agitated...... one thing it said about video chat. Totally NOT true for us. Very upset now. Plus at the same time someone is saying "who needs them anyway?" Probably because a lot of us feel our T doesn't care at all about us. We feel we don't need to talk to them.....because as bad as we are.....since our T first canceled (back in March)......we feel it's no good. We feel it won't make any difference now. Our T never bothered to check on us. They have our contact info. They could have a least sent some kind of quick message......even just "hi". That would've made us at least feel a little better.

I'm sorry things are so hard.

T's don't tend to reach out unless they are specifically asked by a client to contact them. There are many people who might find it intrusive if their T initiated contact when they weren't first contacted by the client. I know we would.

If you want to speak with your T, you need to let them know that. They can't read your mind. With my T, I've had to learn how to state what my needs are, and then he's happy to try to meet them as much as he can in safe and healthy ways.

We find video sessions to be more difficult than face-to-face for a number of reasons, but it would have been much worse for us to suspend therapy during this time.

I don't know anything about how good your T is or your relationship with them, but if some of you feel like it might be helpful to see them, it's important to listen to their feelings as well as everyone else's.

Thank you TheGangsAllHere! We greatly appreciate your reply!

TheGangsAllHere wrote:I don't know anything about how good your T is or your relationship with them, but if some of you feel like it might be helpful to see them, it's important to listen to their feelings as well as everyone else's.

March (before our T canceled) would've been our 4th appointment. Being that we only recently began going to this new T, after problems with our old one, we aren't very close. We may even have to find yet another one because of some things our T said at the 3rd appointment. Those things didn't agree with some of us. They were too scared to tell our T. Still however, we were looking forward to see what our T was going to say at our 4th.

Now (With everything that happened since March), I think only one of us feels like it will be helpful, but even they feel somewhat leery. The problem is, we reached out to our T (Back in March, and again sometime this month, possibly the 18th although that's just a guess) We told our T that we are beyond horrified to use video chat (I think it has to do with connections to something in our past). We feel as if our T didn't care. Our T kept acting like it was a good way to work on those fears. Maybe we are wrong, but we DO NOT want that. It causes us more anguish than it's worth. We just wish the office would open. But then again, only one of us has any hope of it (therapy) helping us now, and it's very minimal.