Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

Ponyta and All,

We've read your posts and whats been going on for you, it sounds really tough, but go you All too, awesome for making moves!

We're so sorry that you feel upset and angry, it makes total sense.

Sending peace, positivity and reassuring vibes your way, to you All...


Gothika
(and All of the Tribe)

I'm sorry to hear things have been so rough, sending positivity to you too.

Thank you all for your kind words. We appreciate them.

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Things aren't going well for us at all. I don't know what is wrong. It is connected to our last T, I know that for sure. Things were getting worse with them, and then we quit. We still are looking for a new one. We're on a wait list with one.

Well, now, EVERYTHING is worse. I know it was triggered due to our last T (it was already beginning then, before we quit seeing them).

Well now, it's quiet. The inner world is so blurry, sometimes all I can see is blackness. When I can manage to get a blurry picture, only (if I'm lucky) will I see at least 1 of them. Everyone is isolated, well, I'll say 99% of us.

I feel beyond horrible. Like our brain turned to mush. Can't concentrate too good. Losing time horribly again. It's almost like all of our progress that we made has turned to dust. It's almost as if I never even met them. I mean, back to how bad it was on day one of discovering that I have DID.

I tried talking to a bunch of them. I know they hear me (just a feeling I have), but they aren't replying. Only about 3 of them will reply to me. I feel awful. I feel like I did something wrong. Why are they avoiding me?

I understand that they all are depressed. Maybe they don't want to worry me, but by not talking to me (especially not being able to at least see them), is making me worry worse than ever. Plus things were getting better before our last T messed everything up.

The merges are splitting apart. I know, because I saw a bunch of the guys (about 3 weeks ago) who originally merged with someone else. Everything (all progress) seems to be falling apart.

I don't know what is wrong.

Well, one of the guys admit that it had to do with our last T. He apologized to me. He said that everyone needs some time alone. He told me that they haven't even been talking to him.

So things are really bad. We're all sad. It's even worse being isolated from all of them (well, except for a few exceptions).

Any ideas to help with this situation? I respect that they need time alone. I just want to figure out how to let them know that I still care about them. Maybe they can hear me (like I feel they can), or maybe they can't. I don't know. I do know though, that it takes a long time to even get one of them (who's still close to me) to answer.

No one wants to reply to my writings either. I feel it's all my fault.

It is not your fault. I am sure of it. Like you said, things started going downhill with the last T therefore it is somewhat their fault.

Your headmates might not reply because they cannot access to the front or because something keeps them from being able to talk back to you. The merges might be coming appart, not because things "become worse" but because it is more or less temporarily needed to be appart for a while again. After all, we are many because it is easier to deal with everyday life this way. If you are all going through a difficult time, you might need to be un-merged again, to deal with the difficult time.

Since you know what causes the issue (the T messing with you) it is a very useful information in order to start to make things better again. You know what went wrong. It means that you can think about how to make things right.

I am sure that you will find a solution out of this mess.

oOo van H. oOo

ArbreMonde wrote:It is not your fault. I am sure of it. Like you said, things started going downhill with the last T therefore it is somewhat their fault.

Your headmates might not reply because they cannot access to the front or because something keeps them from being able to talk back to you. The merges might be coming appart, not because things "become worse" but because it is more or less temporarily needed to be appart for a while again. After all, we are many because it is easier to deal with everyday life this way. If you are all going through a difficult time, you might need to be un-merged again, to deal with the difficult time.

Since you know what causes the issue (the T messing with you) it is a very useful information in order to start to make things better again. You know what went wrong. It means that you can think about how to make things right.

I am sure that you will find a solution out of this mess.

oOo van H. oOo

Thank you!


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How we are doing:

Overall not good. A lot of isolation. I don't understand this, we were beginning to come back together (as in talking to each other about a week or two ago). Now we're back to a lot of us not even talking to each other. It's like a lot of them are ignoring me. By ignoring me, a bunch of them hear me, I know they do (because I can feel them smirking at me). They just refuse to say anything to me, and some will even laugh at me. I don't know what happened, but I feel it still has something to do with the bad therapist we had.

A lot of new ones came around since last time we wrote. I lost count of how many exactly. I haven't been feeling too good. Tons of headaches. In fact, in October, we had a headache for 3 weeks. Mostly everyday straight, but there was a few days where it let up for a few hours (but came back). That was beyond awful. Thankfully the headaches eased now, but we're still getting them.

We also finally found a new T. We wanted one who specialized in DID, but we were having such a hard time getting an appointment (Still way backlogged). So we went with a different one (this T is nice and caring). We still don't know how it'll be though. Only had three appointments so far. This T seems actually concerned about us, and wants to help. Even though they're not specialized in DID, they said they were willing to learn. They're also willing to speak to all of us, so that's cool. As long as this T stays nice (doesn't change like a lot of them in the past, as in get mean with us), we (well I guess I should say I) feel this T will be a good one for once. A few of us feel the same as me. The rest of us are still VERY leery. I'm a little leery too though (due to past experience with bad ones). On a positive note, this T gave us more advice (that actually was helpful to us) than all of the others.

Oh, and I feel I must log this. Someone is terrified of Teddy Bears. I have no clue who. We have a bunch (of insiders) who love teddy bears. Due to that we have a bunch of Teddies in our room. I haven't been able to figure out who it is yet though, or what happened. We've been trying to avoid the bears for a while now. We just wish we knew who it was. I'm not sure how to reach them, they won't reply at all. Not to anything (writing, or speech).

Just wanted to give a little update on how we are. We may or may not log in again for a while. We just haven't been feeling like our selves. Like I mentioned before, it all went downhill with our last T. We still haven't been able to recover from that yet.

Hi folks,

Good to see you. We hope things go well with the new T.

MDs

MakersDozn wrote:Hi folks,

Good to see you. We hope things go well with the new T.

MDs

Thank you MDs! We appreciate it!



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Update on how we're doing:

Unfortunately, still not good. Our main host isn't doing so good. One of the guys (who used to be one of the protectors) is blocking her. We are trying to help her, but she can barely see us now. She also has a really hard time hearing us at times now. We can hear her, but she acts like she can't hear us a lot of times. The guy doesn't like her. In fact, I don't even think he likes any of us.

He is from a different area (dimension) in our inner world. He is in the process of making all residents of that area relocate. He doesn't want them in "his dimension". The relocating is causing other problems, but that's a different story. We're not sure how many (if more than one) are still living there. This is due to them relocating all over the inner world. We are aware of one female. She refuses to leave, and he despises this female far more than our host. Probably due to her refusing to leave the area. I know for a fact (due to being one of the protectors myself) there is no need for them to be relocating. I mean, it's good they are (for their protection, due to his current behavior), but as for any "real" reason there's none. He just is trying to claim the entire area as his own. He used to be one of the protectors, but like a couple others (was demoted over the years for something, well several things). Don't really want to go into details about that at this moment. He however changed at one point and wasn't really causing many issues, until now. We're not sure what his problem is. All we know is something has him very, very angry. He seems to be lashing out at anyone. He however is demanding to talk to our host (our host told us that). He seems to be able to speak to her clearer than us right now, which makes sense (being he is the one trying to completely block her).

We're not sure how to handle this problem right now.

-J

I keep getting a horrible wave of sadness and no one will answer me. I don't know which one of us is so sad. I try to calm them/cheer them up, but I have no clue who it is.

I feel as if our mind is being torn apart. A bunch of us are sad, but this one is even more sad. Some are actually doing ok (at least that's how they're making it seem). They might just be pretending. Others are avoiding each other. I don't know. Isolation is easing a little, but still, I don't know what's going on.

VERY STRESSED! I'm feeling so much tension. I don't know why this is. No one will answer me regarding this. I do know this is a bad time of the year for us, but this year seems to be worse than ever.

We have a lot of stuff we need to do, and we're not doing those things. It's a mess. We have no motivation to do a lot of those things. UGH! There are a bunch of us here right now. I feel so weird.

Plus to add to everything, the guy that "J" mentioned, is really causing problems. That guys name is Dar.

I don't know what happened but I do know something fishy is going on with that guy. I'm curious if I discovered what his problem really is. If I'm right, no wonder Dar is so mad. I'll have to try to speak to him, but so far, it's been hard. He is very insulting.

We are trying to speak to you. We thought you were ignoring us. Can't you hear me? A few of us have been answering you to no reply on your end. what's going on?

Ponyta wrote:We are trying to speak to you. We thought you were ignoring us. Can't you hear me? A few of us have been answering you to no reply on your end. what's going on?

Hey, I'm sorry as to I'm not sure who wrote this, but I don't think our host saw it yet. We all seem to be having a hard time getting through Dar's block. Hopefully we'll be able to get this mess straightened out soon. I do know it's causing problems for all of us. Plus our host keeps asking why we're ignoring her, apparently she can't even hear us unless we're standing extremely close to her. I just wanted to throw that info out there. She isn't ignoring us and we aren't ignoring her. We're having some serious "hearing problems". And I'm about to switch now. Hmmm. Yeah I agree with that. She doesn't seem to be able to hear me- unless of course I scream. Which I prefer not to do because yeah- myself I prefer not having everyone in our inner world staring at me. Heh, true. Same here.