Thank you a little crow, and MDs! We greatly appreciate the advice and kind words!
Sorry we haven't been on here much lately. Sorry it took so long to reply. We aren't doing so good lately. Was going to reply a few days ago, but something held us back. New ones are showing up now, but yet we knew about them for awhile, just didn't see them yet. Well now they're coming over.
Thoughts pop into my mind that are causing me agony (thoughts that are really upsetting). I know they are doing that just to upset me (based on how they're acting). BUT I'm not sure who is causing the thoughts yet.
Can't get a new T. The ones either don't take our insurance, are way too far away, or booked full/not taking new patients. There is one, but they are so booked full that they said it'll take at least until February (6 months) to get in. UGH! Hoping we can get an earlier appointment. We're on their wait list, but way too long.
So sad. Feel as if I'm losing my mind, but yet this whole tearing my mind apart (due to the thoughts) really is conflicting with the denial feeling right now. Why do they torment me so? They know it's really upsetting me. Then again, they basically told me that that is the point.
Oh, and someone is scared of a picture of a stuffed teddy bear. That was random knowledge that I discovered today. We (Weirdo and I) were checking our email. There was a teddy bear in the email, I don't know why, I suppose to be cute (to maybe help cheer up those who got the email. It was a newsletter) Anyway, some young one saw it and screamed. It actually scared us. It sounded like a girl. She apparently became co-con with us. Weirdo doesn't even know who she was, or where she went. But she saw the bear twice, and screamed twice. The second time was an accident too. We didn't know a second email would have a picture of the same bear (but a different angle). We had about 4 other newsletters (haven't been keeping up with that email lately), but we deleted them after the first 2. Didn't want to risk that happening a third time. Plus the newsletters were boring. Don't know why we signed up for them in the first place.
I honestly don't understand what was so scary about that bear. I'm curious. I literally felt her heart jump when she saw it. So did Weirdo. Bad thing is, neither of us know who she is, or where she went. She could be from a completely different area. A lot of the new guys are from a "new" area. "New" because not much is known about it. I'm wondering if it was just the way it looked. I mean, Mary has a bunch of teddy bears in our room. She loves them. Hopefully those don't scare this girl. Then again that email teddy bear had a totally different appearance. Probably best though to try to avoid the others though, for now.
I'm going to try to figure out who she is tonight, unless of course the other guys (new ones) interfere. Yeah, I just realized they are waiting on me. UGH! I mean, I want to help them. It's just I already asked them kindly to please wait until I'm able to help them. I told them that I already promised others that I would help them first. These new ones are basically demanding that I forget that, and help them first. So UGH! I don't know what to do.
If I help them first, then the others probably will be mad at me. I already got side-tracked how many times. They already waited so long as it was. If I ask for more time, then they really are going to be upset. These new guys just got here. It's not fair at all to the others (especially how long they already were waiting. I feel terrible about that.) I need to help those I promised first. I just wish these new guys would understand.
Haven't been getting good enough sleep. Been very tired lately. One day we were having what seemed to be out of control switching (due MAINLY to only getting 3 hours of sleep). Some nights it takes hours to fall asleep, or we manage to fall asleep (but keep waking up). Bad dreams too, a lot of nights. I don't know what in the world is up with some of them. It literally feels as if I'm taking to new insiders. Ones I never met yet. If that is true, then wow. I don't know what to say. Bad denial. I can't believe there are so many of us. That fact makes me feel really crazy.