Our new Journey thread (Ponyta)

I'm sorry you guys are having such a difficult experience!

Did this T say that she knew how to treat DID when you first started seeing her? Because it doesn't sound like she understands the basic principles and has a very outdated and inaccurate view of how DID comes about and how to work with systems.

It's also not good in general for a T to contradict a client about their own experience. Only you know the way things are for your system. And if your T actually wants to treat one alter as more important than the others, that's actually contraindicated by the treatment guidelines.

And DID can form from ongoing disorganized attachment and emotional neglect. There doesn't necessarily have to be one particular big trauma that happened.

There ARE good T's out there who have experience treating DID and will be validating and accepting. They're not easy to find, but it's worth looking for one.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:I'm sorry you guys are having such a difficult experience!

Did this T say that she knew how to treat DID when you first started seeing her? Because it doesn't sound like she understands the basic principles and has a very outdated and inaccurate view of how DID comes about and how to work with systems.

It's also not good in general for a T to contradict a client about their own experience. Only you know the way things are for your system. And if your T actually wants to treat one alter as more important than the others, that's actually contraindicated by the treatment guidelines.

And DID can form from ongoing disorganized attachment and emotional neglect. There doesn't necessarily have to be one particular big trauma that happened.

There ARE good T's out there who have experience treating DID and will be validating and accepting. They're not easy to find, but it's worth looking for one.

Thanks for your reply! It is greatly appreciated!

Yes, our T said she had a LOT of experience treating DID. Our T said she lost count, but helped over 50 different people before. Plus our T said about doing extra classes on it. Our T claims some didn't want help and left. Well- if our T did the same thing to them- no wonder. Oh- and our T also had to go on and say those who left got much worse. Which thinking about it- how would that T know?

Yes- yes. Thank you for saying that! We completely agree with your statements. This T doesn't seem to understand us at all. Plus- our T keeps saying many things that really upset us. Then seems to get mad at us. I'm not sure if our T really does get mad- but it sure seems that way to us.

We just wish we could find one who would really understand us. We hate being told that we know stuff- that we don't- or can do stuff- that we can't. It's really upsetting. Anyway- thanks again! We appreciate the stuff you said. It means a lot to us.

-Blaze (Also Weirdo and Bandit are here)

Hi Weirdo,

We're sorry that you're having difficult with your T and need to find a new one.

Have you looked here?

ISST-D.org - Find A Therapist
https://isstd.connectedcommunity.org/ne ... ofessional

Good luck,

MDs

Hey MDs. Thank you for that information! We'll have to check it out. Your support means a lot to us. Thanks again!

-Weirdo


Yes, Thank you MDs! We greatly appreciate it!

-Emma

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As for how we're doing (right now): We'll not so good at the moment. One of the protectors are very upset, and well, irritable about something that happened. The emotion is partially being broadcast over to me, so I kinda feel it too.

Plus we're all on edge about what to tell our T. Hopefully we'll be able to find a new one soon. We just don't know how to go about doing this. It makes us very nervous to even talk to our current T. We don't know. Our next appointment might be our last. We'll give our T at least one more chance. We've talked about it (between ourselves).

So, so UGH! Right now. UGH is the word best to describe how I feel. Not sure how to put it into words. The irritability, plus the extreme nervousness of our next (maybe final) appointment with our current T, on top of yet some other worries is really upsetting me. I think it's upsetting some of the others as well.

What really is upsetting is that our T wants us to talk about a specific thing at our upcoming appointment. That in itself is very upsetting (because it isn't something we want to talk about). So in other words, the one who knows the most about it, is supposed to come out and talk about it. It possibly would be okay, IF they actually wanted to do that. Our T basically is asking us to get one of the ones (who rather stay inside), to come outside. Which wouldn't be too bad in itself, BUT to have to come out just to talk about that. NOT COOL. What our T wants her to talk about, is VERY painful for her. We are NOT going to force her to come out.

We don't know what to do. We've been considering sending out a "mimicker". One who could impersonate the one our T wants to come out. We don't know. We already tried to tell our T that she doesn't want to talk about it. That's one of the reasons why this next appointment will probably be our last. I mean, especially if our T demands stuff like this. It isn't cool.

UGH! Horrible feeling! Very horrible feeling! You know what. I bet half of this horrible feeling, is actually coming from the one our T wants to come out. Plus on top of everything, this is already a bad time of the year for her. She always gets even more depressed from the end of July thru February 13th. She seems to really like February 14th for some reason. I haven't figured out yet as to why the ending half of the year is so bad for her. ALTHOUGH the thing our T wants her to talk about, Played a Major role in it. Although why the end of July? Unless that's because of school? The Major factor took place in September. I can see why that made the rest of the year awful.

Therapy is supposed to be for you, based on what you want help with, and it should be up to you what you talk about and when you talk about it. You're saying that you want to give her one more chance, but doesn't that mean talking to her about what she does that isn't helping and that you don't like?

A T shouldn't be insisting that a certain part come out, or insisting that you talk about a certain thing. You don't have to do what she wants if you don't ALSO want to do it. It seems to me that that's kind of repeating an abusive pattern, and T's are not supposed to do that. They are definitely not supposed to demand that you do something.

How would it help you to send out a "mimicker?" You're not supposed to do things just to please your T--that's kind of ridiculous. If a T suggests something and gives you a good reason, and you think about it and decide that it might be helpful, then you can try it. But if you actively don't want to, then a T is supposed to listen to you. It's their job to listen, and to understand, and to validate your experience. Not to insist and demand and disagree with you.

I'm sorry that you're going through this. It sounds really difficult.

We agree with everything that Gang is saying here about you (and not your T) being the one to decide who comes out and what you talk about.

And we too are sorry that you're going through this.

MDs

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Thank you TheGangsAllHere, and MDs! We greatly appreciate your replies and concern! It means a lot to us.


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TheGangsAllHere wrote:Therapy is supposed to be for you, based on what you want help with, and it should be up to you what you talk about and when you talk about it. You're saying that you want to give her one more chance, but doesn't that mean talking to her about what she does that isn't helping and that you don't like?

A T shouldn't be insisting that a certain part come out, or insisting that you talk about a certain thing. You don't have to do what she wants if you don't ALSO want to do it. It seems to me that that's kind of repeating an abusive pattern, and T's are not supposed to do that. They are definitely not supposed to demand that you do something.

We see what you mean. We completely agree with what you said. It's just, we're giving our T one more chance (prob one more appointment at least), mainly because we hate having the idea about having to go through the whole introduction process with yet another one. BUT we definitely are looking into finding a new one. If this next appointment goes like the last ones, we MOST definitely are firing this T right then.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:How would it help you to send out a "mimicker?"

Well, that's a good question. It wouldn't. Thank you for making us realize that! It seems the only reason why we were going to do that, was to "please" our T. Which, like you said, is Ridiculous. We see it now, and we agree.

Thank you again!

I think we have a Griffin in our inner world (Strong feeling, plus I was able to catch a glimpse of brown feathers). I have no clue how to talk to him. He is guarding an 8 year old, who I just met. He warned me to stay away from her. He said he won't have any problem with me, if I leave her alone. I feel strongly that he is one of the protectors. I can literally feel the strength coming off of him. BUT I can't get a clear picture of him, or the 8 year old. I could clearly hear them when they came over (last night) though.

Well, the 8 year old came over again today. She began talking to me. I could feel a piercing glare focused on me. I know it was him. I'm sure he's not happy at all. The thing is, she comes over to me. I don't go to her. Plus I'm not mean. I'm not going to tell her to leave. I feel that would really upset her. Plus it would make me feel awful. He must've said something privately to her, because she left a few moments after I felt the glare. I can sense that he is trying to protect her from harm. I told him that I respect that. He did not welcome that statement at all.

I just don't know how to talk to him. We have a centaur, which I had a really hard time reaching before. He actually is one of the protectors, plus I couldn't see him clearly at first either. I feel like the same tactics (of talking) won't work on the Griffin though. I feel he doesn't trust me at all. Plus, I actually feel scared of him (inner world ONLY). He only wants me to leave the 8 year old alone. He told me last night that he won't have any problem with me, if I leave her alone.

Well, how can I leave her alone, if she keeps coming over to talk to me? She wants me to introduce her to Blue. I even promised her that I would (Before this guy even came over). I told him that I promised her that. He wasn't happy about that. I tried to tell him that that's what she wants. He got extremely defensive about that, as if he thought I was lying to him. I can tell that he doesn't trust me one single bit.

Plus I must note that she called me "birdie". I can shapeshift in the inner world (BUT I didn't do that anywhere near her, so I don't know how she knows). I discovered that she thinks my dragon form is a birdie (by talking). I have no clue why, being that I look nothing like a birdie (even in that form). Well she called Rebel a yellow birdie. He is a young dragon. He also looks nothing like a birdie. The only thing similar to a birdie is our dragon wings, and even that really isn't that close. We don't have feathers. So I have no clue why she calls us a birdie. Unless, her protector is indeed a Griffin, and because of that somehow makes her think that. I have no clue. Still though, we don't even look similar to a Griffin either. I'm so confused. Maybe I'm just losing my mind. I feel crazy again.

Actually, thinking about it, our dragon form could kinda (in some ways) appear similar to her.

Why do I write the stuff that I write? I keep finding that I (myself) write stuff that makes me feel crazy. I also seem to say stuff that makes me feel crazy. Maybe I'm just having another bad wave of denial again? I don't know. I just feel horribly crazy again. UGH!

No wonder why the protectors don't want to tell me some things. Every time I meet someone new (inner world), it seems to send me into these "denial" feelings. I don't know why.

Okay, so I asked the 8 year old if the guy is a Griffin. Well, in a few questions (I showed her a cute picture of one). She said that looks like Birdie. So I'm not the only one she calls birdie. Which he came over today. He was mad that I was talking to her again. I told him that I'm sorry, but I can't help but to talk to her. I said she keeps coming over here. I told him that I'm not going to be mean and make her leave. I told him that even he knows that wouldn't be right. To that, he had no reply. I'm kinda curious if he's mad that she calls me birdie. I can tell that's her nickname for him. I told him outright that I'm not trying in anyway shape or form to be disrespectful to him or her. I told him I'm sorry if I did something to upset him. I also told him that I don't know why she calls me "birdie". I said that I tried to tell her nicely that I'm not a birdie, but she wouldn't listen. I said I don't know what to do.

Weirdo doesn't seem worried about the guy, even though he's been annoying me ever since the 8 year old walked away (to go play somewhere else). He's been agitating me. Weirdo also said that the guy is a Griffin. I can't get a clear image of him though. He keeps standing just out of my field of vision. When I try turning my head, he also moves. He doesn't want me to see him, for some reason.

Bandit took dragon form today. He was annoyed that the Griffin kept annoying me. Then the Griffin got defensive due to Bandit's action. I told them not to have a "conflict". Bandit said he only wants the guy to respect me. Then the Griffin replied that he has no problem, as long as I stop talking to the young girl. At least nothing happened.

Weirdo then told the Griffin something. He said something about not picking and choosing who to protect. Something or other about that. Said that their job is to protect everyone in our system, including Emma. To which the Griffin left out a loud sigh. He doesn't like me for some reason. I don't know why, but, that's NOT unusual. A lot of the protectors were leery of me, for some reason before.