Advice for a questioning host.

Question. Can there be one host who fronts?

Looking back I only remember two times that I actually fully switched out. Both times were when we felt like we were in danger. Most of the time I just feel the others here with me. None of the ones that I have talked to front on their own that I know of.

Advice for female body/ male alters

The body and I are female. The alter I think is named Kyle does a lot physically for us. Heavy lifting. Helping us get through a rough day at work. Reminds us or makes us drink/eat. But I’ve noticed that he is extremely uncomfortable right now. We are unfortunately granted an absolute horror of a monthly curse. Is there anything I can do to make This easier on him.

I have become aware of 6 others then me and am trying to talk to everyone.

Any tips on not fighting a switch. I feel like if I fully switch out I’m not going to come back and it causes me panic. I feel like I’m almost always semi present. I’m not allowed in the inner world at all. But can get in a head space area and sit with asheron in a peaceful dark place that I have vague memories of being in when I was younger. During this time I’m physically aware of the body but can’t move it.

I have two of my six alters that are kids. One is really young. And the other is 13-15 ish. Any tips on keeping them safe?

Any general tips from alters that help? As the host I feel clueless but I just want to be helpful. But I also don’t want to step on toes. Or over react. And definitely don’t want to accidentally hurt anyone.

Hi Ashe42,

I think it's really great you care about your alters. It took Host like forever to remember we need things too. So it's super important to ask what an alter needs. You don't always have to DO it but you always have to listen ok?

The more you cooperate with everybody the more you get to call the shots on switching. It's a trust thing. We used to be a mess but now we trust Host and he trusts us (mostly) so nobody freaks out so much.

Iain (I'm a 14 year old alter inside an older guy)

I answered your body question in your other thread.

Tysm!! I spent most of yesterday very out of it. When I got home I got the feeling they were also not feeling great inside. I’m trying to keep stress down but it’s kind of impossible to avoid. Can my stress bleed through the system?

Hi Ashe42,

Yeah. Stress goes both ways and can really kick everybody's butt! Half the time Host doesn't know why we're stressing and the other half we don't know why he is. That's why communication is super important. Feelings can like flood over even if thoughts don't. Do you have a communiation journal? That's a great way to figure out what's going on with everybody.

Good luck,

Iain

Ty. Your words help. I feel like Im more stressed then I’ve ever been and depression is flailing up. Thank god I have a therapy appointment with a new T tomorrow. I just hope she is understanding.

Good luck with your new T.

Iain

This is how me and Paul deal with "the monthly curse" Alot of the time it's us who are out that week. This is for several reasons. Firstly we do not feel cramps. Doesn't happen. The women feel the cramps if they're in the body. We don't. Don't know why or how tf that works but we don't.

Secondly we deal with it "like men" It's a bit of blood, mostly water actually and yeah it's messy. Alot less messy than if you was smothered in someone else's blood. We also discovered that using tampons makes the bleeding stop quicker. The women in the system do not like them. They don't like putting them in and they think they're going to get an infection. Me and Paul have no problem putting a tampon in we can literally feel nothing putting it in. That meant at first we forgot it was there but we're ontop of that now because that could cause an infection. We time it. 11am change tampon. 3pm change tampon. We are still alive and no infection so we must of done ok with it so far.

We are not attached to the body. We live in the body.

Where I don't feel cramps the others don't get shoulder pain, I fell over drunk and dislocated my shoulder and didn't go to hospital. So although after I found out I was supposed to go to hospital and I had two weeks complete rest and it did stop continuously hurting when I'm in the body occasionally it hurts but doesn't for other parts.

I guess I'm attached to my own experience of the body. I don't feel cramps because I have nothing to cramp. The bleeding doesn't bother me because I'm not bleeding the body is. I don't want to connect to it. I've also been in labour. I was fine. No gas and air, no pain relief. I rocked up and said "hi I'm in labour" and they said "no you're not with contractions like that you'd be screaming" I said "listen I've been through this before and last time you sent me home and my waters broke all over my carpet so if that happens again then me and this hospital are going to have a problem" The women in the system did one labour and half of another one. The first one I said "the baby is stuck get a doctor" They said "there's nothing wrong" I said "if you don't get a doctor and this goes wrong I will sue you" They got a doctor, baby was stuck and cord round his neck.

So I dunno about body disphoria. I know this ain't my body, I just live in it. And seeing it like that helps me. Yeah I look after it. Yeah I am fully aware it's a woman's body but that doesn't mean I'm attached to it. If that makes sense?

Hope there was something helpful there somewhere,

Pat

Also do not worry about "not coming back" from a switch. I'm here at the moment because I do not want Corona virus. I had swine flu and that was bad enough.

I am self isolating. I'm getting the other parts to accept that. I'm getting the outside children to accept that. We can teach them stuff at home, I'll take them to run round a field for exercise. Once outside and inside people know the drill I have zero issues f'in off. My main problem right now is the bf because he keeps going on about the second world war. There's going to be enough internal problems and external issues with this without him trying to go against me. But as soon as I feel like it's going to be safe for me to leave other parts to it - the host is going to be the biggest problem other than the bf - then I'm gone.

Nobody wants to "steal" the body - probably. If they do want to steal the body then you will eventually switch back in because they will get tired or bored or some other part will take over that is easy for you to switch back with. We've gone 3 years with just two alters fronting before but that didn't mean the rest of us weren't around. Those three years are blurry for the rest of us so it's not ideal but in general you will switch back in quite quickly unless there's a reason why you're not - triggers, an ongoing issue, some reason why that part wants the body. We all eventually get tired though.


Pat

I didn’t think anyone else wants to steal the body but I guess it’s a confidence issue in myself. Now that I’m consciously aware of the others I’m scared I’m going to mess up. Or fail to come out when I’m supposed to.

I missing my routine. For the last month I had a decent routine that helped me stay relaxed. I can tell even one I stressed underneath. And I feel like it’s my fault. I’ve got to figure out a routine here.

Ashe42 wrote:I didn’t think anyone else wants to steal the body but I guess it’s a confidence issue in myself. Now that I’m consciously aware of the others I’m scared I’m going to mess up. Or fail to come out when I’m supposed to.

I missing my routine. For the last month I had a decent routine that helped me stay relaxed. I can tell even one I stressed underneath. And I feel like it’s my fault. I’ve got to figure out a routine here.

Trying to set up a routine here too. It's proving difficult at the moment. Routine is very very helpful even if it's different things everyday. Having set things on set days really helps.

We all fail occasionally in "being out" when we're supposed to. I went AWOL for about 8months. Because of my absence life changed dramatically. I didn't think it would but it did. I didn't think they needed me but they do. All parts are needed I guess or they wouldn't exist.

There's no point putting that kind of pressure on yourself. If you're about and you're helpful great. If you're about and unhelpful then that's ok too because nobody is perfect. If they need you but you can't make it then they will have to cope without you - they will cope, maybe not how you would of coped but they will. Parts in my system didn't pressure me to come back. They left me to what I was doing. Very occasionally I'd pop back to answer a question about mechanics but then I went again, I wasn't interested in anything because I was depressed. None of them judged me. When I did come back they were pleased to see me and showed me songs they'd been listening to that reminded them of me which was very sweet. So overall don't worry about it, trying to force things will cause more problems than good. Your system worked long before you knew it was there and it will carry on working now you know it is there. Worry won't get you anywhere other than you're then also worried.

Keep Chill,

Pat