Life threads

I feel like my life runs in threads. Like Beth has a life thread where she's writing a book. No-one (an alter) has a life thread where she works in a shop. Rose has a life thread where she cooks and looks after children. Patrick has a life thread where he quit his job and doesn't work at the moment. Karen has a life thread where she just goes shopping and eats out. Paul has a life thread where he shows up and sorts out problems and has arguments. Others stay mostly internal so don't have whole threads. The Overlord sort of has one, he reads his book and says crazy stuff. You get the idea.

Do you feel like your life runs in seperate threads?

Hey Sarandipity,

We sorta feel like that, except instead of the threads being all like at the same time, we feel more like ours are one after another?

Like, for a while one alter kinda dominates life, and does their things, has their interests, whatever. Then their time eventually ends and another alter kinda takes over for most stuff, and life shifts a little bit to suit them. And then it happens again.

Its probably happened like that alot over our life. We don't remember smaller threads, but we know there's some big picture stuff. It was someone's life from like age 4 to about 17. Then from 18 to around 22 was sorta shared. Then 22 to like, maybe 32 was either just one alter, doing most stuff. If there were others we don't remember. From 32 to just like 2 years ago, was a pair in charge of most things.

And last 2 years, the threads have been alot shorter. Mostly measured in months instead of years. Right now it's my turn.

I feel like this should bother us, but I don't think it does? It's just how it is.

Viola

I think we have it like that, but I don't see it now when it's happening. Only afterwards. It's probably different parts, but because I haven't been aware of it, it feels just like several lives happening.. to me it feels like they'd need to have happened one after another, but in real timeline they happened next to each other at the same time. And my mind can't make any sense out of it. It's like I remember thread 1 and it was really hard time and I remember thread 2 and it was fine, and then I realize those things happened at the same time next to each other and time doesn't make any sense anymore. Or my life story doesn't make sense. Cause it can't be opposite things all being true and there at the same time, but it was.

Flor

Amythyst wrote:Hey Sarandipity,

We sorta feel like that, except instead of the threads being all like at the same time, we feel more like ours are one after another?

Like, for a while one alter kinda dominates life, and does their things, has their interests, whatever. Then their time eventually ends and another alter kinda takes over for most stuff, and life shifts a little bit to suit them. And then it happens again.

Its probably happened like that alot over our life. We don't remember smaller threads, but we know there's some big picture stuff. It was someone's life from like age 4 to about 17. Then from 18 to around 22 was sorta shared. Then 22 to like, maybe 32 was either just one alter, doing most stuff. If there were others we don't remember. From 32 to just like 2 years ago, was a pair in charge of most things.

And last 2 years, the threads have been alot shorter. Mostly measured in months instead of years. Right now it's my turn.

I feel like this should bother us, but I don't think it does? It's just how it is.

Viola

Thanks Viola. I think outwardly something or parts dominate. So outwardly we look like we quit Patricks full time job (he stopped going before we were in hospital and other parts had to cover) and took a part time job to help our youngest son with his school work. But that is made up by these different life threads.

In therapy ten years ago when looking back over childhood it was clear there'd always been different life threads running. The studious student. The wild child running around getting up to no good. The hippie type who liked to have deep convos and play computer. The threads didn't link or match up.

It was bothering me earlier. It feels like the threads are so easily lost, that's why. But I realised Beth's thread goes all the way back there, she was the studious student. Karen had different friends from any of those threads and just like to dress up and go clubbing and have one night stands. So the threads aren't lost, they carry on and are all still running. But as much as that takes away the fear that each thread is fragile and easily lost, now I feel like it's so much mental energy these seperate threads. They aren't so much seperate lives now - they sort of still are but feel less like seperate lives because I'm aware of them all where I wasn't as a teenager, as a teenager there was complete disconnect between threads, it's still very mentally draining. My theory on why is it's different brainwaves using the brain and the switching fries the circuits, sometimes worse than others and leads to complete system reboots occasionally which is when hospital happens because the sea creatures escape or memory leaks or somebody is exposed to a truth they don't like. In 2014 it was complete shock over how awful the mother is, somebody was shocked and it peaked feelings of hatred towards her but there wasn't memory leakage, just realising how horrible she is generally was enough. This time it was memory. It was memory back in 2006 that caused hospitalisation. Every time there is this kind of massive reboot the outward expression of the system changes, parts switch up to be more or less dominant. I don't think I could do daily life within them at all, that's the truth. They live and I hop along for the ride. Which it's been some ride really. So it's not so much I'm complaining as I keep thinking there must be a better way to live but maybe there isn't.

SystemFlo wrote:I think we have it like that, but I don't see it now when it's happening. Only afterwards. It's probably different parts, but because I haven't been aware of it, it feels just like several lives happening.. to me it feels like they'd need to have happened one after another, but in real timeline they happened next to each other at the same time. And my mind can't make any sense out of it. It's like I remember thread 1 and it was really hard time and I remember thread 2 and it was fine, and then I realize those things happened at the same time next to each other and time doesn't make any sense anymore. Or my life story doesn't make sense. Cause it can't be opposite things all being true and there at the same time, but it was.

Flor

Yes. Looking back properly at my teenage years in therapy ten years ago made me aware of it. I wrote this post because I felt like all the threads were so fragile and easily lost. But as I replied to Viola when I think about it the threads running now I can trace back all the way to those teenage years. I struggle to trace them back further than that, I'd probably have to do that in therapy.

Sometimes it's hard to believe how many different things I did at once. And like you say when you're in it you don't see it. I talk about when I was working for myself cleaning and when I was a college studying mechanics and when I was working in an autocentre and when I was working balloon modelling and at points I was doing all those things at once whilst having friends and children.

So really it's not surprising my system burns out and reboots every so many years. Every time I say I'm going to take it easier make sure I say out of hospital and I mean it and I try but the threads I was worried about being weak are actually strong and slowly they all start running again. It's this I need to be aware of. With DID I think parts stay in their outside moments, they live in the moments which is good in a way but in another way they don't take account of other parts moments, this is the burn out of think but the burn out is always triggered by something, memory or emotions.