Is it possible for your brain to make inner dialogue up

I am going to add to this... Rive, this is a very consistent pattern of denial and wanting to deny it with you. What is it that bothers you so much about even the THOUGHT that it is valid and legitimate?! You've had several of us say "it sounds like it's DID", you've had a doctor (at least one) tell you it is. Yet you KEEP insisting on saying things like "could it possibly be this... or that... or can my mind make it all up..."

MAYBE, just MAYBE, you could look at it from another view- WHY would it?! What is wrong with it if it's NOT made up, not wrong, and we and the doctor KNOW we're talking about? Why does this seem to scare you so badly that you cling to any notion you hope can dismiss it?!

Honestly, DID is difficult, it's scary, it's very hard sometimes... but it's NOT as bad as people make it out to be day to day most of the time. It's NOT the end of the world. It's NOT saying you're crazy or anything negative about you at all.
It IS saying you've been through something your mind couldn't cope with at a vulnerable time in your life. It IS saying you are a SURVIVOR- you're stronger than you know... yes, as a "team" or system, but that's part of the whole of who you are. You are stronger than you know. Don't be scared of that.

There's a lot of benefit to being this way, too. You can cope with and handle things you couldn't even imagine having to endure. Is it ideal? No. Is it the "common experience" of most people? Of course not. But it's NOT something to be scared of being if you are either.

Because I have a strong desire to know what causes me to be the way I am and the strong desire not to be a liar as well. DID just doesn't seem to fit me for all of the reasons I have already discussed: not dissociating, not having amnesia, not having distinct parts, not being able to see them, or hear my alters in a blatant way, etc. I never had these weird thoughts before I started on these meds. I get private messages that my meds could cause these thoughts and I remember having them on these meds years ago. They just seem like they are me answering me. This is what happened last night(nothing was related to anything I was thinking):


Thinking about something and child alter said suck my thumb. I said suck my thumb!

Thinking about if my therapist would answer my email. Alter said do you want to snuggle me or will you snuggle me (can't remember) another thought said I will.

I like spaghetti. Does anyone else like spaghetti?

Do you like mushrooms? Thought said I do. I said what kind do you like? Thought said I like breaded mushrooms. ( I don't actually care for those.)

Thinking about if me and my therapist played with blowing plastic balloons. Child alter said I see plastic balloons! Then thinking about getting some for the child alter that said that and said we'll get you some. Who is we?

He was with me. Seemed like it was coming from a different part of my head.

It's great that you're improving your communication with your alters like that. Good job! As you keep it up, it will be easier to have longer and longer conversations with them.

Rive wrote:Do you like mushrooms? Thought said I do. I said what kind do you like? Thought said I like breaded mushrooms. ( I don't actually care for those.)

This is definite progress--an actual back-and-forth conversation! I'm proud of you for continuing to try and for capturing these in writing.

(By the way, and I'm just repeating myself again, there is no medication that causes "thoughts" with the autonomy to carry on a conversation and to have likes/dislikes different from your own. The fact that these other parts have different tastes than you do is proof that they are dissociated parts. Alters. Just sayin'. Again. )

Somewhere in my mind I know that's true. Mainly though there is this big blinking sign saying this is just your mind thinking of @$%# to say back!

Rive wrote:Somewhere in my mind I know that's true. Mainly though there is this big blinking sign saying this is just your mind thinking of @$%# to say back!

Haha. "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!! The great and powerful Wizard of Oz has spoken, and he says this is just your mind making up $#%^! Ignore the truth, I say!!"

(TW--this is a clip from The Wizard Of Oz, with fire and a projection of a scary green face.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqzZ3jxx650

Thanks-Gang