by SystemFlo » Tue Jan 28, 2020 3:04 am
Andi, I don't believe in races, because in reality they don't exists. Genetic variance between different races is lesser than it is among people who belong into same "race". Therefor races do not define how people are like. You may come from certain kind of culture and value that, so do I. Our way is honest and persistent. Your talks about other peoples things are racist and ignorant.
We have a little in the system, who loves his fire truck. It's his comfort toy, when ever he feels unsure, scared or anything else negative, he wants to have that truck in his hand and he feels better. Us bigger ones take care that he always has access to it. He doesn't want anyone to take it from him, because it's so important to him and he gets scared it could break or disappear. He can offer it to someone to hold in their hand tho, someone who's very upset. Because he's so small, he doesn't understand toy doesn't work for other people like it works for him. It's best way he knows how to comfort someone and it's an honor to get to be the one he offers it to.
He has another important toy as well, that used to be our T's. It's called Little black thing, because it's tiny and black and we don't know what it is. It could be human, but it can also be some special species with it's own name, like from some cartoon etc. He worries a lot about Little black thing's wellbeing, because he projects all his own fears and insecurities to that toy, like his fears and worries would be Little black thing's feelings. Now he is scared of our T, and we took Little black thing home, otherwise he would constantly worry Little black thing gets abused.
They are both just objects with no real feelings, but Leon is 4 and this is the way a 4 year old copes in the world, very age appropriate considering he has lot of secrets he can't share and inner beliefs how it's bad to be anything but happy. Those toys offer him safety and a way to tell how he's feeling. Losing them would be devastating to him, but of course he would still be same Leon he has been before either of the toys came to his life, which was less than 1,5 years ago. Toys don't define him, but they're special to him, helpful and only good way. We would never take them away from him. In perfect world there will be a day when he doesn't need them anymore to support his feelings, but that time is not now.
For him there's much more in both toys than the plastic they're made of. Trigger warning, mentioning trauma: We were in a fire and lost our home and all the furniture, toys etc, everything familiar to us when we were 3. We didn't lose our family, but our parents aren't comforting type or safe and us being upset would've meant dad will punish mom for not keeping us happy and easy and almost invisible. If Leon can find comfort in having fire truck now, it doesn't make him materialistic. He's been in a fire and why having fire truck with him all the time makes him less scared doesn't need much explaining. Neither does the toy he projects his feelings into. In the end, negative feelings have always been forbidden for us to have, and that way he can have a way to express them too safely, while still looking happy enough himself. Non of that has nothing to do with our race, culture or materialism.Trigger warning ends.
You seem to think that if a person has something that's their own, that makes them materialistic, and that is not true. You can force people to wear clothing that is ugly and uncomfortable for them, and it doesn't change who they are. It just makes them unhappy or awkward. You need to have clothes anyway. If you buy them ways that keeps everyone happy and they like it, it doesn't mean you have more clothes than you do if you buy clothes only one part likes and others feel uncomfortable wearing. Clothes don't change one's personality and nobody has claimed it could, but it can cause lot of harm for example by triggering self harming behaviors due to body dysphoria etc. There is nothing materialistic in avoiding dysphoria, it's horrible feeling. If there's no parts in your system who suffer from it, you should feel lucky, not superior.
People who have different type clothing because parts like different things, don't need to own more clothes than people who only wear one type of clothes. They just chose them based on different things. If stuff like clothing could change who you are as a person, there wouldn't be things like body dysphoria that gets triggered by wrong clothing. Because it can't change the person, only make them feel more or less good about themselves, some people need their own stuff to deal with life. That all is very far from being materialistic.
We don't have different beds for different parts, but not all of us can sleep in bed. That doesn't mean bed belongs to just some of us, although they'd be the ones who use it. But what would it change if it would belong to them? What exactly has it to do with materialism if all of us can not go to bed and sleep, but get anxious instead? What if someone gets so anxious about beds that they decide to say bed is not theirs but belongs to other parts? Does that make them materialistic? To me it makes them traumatized.
You have things that practically belong to just one of you, just like either all or majority of the people who answered in here as well. Most of them call littles' books simply littles' books because without littles those books wouldn't exist in the shelf and no one would read them, but you call them everyone's books. Somehow then it doesn't define you, but if you'd say those are littles', those same books used exactly same way to same purposes would define you as people more?
I don't understand the logic behind this.
"All the clutter" because of different parts in our household means one paper bag full of stuffed animals and few other toys in the walk-in closet. Easy to take from there and easy to put back. Few toys that are in visible places or in backpack: fire truck and Little black thing. We have three shelves full of books, I love books and wanna have loads of them: most are mine but not all, Sami, Fourteen and I have a same favorite book, so that's all of our's and some have books others don't care about (mostly me). Fight sport magazines (Rami, Sami, Fourteen). Sport corner: basketball, football, 2 pairs of dumbbells and 2 kettlebells. In bathroom: (unisex) scents/perfymes (we all wear them, but they're because of Sami and Fourteen originally), pair of earrings (in use). In future there will be more jewelry and accessories. Art stuff for Fourteen (will be more in future).
The way I see it: if we would be one person, we'd have all that to that one person. Smallest toys (fire truck, Little black thing and dinosaurs) we probably wouldn't have. I don't understand talk about hoarding problems, we live in studio apartment and there are still 3 cupboards that are empty after living in here about 7 years. We also have small storage, but we rent it to our neighbor because we don't use it.
We have one wall almost full of books, so they're clearly visible, but they're all in shelves. Sport corner stuff is visibly in the corner as well, there would be room for them in walk-in closet but I'd actively want to forget they exist if I'd put them there, which is why they're on the corner. And two tiny toys are on the self or night stand or somewhere where Leon can easily find them. No, we don't have any hoarding problems, everything has a place and there's no piles of anything anywhere.
If you think that system that shares a body needs huge amounts of stuff, maybe you just overestimate the amount of things you actually need yourself. If you can't share spoons and plates and pillows, then it's problem in your attitude, not in other parts wanting to do things that are important to them, and have tools that makes doing them possible. You only live 24 hours in a day with a system too, and there's limited amount of activities you can do in that time. Sharing time doesn't mean all parts live outside life doing their own separate things all days long. It's still same amount than one person would do. Even tho there's about 30 of us, we don't need space for 30 people, we only need co-operation.
To the original question, I agree with other's and like I wrote already, I don't think it makes any difference how you call the stuff you have. It still gets used same ways, most wouldn't care, but some could and it could make them feel less safe, especially if there's trauma linked to having or not having toys etc. I don't think it's a stupid question, sometimes little changes can have big positive impact as well. I just don't think this is one of them.
Flor
) that belongs to one of them, but they also share and that sharing helps build internal trust similar to outside littles sharing toys. For many, having a special item that was theirs helped them feel included and accepted.
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