Different alters being lenient

Hey guys, I'm in a bit of a situation here.
I had an argument with my boyfriend twice now, over him staying up super late, 5-7am, and waking up late, around 2-4pm.
It throws me off and anytime I try to structure my daily routine, if i need his help with something I'm simply not getting it.
He promised we would go grocery shopping together and he would make me dinner I haven't had before, and just slept. I had to go myself and it feels upsetting.
But then he got mad because I (as Alix) had said I understood why he was having sleeping difficulties and was okay with it.
So he told me to make up my mind, and thats when I told him I never condoned it. I'm far from perfect but I'm trying to set up a decent routine. Having someone sleep the day away in the same room just isn't working for me.
How do I make sure my alters and I don't contradict each other like that?

Any feedback would be much appreciated

We have a (slightly) simmilar problem in that grace peter and I all have different parenting styles. We found that it helped to have certain key areas written down physically "mum's rule book" these are the red lines our daughter is not to cross no matter who is fronting.

Perhaps it would help you guys to write between yourselves why you aproach your partner the way you do. If your partner has a genuine condition maybe it is not your alter that is too lenient but you that is too demanding, on the other hand perhaps the alter is enableing poor sleep habits in which case you need to establish a middle ground. Your partner cant be expected to live sleep deprived but you could explane that sleeping until 2pm is not going to help his problem so you would like him to wake at 12pm which would give you guys more time together and (hopefully) start reseting his circadian rythams.

A note for the sleep deprived if you use blue light screens a lot (phone, computer, ereader, tv) then your body becomes unable to organise sleep on a day night cycle and instead switches from useing day light to know when it should be awake to using food to know when it should be awake. If blue light is a factor agrivating your partners problem then you waking him up with breakfast in bed could realy help. (conversly him snacking late into the night will only keep him awake.) Idealy there should be no food eaten from an hour before you want to go to sleep until you wake up the next day.

While I still wake up at random times in the night (4am today) I have found what sleep I get has been better quality since I stopped eating during sleep hours. (I'd probably do even better if I didnt switch my computor on every time I couldnt sleep -duh)
Mo

Different alters deal with stuff differently. It's frustrating for other parts. Outside people don't like it because outside people expect consistent response to the same stimuli.

Then as a system you can see where it went wrong, an alter said something another completely disagrees with and you can't blame the outside person. This leaves you vulnerable to being taken advantage of and leaves you vulnerable to destabilising an outside relationship because you appear to have no set boundaries but infact different parts of you have different boundaries.

There's three options. 1. An outside person gets to know different parts of you and is aware of the different boundaries and reacts accordingly to different scenario.

2. You teach all alters a set of boundaries and everyone sticks to them. (necessary in parenting. We went to 7 parenting classes)

3. You accept the outside person as they are and use their boundaries which is ok if they live by their own boundaries and do not have different rules for themselves as they do for others (which is basically abusive) or if they are a bit like that, which most people are, you fight to enforce their own boundaries on them so as to balance the relationship - which also takes alter cooperation.

We have tried all three. With our eldest son we didn't have classes till he was 4. We noticed recently he seems to instinctively know where each alter that parented him boundaries are. He knows when he can play up and when he can't. He still pushed all the boundaries but once we had classes that helped because we had our own set boundaries. He still instinctively seems to know who he's talking to and all their buttons and who he can really joke around with. The younger children do not have this at all because we were using a set parenting model by then. It took realising this for alters to understand "they are pushing me because they don't realise who they are pushing" and we had to adapt because we're the parent. And providing consistent care is of the most importance with children.

With adult relationships ideally it's less restrictive. You don't need to worry about the adult from a developmental point of view because they have already developed and you're not responsible for them. So a combination of all three is possible. They can know different alters have different boundaries, likes, etc. You can have a few set boundaries you want all alters to stick to but others they can set themselves and have different ideas about. And you can guage if the adult has boundaries and expectations that fit with yours and you can accept them or not.

So your partner has a different sleep routine from you. You know this. You ask him to change it to spend time in the day on activities. He does or doesn't do this. You accept it or end the relationship. If you accept his sleep routine then you need to live your life around you not around him because his routine could mess you up and then spend time together which suits both of you.