by TheGangsAllHere » Sat Feb 29, 2020 12:34 am
As an update to what's been happening, it took until Tuesday night for Watcher to allow the other littles to take the little stuffie out of the drawer, and to let them sleep with it again. They were very happy to have it back, because it was given to us by the T to keep at home, and they were sad when Watcher put it in the drawer.
Today we saw the T for the first time since he responded to Watcher's questions. Sasha had sent him an email on Wednesday evening just to let him know how we were doing, because Watcher was blocking anyone else from contacting him.
Things went ok today--there was one minor upset, but we worked it out. It means a lot to Watcher and others that if the T has an idea, but it doesn't match our experience, he will throw it out, but it's hard to believe sometimes that he's done that. We think he's still sitting there thinking the wrong thing. But it helps them believe him when he makes that gesture of throwing something into the wastebasket.
I still find it so hard to realize how separate some of these deep feelings are from me and from what I think of as important feelings from the past. It's also hard not to feel ashamed of them. One of Watcher's questions for the T was, "You're not going to go away and leave us with other people?" And of course, the T was happy to respond to that, and even repeated it in the little sticky note he wrote for us at the end of the session today.
But while I can empathize with that feeling, it's very hard to relate to as something coming from inside us. We can feel that Watcher was very relieved by the T's answer, and that they have been going over it again and again, but some of us don't even know what it means, and feel like it's something that it doesn't even make sense to ask. It just feels deeper and younger than, for example, Claire wanting the T to make a "No Monsters" sign and put it in his office where we can see it.
Oh, the littles want me to say that the T kept all the chocolate bars and the cookie in his office all week. We thought he said he was taking them home, but he didn't. Watcher still wouldn't let us take any of them, but we hope maybe they'll change their mind and let us have at least one.