Looking for advice from people living with DID

Hi everyone. I overshared.

No MeMyselfMaureen they are not all me. Would be simpler if they were ha ha. Nope they're one separate body, sleeping in the bedroom as I drink my coffee. I wont ever get to bring my kids home to live because the body is adult and they have their own apartment car job life. The T I saw last year to understand DID, I paid for myself.

My husband and I are currently separated for reasons that have nothing to do with my kids and friends.

My friend/host is not cheating on her partner because she and I are not in a romantic relationship. I'm romantically involved with an adult from my kids' part of the system. One who woke up from hibernation a year ago. Everyone in both systems knows and has adjusted well to this. My kids are my kids, my friends are my friends, and he is my boyfriend. The half of the system that woke up last year have never been in a relationship with this other partner.

I understand the concerns my overshare raised. I have read and reread your comments. I appreciate you who share your thoughts. Everyone in the system is good with things as they are, so long as the body's partner doesn't find out about my romantic relationship with one person. To everyone else inside I'm friend and mom and that's how the partner knows me to be.

But... your friend is one whole person, which means that they Are cheating on their partner...? Or is their partner another alter? Partners and outside people generally have a VERY hard time seeing people with DID as separate. It is weird to me that you seem to have an easy time doing this.

And that you're willing/wanting to mother the kids in the system, while probably appreciated, is also concerning. Child parts need that kind of support from the adults within the system - that is much healthier. A T can provide some support, a partner can provide some support, but ultimately relying on another adult like you are a child, when your body is much older, puts you in a very vulnerable position. It is safer when adults in the system learn how to care for littles.

Seconding everything that fireheart said.

MDs

The body’s partner is just that—a partner who presumes that the body is monogamous with the partner, and as you said yourself, would NOT be ok with the body, no matter who is fronting at the time, having a romantic relationship with another outside person. They are the partner to the system—not just to one part of it.

It is absolutely cheating if the partner perceives it that way, and unless they’ve agreed to be poly, then it IS cheating. It doesn’t matter what part of the system your “boyfriend” is from—he’s an alter who needs to be cooperating and communicating with the other parts and not engaging in behavior that could jeopardize a longstanding and stable relationship.

I thought you were posting here to get support for HELPING your friend and her littles, and her system as a whole, but this sounds like you’ve started putting your needs first. I hope this doesn’t end up causing more trauma for this system, but it’s hard to imagine that it won’t.