Relationships Between Alters

Hey. This is Rosalind, the system’s ex-persecutor. Out of fear of them seeing this, I’m not going to say who it is that I’m talking about. But there’s someone in my system that I’m... interested... in. And I know that this is a relatively common thing for alters to fall in love with each other and whatever. I mean... Blake and Griffin are in a relationship currently.

But at the same time, I’m still hesitant to bring this up to said person of interest. I guess I find it odd that two people sharing the same brain can potentially have a relationship. Like... we’re two parts of the same whole. Wouldn’t it just be loving yourself? That feels bizarre to me. Or am I just looking at this all wrong? Because at the end of the day, whenever I see this person, I still feel butterflies and I don’t know how to act except to flirt (horribly) or gush. They’re so damn cute.

I hate looking dumb or vulnerable. Especially on a place so public. But I’m honestly confused and could use some light shedded on this subject.

Thanks.
-Roz

If they make you happy, go ahead! Even if you two are "part of a whole" it is more like "part of the same team" really. And if it is not, what wrong is it in loving yourself? Why would that be less acceptable than hating yourself?

They make you happy. What more is it to understand?

There are other ways to tell them you are interested. Such as... telling them what you just wrote about them. That you think they are very cute, that you don't know how to act around them because they make you feel butterflies.

Maybe, you could ask Blake and Griffin for advices? Or on their opinion on what it is to have a relationship with another system member?

Good luck, lovebird!

--Zami--

Hey Roz,

We've had similar feelings of like, uncertainty or wierdness, about this subject? So I get what you're saying.

But I'll echo what Zami said. There's nothing wrong with it, its actually good & beneficial, & its alot better than hating part of yourself.

FWIW I'm super new to this kinda thing too... me & Em have got together and I still sorta think its abit wierd? but we're both so happy and its a great feeling.

Go for it. I wish you all the best!

Viola

Positive, healthy relationships internally, between alters, is a huge part of what heals this disorder. Forming those relationships helps to create internal trust and new patterns for external relationships. In our system we have mostly other types of relationships, but to echo what's already been said, romantic relationships in a system are entirely normal, even if they feel a little weird. Part of it feeling weird is that you were probably taught to have an unloving view of yourself. Rejecting that and choosing internal love like that is unfamiliar! Especially the way you describe, which sounds lovely.

If you need some extra encouragement, check out Multiplicity and Me on YouTube: they have a married couple in their system and they have an external world husband.

Hello. Vivian here.

I have a similar predicament, and while I cannot offer you much in the way of advice, I can certainly offer you my understanding; I would trust the advice of others here. Positive and healthy relationships between alters is certainly necessary, admirable and to be desired. If that becomes romantic, I suppose it could equally be positive, although we have no experience of such an event.

I wish you well, and good luck. Vivian.

Thanks for the advice and understanding from everyone. I appreciate it.
Since typing this post, I decided to bite the bullet and ask them if they wanted to start dating or whatever. And they said yes! We went on our first date yesterday.

Keep in mind, we have a relatively small inner world. Nothing too teeny, but not like a whole city or anything that big. But we figured we could each do something together that we liked, to get to know each other better.
For them, we took a stroll through the garden and the woods. For me, I took her to where I used to live, below the house. Now, it's my practice room where I write my music. I've started teaching them how to play piano and it's hilariously adorable.

I'm still unsure and awkward as hell... But it really does make me happy that they're willing to give me a shot. <3

-Roz

It is amazing news! I am happy for you! You are doing great!

--Zami--

Congrats Roz, that sounds great!

Viola

I haven't been here, so I'm late, congrats. Point I have in this is that I get you. We have always had relationships in, it's actually a thing I'm gonna start a thread if someone has any view on why things are like they seem to be for us with that, but never mind that.. we do that. A lot.

But that's all about those parts, who live in inner worlds. I'm not one of them, I can see in, but not enter, and am not trying to either, although it would be soooo freakin awesome to meet them like actual outside people. But on the other hand not, because I kind of live my life thru their lives, and feel I'm sometimes more of a stalker than one of us. Or I'm one of us, but definitely not one of them. However, I couldn't be like that with any of them.. I feel I'm lesser than any of them, but also because to me that would feel way too much like being with myself.

It doesn't feel like that to them, because they are capable of having separate bodies inside. I'm not, and it's kind of out of question I'd belong to that gang that way. And also because I don't want to, I really don't wanna be intimate with anyone. If I'd had an outside relationship, it would be some of them doing all intimacy stuff for me.. But even if I wouldn't be basically ace, it's just not something I could naturally do. And I don't think any of them could be attracted to me, because of things like I'm on my 40s and they're nowhere near etc. And because in our system it's male thing to be able to attract, not female.

So I get how it feels like to feel it's awkward. It would be for me, but the way things are for us, it wouldn't be for you if you were one of us, because you live in inner world. But those are just our "rules", systems are different. Basically, do what ever feels right. Wouldn't feel right to me, which is why I don't, but does feel right to the rest of us, which is why they do things. A lot.

Me and Beth were in a relationship for years. Then I went to prison, that's what they told Beth but actually they stuck me with the overlord. When I came back I was really jealous of Karen and Beth having a close friendship and I beat Karen up which upset Beth. The overlord was frightened I was gonna blame him so he bought me a watch. Internal relationships happen. Me and Beth are ok now, internally, externally don't usually front together because we co-front with other parts that are younger to try to help them.

Rose and Patrick are soul mates. There's a couple of relationships internally. Starting a relationship is tricky I guess and you have to consider the system and outside life.

No-one