Automatically playing a part

When we front, many of us find ourselves playing a part whether we want to or not. Like, I could want to act more like me, but instead find myself acting like how people want/expect the host to act like without even intending to and even to people who know about us. Is this is a sign that we’re actually faking? Is it a sign that I’m not actually fronting and am just co-conscious? Is it an automatic thing we do because we don’t feel safe being ourselves around outsiders (even if they know and haven’t rejected us yet)? Part of it may be because we tend to lose memories of ourselves when we front, so we may not remember how we, ourselves, would act, but we know how we’re supposed/expect to act. Is that a sign we’re faking?
In any case, I feel like we don’t have much agency (if that makes sense) and I would like to remedy that.
I know no one can really answer that for us, but if anyone else has dealt with something like this and/or has some insight, we’d love to hear about it.

In here, the others do tend to "hide behind me" in order to act with the outside world (I'm the host). A bit like, wearing a mask of me, or wearing me as a mask? Which sometimes makes me wonder if I really am a person, or just a sentient mask... Or maybe I'm both?

Anyway, such masking can be seen as a survival behavior. In a world of singlets, it's safer to pretend to be a singlet rather than to let the multiplicity shine through. Even when we talk to the cat (I mean, our physical pet cat, not another system member) we sometimes put on the "me" mask. It's a habit.

Does not mean you're faking being multiple. It just means that you have an automatic masking or filter when you act in the physical world. In my opinion, that is. You might discover it's something else for you.

--Zami--

I think, such a good point we don't really remember how to imitate. I ask this very thing to my headmates, if they are to remain covert during the history why do they seem to find a different way to be while around outsiders.

The best suggestions I have received is to make a mental note it and try to find that cooperation you desire. Co con is what this is referred to just depends on how much you want to understand the info you read about parts. I sometimes ask for a little less of the auto pilot feeling when it irks me.

Nobody notices me from the main front "me" she's calling herself but she basically has the body name. The difference between me and her is very subtle. I'm a massive geek. She's like the in-between of me and No-one. No-one was basically a street rat but she is trying. Someone thought she was pushing in a queue earlier and she said "I'm not pushing in. I don't want a fight" the woman said "go in front, I don't want a fight" but she wasn't even in the queue, she was making a joke, I don't think she realises how she comes across. Anyway the main front is like the in-between of me and No-one. She knows things we did, she knows things we like but she doesn't have knowledge of them - if that makes sense. She knows in theory she can do things but she can't do them herself - if that makes sense.

Where No-one says things directly to people, I say things directly about myself. We both get taken wrong, she has diplomacy. Her relationships with people are smoother, me and No-one can live without relationships of any kind. I get into stuff, have to learn it, No-one only cares about herself and to an extent the system but she'd ditch us all given half a chance if she thought she could which she can't because she isn't bright in ways I am for example. The main host has the basic need for connecting with outsiders we do not have. But the difference is so subtle nobody notices. She has only started to know the difference by realising she doesn't know how to do things No-one knows how to do and she doesn't know about the things I've studied. This is new to her. I could sit here and learn something for months, she can't because she values social interaction too much to dedicate time to learning. If we swish in and out of her, I don't know the right term because I'm not Karen and I cba to get Karen to give me the right terms, then she has limited access to our info. If we're fully present alone without her then we have full access to our own stuff.

So for me it's not so much of playing a part it's that the difference is so subtle that it's not noticeable. Eg. I like Nirvana. She thinks she likes Nirvana. No-one likes Garage music, she thinks she likes Garage music. The O.L likes vampire stuff, she thinks she does except it frightens her. I don't think it's a case of her needing to find stuff she personally likes because she personally likes chatting to people and is happy just knowing what she already knows. She is sort of all of us. She's ok on her own but, I dunno how to explain it, lol, No-one just said "she's a basic b****" but she doesn't mean it nasty, she means it like she's happy with the norm - mainstream radio, talk shows, nothing out the ordinary or sets her apart. She likes to blend in, disappear in a crowd, go unnoticed, be like everyone else. I didn't. I liked tie died clothes, braids, had a nose ring. That's why we made "the uniform" to iron out observable differences in character.

How we speak, the word patterns we use, is different. Like I said she has diplomacy and relates to others better. Subtle differences. Basically I can just be myself except I used to think other people were the problem when I'd accidentally get into arguments, arguments she'd never have, only recently I realised me and her can say something with the same intent but I say it differently and that causes problems especially when people are used to a more diplomatic method of communication coming from a person.

I dunno what to say in your predicament other than "be yourself"

Beth

ArbreMonde wrote:Anyway, such masking can be seen as a survival behavior. In a world of singlets, it's safer to pretend to be a singlet rather than to let the multiplicity shine through. Even when we talk to the cat (I mean, our physical pet cat, not another system member) we sometimes put on the "me" mask. It's a habit.

Does not mean you're faking being multiple. It just means that you have an automatic masking or filter when you act in the physical world. In my opinion, that is. You might discover it's something else for you.

That sounds like us. Thanks.

Baldanders wrote:When we front, many of us find ourselves playing a part whether we want to or not. Like, I could want to act more like me, but instead find myself acting like how people want/expect the host to act like without even intending to and even to people who know about us. Is this is a sign that we’re actually faking? Is it a sign that I’m not actually fronting and am just co-conscious? Is it an automatic thing we do because we don’t feel safe being ourselves around outsiders (even if they know and haven’t rejected us yet)? Part of it may be because we tend to lose memories of ourselves when we front, so we may not remember how we, ourselves, would act, but we know how we’re supposed/expect to act. Is that a sign we’re faking?
In any case, I feel like we don’t have much agency (if that makes sense) and I would like to remedy that.
I know no one can really answer that for us, but if anyone else has dealt with something like this and/or has some insight, we’d love to hear about it.

I don't know how it is for others because our core self has always had autism and exposure anxiety severely since early childhood. Our 'true self' if you like - found they cannot function in the outside world without some kind of filter, otherwise they were constantly traumatised by 'sensory overload' from sounds or too much visual processing and physical contact issues with textures.

NOTE: When I say 'physical contact issues' I mean things that are seen 'normal' by the rest of the world.. ie taking a childs hand to cross a road, helping them dress or just relatives wanting to give a hug for 'hello/goodbye' not in the sense of 'abuse of physical contact'. and us not being able to stand certain textures against our skin and of food etc.

Once in childhood we genuinely experienced hearing difficulties due to another medical condition. People were quick to rush in.announce us 'deaf' and give us hearing aids which we hated because they amplified everything, but discovered by accident when left turned off they muted the outside world to a level we could cope with.

After co-incidentally meeting some deaf kids and watching them sign and realising we never had to speak in public again (selective Mutism had also been a problem for us throughout childhood and a phobia of speaking out loud) if the body was seen to be deaf our first 'adult alter' emerged who stayed up front as our social mask/world filter for over 15 years, even though the body did recover its hearing during that time (although we did not have enough awareness at the time to know we were autistic or understand what auditory processing disorder was and how that differed from 'hearing difficulties).

'Deaf Thea' helped us achieve college, university from late childhood to early/mid 30's. At the time we had no awareness of 'others', of being a 'multiple' and wasn't even diagnosed as autistic until late twenties, by which time we had left university anyway. We never considered it faking, there was a genuine difficulty processing sound and seperating one sound from another in situations where there was lots of background noise, we had just been given (by a qualified Dr many years in the past) the wrong diagnosis/explanation for what we experienced.

This was before the days of the internet and been able to access medical journals and other info that may have led us to our true diagnosis much sooner in life. (also before DLA existed or before we were put on it by social workers/care staff when we later entered a unit for people with autism, as the benefits paid part of the care fees whilst we were there).

We also experienced a trauma later involving hospitalisation and needing a wheelchair (we genuinely had neurological symptoms our GP believed to be a possible 'MS attack' at the time). Again people rushed in and took over as it was known we had autism and 'wouldn't know what to do or what they needed' and before we knew it we'd been issued a wheelchair and put on the list for an adapted property and given a PA (personal assistant!). Again our brain genuinely struggled to process all this and just retreated into its own world , the 'true self' couldn't cope with dealing with the huge amount of daily change we had to suddenly deal with and 'Maddie' was born. Social Media (which existed by then) kept her existing long after the body had again recovered and 'Kit' started coming back up front (but only when no-one else was around).

Our system creator can see how a Neuro-typical, singular 'normal' adult may look at the body and think a singular 'I' was responsible for faking or fraud, but they don't know the full story and indeed we didn't either ourselves until these last recent years, when the original self developed enough understanding and emotional growth to be able to understand the concept of 'being a multiple'.

Because our 'Maddie' was the one associated with the bodies physical level of ability for the last 15 yrs and is consequently what others 'see' when they look at the body, we also feel we have to 'pretend to be Maddie' for certain events too because we know they just wouldn't understand!

We have learned to get round it to some extent by changing how we describe the bodies physical ability ie instead of just saying we are 'Deaf', we say we have difficulty processing sound and struggle to seperate speech from background noise' which is true and also fits the description of Auditory Processing Disorder and Auditory Neuropathy as well as being something 'deaf people' also struggle with, so our description of our difficulty is factually correct!

We are not saying we cannot hear at all, it is just others that have incorrectly assumed that 'deaf' means being unable to hear at all all, when like a lot of things out there , there is a spectrum and different level of degrees of difficulty! ..in the same way its not your fault if others incorrectly assume that people with DID have full control over their alters coming forwards and how they behave when they do front. (ie its NOT you faking, it’s just for you how your system works)

Human Rights been as they are, you can always sue them for 'disability discrimination' and falsely accusing you over something they don't fully understand if anyone ever confronted you about it!