Multiplicity as the end goal?

Hey Mo,

We agree with the others. These are both not good options.

*** trigger warning : alter death ***


For us, previous host used option 1 without really even knowing she was doing it, and it didn't just break her, it ended her .When she couldn't suppress & deny & stuff any more, she fell apart, we went into crisis mode, & she destroyed herself because she couldn't face the stuff she'd been avoiding for so long.

*** end trigger warning ***

We couldn't even comprehend option 2, that's just retraumatizing and abusive... tho so is option 1, tbh. Sorry thats the stuff your T is presenting you with.

But we're glad you're already kinda ontop of the cooperation & teamwork kinda thing. That to us is more important. Gets you functioning. Its great that you're considering working again too.

Viola

MeMyselfMaureen wrote:Intergration as my T was pushing was either
1) choose one alter to be. suppress/mask the rest
2) forcefully pulling down all walls and share trauma without working on it

I would be very uneasy with that T, at best- and some of us would be terrified of what damage could be done from such efforts.

#1 ignores the REASON and PURPOSE of dissociation and how alters come to be... and directly goes against "wholeness" of the person that even mainline psychology apart from dissociative disorders is concerned with. It's actively segmenting, permanently if successful, the person to just a PORTION of the whole. VERY sketchy and likely dangerous in the long term.

2) THIS is something we're struggling with OUR T over, too- b/c they tend to use that "whole person" model of basic psychology. That's FINE for singletons, who have a sense of self that IS all-inclusive... but for dissociation, particularly DID, the self is NOT whole. You can't just force pieces together.

I like to think of it like a puzzle, where the image is made up of a mosaic of images/photos. Each part has small pictures in them that when looked at together create a whole single image.
WOULD it be best if all parts were unified? Absolutely. The whole picture would be clearer and understood by all plugged into their place. Does this mean EVERY PIECE needs the whole picture on it?! NO!

Can the whole become a single? Maybe, but that's getting ahead of ourselves at this point- the "dealing with trauma" point. Unified doesn't NEED to mean "singular", just singularly working- ie, working to show the same presenting whole, the betterment of ALL parts. A puzzle can remain parts working together, too- if that's what is best for the system.

BUT to force one part to somehow address or feel the content of another part is risky, if not outright traumatic. Various parts were separated to hold trauma from the rest for a reason. A T should know this- and should be working PER PART with their trauma, in hopes of helping the whole by getting each part healthy, so the whole can come together (naturally and organically, not forced) as a unit (whether or not this means or results in fusions/singleness).

Zor wrote:A T should know this- and should be working PER PART with their trauma, in hopes of helping the whole by getting each part healthy, so the whole can come together (naturally and organically, not forced) as a unit (whether or not this means or results in fusions/singleness).

And all of that can only happen after the system (and most of the individual parts) have developed a secure, trusting relationship with the T, which can take months or years, depending on core beliefs and attachment issues (which are different for each part).

Hi,

Some questions for your T...

#1 - Do you know that DID is caused by overwhelming childhood trauma?

#2 - Do you know what 'trauma' means in question #1?

#3 - Why do you punish clients who can't deny their trauma?

#4 - Who the F*CK do you think you are?

Iain

TheGangsAllHere wrote:

Zor wrote:A T should know this- and should be working PER PART with their trauma, in hopes of helping the whole by getting each part healthy, so the whole can come together (naturally and organically, not forced) as a unit (whether or not this means or results in fusions/singleness).

And all of that can only happen after the system (and most of the individual parts) have developed a secure, trusting relationship with the T, which can take months or years, depending on core beliefs and attachment issues (which are different for each part).

Exactly. Kind of what we're facing with our T and Angel. He's scared, he's the primary trauma holder for us- suffered the worst stuff both as a toddler and a tween. He's got anger and bitterness about it - even if not an angry or bitter person in general... but he's NOT keen on talking about what happened to him. And our T keeps thinking (by how he acts anyway) it's just "making him talk" or "making ME accept/see the bad stuff". _I_ didn't live it. I can't feel/see/remember it- not without dragging Angel through it and that amnesiac wall between US failing and breaking... which honestly I think should ONLY HAPPEN once Angel is ready to deal with it and talks about it FIRST.

It is a process, a long one- and dealing with the various elements/alters/parts... is like a different patient in many ways... they're all different people... even if in ONE person. That all has to be taken into account...

The walls are there for a reason. When you don't need them they can come down. Your T needs to work on the trauma. Sometimes Ts try to fix the DID. That's pretty dumb. It's the trauma that hurts. The DID is what keeps us functional. Lots of Ts have the whole thing backwards.

Colin

What Colin said.

My T reassured us at the very beginning that "no one has to go away." And his focus is on helping us get better at taking care of each other and listening to each other, and helping anyone who's hurting.

IainEtc wrote:The walls are there for a reason. When you don't need them they can come down. Your T needs to work on the trauma. Sometimes Ts try to fix the DID. That's pretty dumb. It's the trauma that hurts. The DID is what keeps us functional. Lots of Ts have the whole thing backwards.

Colin

Great way to put that. I will have to remember this... I might even put it on page in our new bullet journal!

"The walls are there for a reason. When you don't need them they can come down.
It's the trauma that hurts. The DID is what keeps us functional."

I like that. A good reminder it's NOT the negative thing people assume.

Although I found it stressful at first and didn't realise what was happening (thought I was having some kind of breakdown or 'mid-life crisis') I have decided I quite like the fact that there are multiple alters within, as a person with autism I often struggle with people making demands of me and looking back realised I have always dealt with that by 'changing characters' (as I called it back then unaware DID existed) for many years I thought my role playing was a conscious choice but now I'm not so sure?

Many times the alter up front at the time of one event has suddenly switched if something else suddenly happened that 'the system' or 'core self' viewed as a threat and the switch was suddenly beyond my control. Even if I've tried to actively resist I feel something/someone from within screaming 'SWITCH" at me, then before I can do anything further about it the switch has happened. That level of intense panic frequently triggered alot of stress and 'sensory overload'.

Now I have an understanding of how 'my system' works ..I plan ahead and delegate and it's really helped with issues like agoraphobia, panic attacks,sensory overload etc to know ahead of time...ok Sioux is doing this event she can cope with it better, Daisy (child alter) would like to visit the park so an adult alter needs to be present too, or Kit working out at this time cos no-one will be visiting etc

We've managed to give Maddie a good 6 months break, though she'll be needed for some appointments in January, we'll plan ahead and make sure she gets as many breaks as she feels she needs, though the whole system 'feels' her recovery as everyone feels happier or at least 'more content'.

For us I'm finding having multiples a big advantage personally rather than still stuck with the belief I'm only a single personality whose getting way more thrown at me than I can deal with at the minute. Everyone has now decided now we all know about each other no-one wants to be stuck up front constantly dealing with everything alone for years on end until that alter reaches 'breaking point'.

We have decided to not go for a formal diagnosis (at this stage - our decision could change at a later stage) and continue to keep 'our system' a secret weapon to presenting a united front to the outside world.

I've been reading this thread, finding it informative but not really having anything I felt I could contribute until I read Zors post.

We try to "present as a whole" That's been our aim for around ten years. Work together making compromises so we can present as a whole with the aim of making our life more full and productive.

This is not maintainable long term unless you address and deal with trauma. We maintained it until we came here, because Rose woke up the twins and the system started to collapse and then we ended up in hospital.

We thought we could work together and present as whole and it'd be enough. Which it was for a number of years but getting into a relationship where our bf spotted we were different at different times caused a melt down. We got past that but then life events with our outside children and parents forced trauma to the forefront and that was hospital.

After hospital Paul forced fragment memory forward. Effectively broke dissociative barriers. The old fronting system is so traumatized it can't cope, none of them can. Beth is the only part who has benefited somewhat because she isn't holding all the upset and depression now because other parts who were ok are now sharing it.

The outside front system now is Paul, No-one, Beth and I just call myself me. Mandy seems to be the only part who hasn't been effected by the system collapse. She knew or knew of all parts. She isn't traumatized by past and she was in a sort of time capsule until about 15 years ago stuck at age 5 but woke up in an adult body. Nothing seems to phase her which I believe is to do with living with the twins internally for my / her whole life. Every other part has been severely effected and the only reason I'm still functioning is because of the ASPD type parts Paul and No-one.

So I firmly support what is said that trauma work with a therapist needs to be done and barriers safely and slowly broken before there is a hope of working together long term to present as an overall whole if fusion is not happening or wanted.

Working as a whole without dealing with trauma can work but get too triggered and it breaks down quite easily.