Drowning in way too many emotions (tw: ill pet)

Hey!

We are like stuck in a nightmare. There are so many emotions and I feel like I'm drowning in it and being at fire, and stabbed in the heart at the same time. And I can't wake up. It feels awful. Very physical, but also mental pain...

We are super mixed up right now and very fast switching additionally. Sometimes switches/overlays every minutes, with very different emotional set, which then stay and add on top of each other: anxiety, mourning, deepest love, despair, hope, hate, anger... everything at the same time.

I just don't know how we could stop that somehow, because it feels like driving us literally crazy


********* Trigger Warning: ill cat, death

The main reason is our cat, which is seriously ill and we are kind of burdened with the decision if we want to help her die. It is soooo ######6 hard. We have to wait from hour to hour, maybe day to day and see if there are signs of improvement, or getting worse

Being confronted with loosing our closest friend (despite being an animal), which lived with use for our whole adult life and which was the main reason several time, for some parts, to not make suicide attempts... it is very close to being too much. And on top of it, we have to decide if we pull the trigger maybe too early, or risk her suffering more than necessary

*******end Trigger Warning


Additionally Alea called our mother this morning, crying and sobbing in deep despair, despite our mixed relation ship with her. For Alea it was very helpful. But it also opened up more wounds and emotion which we don't feel able to handle.

Usually we do this emotional handling by staying more apart (at least I'm handling emotions usually by just not being that emotional). But right now, we are very far from such a state.

I started to write this here, because... writing itself sometimes helps.
Till now, it doesn't help :/ and I'm seriously looking for some advise how to handle this emotional overload. I don't know how long we can handle this. We feel already like a pressure cooker on step before exploding

I wish I could just turn it off. Everything. Waking up from this nightmare. Or at least turning off the emotions

Any ideas, advises, exercises we could try?

-Autumn

You could try deep breathing. Earth, Wind, Fire and Water or creating a safe place inside. I'm so sorry about your cat. Pets are family.

Hi Autumn,

We lost a cat earlier this year that we had had for almost 18 years. I had never had to put down a pet before, and the whole process was very stressful and upsetting. There are mobile pet euthanasia services here, and they also help you decide whether or not it's time. I don't know if you have access to that. It helped me feel better that she could be at home, in a familiar room. In retrospect, it wasn't a good idea for us to see the large needle that was used. We should have looked away. But it was comforting to be there with her, and to see her relax and not be in pain anymore.

Whatever grounding exercises have helped you in the past, try them now. Also, it's ok to take a break by watching a movie or reading a book--some kind of temporary escape so that your nervous system can have a chance to regroup. Do you have to watch the cat every moment, or can she be alone for a 15 minutes or a half-hour?

I wish I had something more to tell you. Do you have a stuffed animal or blanket or any other comfort items that the littles like to hold? Do you like hot tea or cocoa? Maybe imagine what you would do for a friend who was going through this.

Also, can you contact your T? Maybe a reassuring text or email would help you also?

the Gang

Thanks Rive and Gang. Your answers are very appreciated.

Breathing helped yesterday in the most intense moments.

Later I realized, that we kinda forgot, that we had an outside body, which needs also some care. We didn't sleep, we didn't eat and just didn't notice it. No wonder our brain started to go awry. After getting some sleep next to the cat (and with a stuffy in our arm) and after eating something, the total chaos started to improve slightly.

The emotions are still here and intense, but it doesn't feel, like we are eaten alive by them.

It was also a good advice to take some breaks. It doesn't help our cat if we are so tired out, that we make wrong decision. We bought some nice tea and we try to make some small breaks here and there. This also helps.

Also thanks for sharing your experience with your cat, gang. We searched for a similar service here and have now fond a vet in the city, which will come to us, when it is time, or to help to decide if it is time or if something else can be done for the cat. We feel more relaxed now. It is still a heartbreaking thought, but it's comforting, that the cat could stay in her familiar environment.

Right now she is a bit better, but I try not to fuel the lingering hope of some of us, the she will recover. It is probably just a little bit more time to say good bye.

Thanks again!
-Autumn