Do your alters talk past the moment

Well I guess I would put it like this. You know when someone trips on the sidewalk and you want to laugh because they looked stupid. Well Thorne feels like that but on steroids because it doesn't seem normal like that. She thinks it's funny when people die in tragic events or bad things that happens to people. It's not all of the time. Just some of the time. I feel my facial expressions change into this little evil smile. I feel this excitement that's different than any excitement that I feel with anything else. It feels heightened and sometimes depending on what it is my harm obsessions will pop up. I still have the feelings of what in the world is this about, feeling guilty but I also feel the evil excitement. That's why she's bad.

Rive wrote:I'm more curious about how I would know that Thorne is an alter. Actually disquinished enough to be an alter if I've never switched and not just a part the way everyone has parts. Also, if it's going to help or hinder me to just to see them as parts everyone has. Like just an exaggerated part of me that's bad because I felt my mom perceived me as bad. Or an actual alter that is bad.

Everyone does NOT have dissociated parts. They have EGO STATES that still feel like them. If it doesn't feel like you, then it is not a part "like everyone has."

Also, you're not going to get anywhere with establishing communication with her if you keep referring to her as "bad." She has a very important job within the system that has helped you survive a good part of the emotional abuse from your mother.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Also, you're not going to get anywhere with establishing communication with her if you keep referring to her as "bad." She has a very important job within the system that has helped you survive a good part of the emotional abuse from your mother.

This.

If you would not have DID and parts who were able to be with people like your parents, sexually abusive, sadistic person could be all you would be now. But instead of that, other parts took the forbidden feelings from you for themselves to carry, so you could remain as a "good" person, as you would call yourself. You owe them for doing that for you, instead of that making you better than them. You would not be like you are without them.

They are not liked by other people, but they should be loved by you and your T. They saved all goodness in you, and you have no right to ever use it against them and refer to them like they were lower somehow. They're not, they're your savers.

Their actions may not be actions right to do, but they carry burden you couldn't, and they still do it FOR you. And you should be very understanding and thankful for that. They can heal their ways and learn they are not bad, and change, but not as long as people who should help them ( you and your T) view them bad as well, as something to punish and take control of. They're separate from you, because they were too forbidden to you to remain inside your own identity, and more you try to force them go away, more separate they will be. More separate makes them more independent, and able to act regardless of what you think about it. So if you want to help them change, you as a whole change, you treat them the way they have a reason to want to co-operate with you.

I had forbidden feelings too, like traumatic hate and anger. I've not once said anything negative about a part who holds those feelings, and never will. Other people have, and I feel for him because of it. He has already grown a lot and has a good heart, he has taken excellent care of me and the rest of us and kept us safe, and if he sometimes gets more angry than I think was needed, I do know why, and am happy I don't have to have that hate inside me, because it feels awful. He's one of us and I'm on his side same way he has been on mine.

Yeah, I guess just now with this IFS and object relations theory my t is talking about I'm getting even more confused about what is just parts of me that polarized being bad through object relation theory or what is dssociated part of me. That's not good.

IFS and object relations theory are not meant to be used with DID. Some ideas from IFS can be used, but it has to be adapted because it's not meant for dissociated parts.

Well, will it hurt Me? Will it makes things worse for me. My T is a EMDR therapist.

Also, we all have parts. Maybe my part that wants to go to the restaurant and be with people is out but also my part that wants to just stay home is out. That is me having conflicting desires within myself. So with Thorne it could be the good part of me thinking something is awful but the bad part of me thinking it's funny. Because my mom always treated me like crap and like I was an awful person maybe I wanted to prove her right and part of me is bad. So how is that Thorne is an alter not a part that everyone has?

You think what you like to think. Your doing it again.

I don't like to think anything. I just don't understand. I'm not trying to talk myself out of DID. I just genuinely don't understand. It would be better for me to understand so I can say ok this is what I got and move on with my life.

Rive wrote:Also, we all have parts. Maybe my part that wants to go to the restaurant and be with people is out but also my part that wants to just stay home is out. That is me having conflicting desires within myself. So with Thorne it could be the good part of me thinking something is awful but the bad part of me thinking it's funny.

I will say this one more time, and then I'm not going to respond again to any post of yours that says "everyone has parts." Everyone DOES NOT have parts that feel NOT LIKE THEM. If it doesn't feel like YOU, it is not an ego state. It is NOT TRUE for singletons that they feel like "part" of them wants to go to a restaurant and "part" of them wants to stay home the SAME way that ANY OF US with DID/OSDD feel like part of us wants to do something and part of us wants to do something else.

When a singleton says "part of me" they are referring to a way that they feel sometimes--they are not referring to a feeling that doesn't seem to belong to them. They certainly don't NAME those feelings of theirs!

You're not saying, "Oh, sometimes I'm in a mood when I find those horrible events funny--I'm ashamed of myself right afterwards, but at the time I can really see the humor in them!" You're saying, "I never find those things funny, and sometimes I feel taken over by someone who does find them funny, and it's distressing to find myself smiling and laughing about them when AT THE SAME TIME I don't want to be doing that."

Do you see the difference?? I can't make it any clearer than that. And please don't respond until you have read this reply through carefully 2 or 3 times and spent at least 10 minutes carefully thinking about the differences I described.