Can someone provide a link?

andiKirkwood wrote:here is a link to how that phrase began. it was never about DID but people started using it about lots of things, anything where someone is making changes to others beliefs by just being their self.

forums can even be this cause people post then readers start thinking and making changes. sometimes good changes sometimes bad changes.

** link removed by moderator **

by the way the one that keeps calling me irresposible just because I post things they know not about needs to stop. I dont go around these boards calling other people names that shouldnt be calling me names neither just cause I have posted something they dont know about.

if you go on the original creator and its trade marked definition, add Rives posts you get what I said.

Rives T says to rive she been abused, rive starts having voices saying they been abused. rives t says rives mom abuser rive starts having voices saying abuse by rives mom. Rive sees show about little girls having things hurting them and rive starts having voices / thoughts that hteir mom did these things. someone on a forum tells rive they are an alter after rive says no and then rive starts thinking they are an alter.

now someone saying rive is passive enfluence and rive is thinking they may be passive enfluence.

Rive no one can tell you how to think, what anything is inside you. only you T can do that. maybe you go to T and talk about this with T?

maybe not watch more shows about kids getting hurt help you
maybe not reading things about kids getting hurt help you.

That link is to the random blog of some guy who calls himself a life coach and has decided he can trademark a phrase that is already in use and means something else!

Andi, this is a DID forum, and Rive's question was about a common term used in DID. I provided a link to the definition that she was requesting.

andiKirkwood wrote: someone on a forum tells rive they are an alter after rive says no and then rive starts thinking they are an alter.

now someone saying rive is passive enfluence and rive is thinking they may be passive enfluence.

Rive no one can tell you how to think, what anything is inside you. only you T can do that. maybe you go to T and talk about this with T?

This is completely inaccurate. Rive has been struggling with denial and asking questions about her experiences. She has been DIAGNOSED as having DID by several professionals, including her current therapist.

And are you actually saying that your T has the right to "tell you how to think"???

I agree that nobody does--not even a T. People on this forum are trying to offer each other help and support with issues that they ask for help and support with.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:That link is to the random blog of some guy who calls himself a life coach and has decided he can trademark a phrase that is already in use and means something else!

Andi, this is a DID forum, and Rive's question was about a common term used in DID. I provided a link to the definition that she was requesting.

andiKirkwood wrote: someone on a forum tells rive they are an alter after rive says no and then rive starts thinking they are an alter.

now someone saying rive is passive enfluence and rive is thinking they may be passive enfluence.

Rive no one can tell you how to think, what anything is inside you. only you T can do that. maybe you go to T and talk about this with T?

This is completely inaccurate. Rive has been struggling with denial and asking questions about her experiences. She has been DIAGNOSED as having DID by several professionals, including her current therapist.

And are you actually saying that your T has the right to "tell you how to think"???

I agree that nobody does--not even a T. People on this forum are trying to offer each other help and support with issues that they ask for help and support with.

no I aint being inaccurate. read rives threads here and other places and you will see that someone keeps telling rive they are an alter after rive says they were not an alter right then when they posted.

people even tries to tell me here that I was an alter when I aint. even after I posted when I was carol and when I was andi. Andi not an alter but yet someone here keeps trying to say Im an alter. just like they done to rive. Rive post no they are not an alter someone come on saying they are an alter. read rives threads you will see someone saying the words "you are an alter" to rive even after rive say no.

I know some people believe that even the main one is alter for their self. they dont need to be calling everyone else on forums alters.

no I aint saying Ts should be telling people what to think. Rive have T so Rive has someone professional to ask about these things. Only Rive can decide what Rive thinks about what T or anyone else says.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:That link is to the random blog of some guy who calls himself a life coach and has decided he can trademark a phrase that is already in use and means something else!

Andi, this is a DID forum, and Rive's question was about a common term used in DID. I provided a link to the definition that she was requesting.

andiKirkwood wrote: someone on a forum tells rive they are an alter after rive says no and then rive starts thinking they are an alter.

now someone saying rive is passive enfluence and rive is thinking they may be passive enfluence.

Rive no one can tell you how to think, what anything is inside you. only you T can do that. maybe you go to T and talk about this with T?

This is completely inaccurate. Rive has been struggling with denial and asking questions about her experiences. She has been DIAGNOSED as having DID by several professionals, including her current therapist.

And are you actually saying that your T has the right to "tell you how to think"???

I agree that nobody does--not even a T. People on this forum are trying to offer each other help and support with issues that they ask for help and support with.

the guy in the link is a medical doctor in florida who came to speak at our college on medical things and to the english classes about writing books. and told us how he came up with the term, what it means and that he had trade marked it. I met the guy and gots a picture with him, he's not just some blogger, he's a doctor, author and well known guest speaker and life coach. complete with all the credentials

Well the problem is, is that yes I am worried that these voices/thoughts are just things that were suggested to me and not really happened. The other problem is that was a different thread. In this thread I wanted to know what passive influence is not because someone suggested it but because I didn't know the difference between what was switching and what was passive influence. Just for my own knowledge. My therapist is not a DID therapist (but she did diagnose me DID) but I have been diagnosed by a DID Psychologist. Knowing terminology would just help in therapy because we are using a workbook on dissociation right now.

Andi, like i told you when you came in, you can’t come in here and tell people they can’t disagee with you, only you can disagree about things. That is not how things work in world, you don’t get to decide someone dxd by spesialist doesn’t have DID symptoms. You can’t decide whether someone else has been abused or not. Have you thought there is a reason why different professionals told Rive she’s probably been abused, although she hasn’t believed in it?

I feel you have treated Rive wrong way several times, undermining everything she says being not DID related. Stop talking to Rive like she doesn’t have symptoms.

This is no English lesson, this is for talking about DID. I believe you understood what she asked, but wanted to tell her it’s not a real symptom she has. Agree or deny and tell your real motive to change the subject to something not DID related. I really wanna understand your inner motive behind the way talk to her.

This is the second time that Andi has tried to take a commonly used term that is specific to DID and tried to convince others that it means something else.

The first was "IFS alters" which is a contradiction in terms. ALTER means alternate identity--a DISSOCIATED part. If she wants to have a personal definition of the word "alter" that she and her therapist use, that's fine, but it isn't ok to tell other people that "IFS alters" is a commonly accepted term for parts that are NOT dissociated. It just isn't.

And she did exactly the same thing in this thread, which was to take an accepted DID term, "passive influence," and dig up some random life coach who decided that the phrase means something else. And then she accused people on the forum of using this kind of "passive influence" on others here.

andiKirkwood wrote:the guy in the link is a medical doctor in florida who came to speak at our college on medical things and to the english classes about writing books. and told us how he came up with the term, what it means and that he had trade marked it. I met the guy and gots a picture with him, he's not just some blogger, he's a doctor, author and well known guest speaker and life coach. complete with all the credentials

Well, I just looked him up, and he's a life coach without any degrees listed after his name.

He is certainly not a medical doctor, unless he hides that fact, because it isn't listed anywhere. You don't need "credentials" to be a life coach, and yes, he took the term "passive influence" and decided that it meant whatever he said it meant.

This is a DID forum--we talk about things related to DID. I don't know why you think you can come here and try to convince people that experiences they're asking about are unrelated to DID.

There isn't some kind of conspiracy to convince people that they have DID when they don't. People come here because they think they have it. When they describe experiences that others of us have had, then we say, yes, that happens in DID because it happens to me.

andiKirkwood wrote:people even tries to tell me here that I was an alter when I aint. even after I posted when I was carol and when I was andi. Andi not an alter but yet someone here keeps trying to say Im an alter...

...I know some people believe that even the main one is alter for their self. they dont need to be calling everyone else on forums alters.

You act like it's an insult to call someone an alter. It's commonly accepted current DID theory that all the parts are alters. This isn't something that we made up on this forum, and no one means it as an insult. In current standard of care DID treatment no one part is more important than another part. Whatever you call them.

Rive, I want to tell you this.

**TW RAPE AND SA**
When I was up to about age 22 I thought I had a "normal" childhood, I loved my parents unconditionally and I thought I was the problem, this crazy terrible daughter who was schitzophrenic.

I call this belief, that some parts still hold on, memory thread 1. Memory thread 1 has got thinner over the years because so much of what they do in the present backs up the memory threads that they are not "ok"

At 22 I started to realise, because of how my parents treated my eldest son, that they were not "normal" and this was very confusing and caused a breakdown but at 22 I went straight back to memory thread 1 and thought "no it's all in my head, they might not be perfect parents but what parents are and I'm probably getting it wrong, it's me with the schitzophrenic issues"

Then I had a very good psychiatrist. He never mentioned DID to me but he asked a simple question, are the voices inside your head or outside your head. When I said inside he took me off tablets and when I had my next crisis at age 25, because a family member abused my son, he sent me to psychotherapy instead of putting me back on meds.

In psychotherapy over 3 years I explored my childhood. I told the therapist things like "I slept on a wasp nest for a year because my parents said they don't nest in the same place twice and when I got stung in the middle of the night they laughed" "I was sent to the garage in the evenings, it was dark and cold and there was no lights" "my room had damp and black mould and my mother would take me to the doctor every winter with a mystery illness and when I told the doctor about the mould she got angry at my mum but my mum got angrier at me" "my joints would be dislocated and I wouldn't be taken to a doctir, my father would put them back" "anything I liked, from my cat to ballet class would be stopped if I liked it or was good at it" "my life was like a titerope of not being good at anything (or it'd be taken) but not being naughty because that was worse. Whatever I did was punished in some way good or bad" "my father was violent sometimes" "my mother was also violent but the emotional stuff was worse"

This I call memory thread2. I had no doubt in memory thread 2, at all. I know all that stuff happened. I confronted my parents about it, my mother ran off saying it was all my dad's fault and my dad said sorry. I came to terms with it, minimised contact between them and my children, and tried to carry on as normal.

Occasionally I would have these massive panic attacks if my children were at either of my parents houses and be convinced they were sexually abusing my children. Then I'd tell myself I'm crazy, that didn't make me feel better. All that made me feel better was focusing on my parents having new partners and having faith that the new partners were not peadophiles. I would occasionally have the sort of things you're having where a part would think, show images, of sexual abuse by my parents but I always put it down as my mind making it up.

Five months ago my daughter was late back from football with my dad. I started to panic, dark, alone in a car with my father - my mind raced and I was seriously concerned for my daughter especially when I couldn't contact her or my father and they were not with his wife because she did answer her phone. It was awful. A month later a part called the police and reported SA by my parents, I had another breakdown and after this breakdown trauma memories became accessible, Paul let abuses fragments into the body who were still living those traumas and it was horrible, really really awful, some has pain of being burnt - all sorts of horrible stuff.

I call this memory thread 3. I as an alter am at the end of memory thread 3. I was raped by my father at age 19 so all of these fragments to me are the truth. Some stuff I knew, some stuff was in the overlords memory and the bits fit. None of it is shocking to me, I'm not surprised, other parts had no idea and really did think still that memory thread one was reality but there is nothing to back that memory thread up with. No hugs, no warm moments, no time of feeling safe. Memory thread 1 doesn't contain memories it contains the concept "I had a basically good ok childhood" memories in that thread are memories to do with playing outside with other children, teachers who were nice to us, childhood friends and none of the actual memories in that memory thread involve my parents or even my extended family.

So I would focus on finding memories you connect with or even start off with things that weren't there... was their affection, what was your living conditions, did you receive basic medical care, what was it like as a kid? General stuff like that. There's no way my mind or my other parts would of lept from memory thread 1 to memory thread 3. They're having massive problems with it now and they've had over ten years to get used to knowing childhood was emotionally, psychologically and physically abusive, that the parents will still do controlling and abusive things now - they accept all that, they like to drift back to memory thread 1 still for a few moments but they know in reality that memory thread 2 is the reality of our childhood. Slipping back to thread 1 leaves them vulnerable and the parents will creep back into my life if a part who is more attached to memory thread 1 is around for an extended period, that's when a crisus happens, they creep back in and then they start to do their controlling behaviour or start to try to manipulate my children and then it gets too much and I end up in hospital. Memory thread 1 is actually incredibly dangerous - like I said it's got thinner and thinner and everybody knows it was the smoke screen our life was under not the reality but I suppose it's a comfort thing to keep that idea in some form that childhood was ok and normal, it wasn't. Personally I'm comfortable with memory thread 2 and 3 because I know memory thread 3, it makes sense to me, it's reality. That daily life was also how memory thread 2 is doesn't surprise me either. When I took drugs I did it to block stuff out, when I ran away it was to get away from parents..etc.

Start at the beginning, the more basic less extreme questions like was your mum kind, that's my main point.

Thanks,

No-one

Thank you, Gang, Floralie and Sarandipity for always being there for me.