Communication tools for parts who can't talk

We're trying to reach out to Jules again, when I just get to know where he is, if he one time will just appear there when we're on our way to see T. Usually on our way to meet her, there's always someone with me.

I talked about him to our T. He has desperately wanted help from the start, but he just can't come in and start talking to a strange adult he doesn't know. He's good at writing, he writes kind of symbolic way, but I can translate all to our T for him. I can talk out loud for him. I can tell how he feels like, but then I started thinking about other ways to communicate, that he could use, if he chooses to.

T could still talk, but I'm trying to create ways for him to express himself without words.

I planned maybe making a board, with different feelings on it. And then having little plastic button-type things with it. Buttons like in clothes. He could use them to show how he feels like. Ten button things to anxiousness and one to something else and three to something else. He could move them around the board reacting to what T says to him.

There are things he can't talk aloud but he can write them, and T can talk to him. But if he doesn't talk back, T may not know if he got triggered by some word or understood something wrong way etc. So he needs to be able to comunicate. T can say something and ask how he feels about it.

I also thought of making maybe different kind of things to show some other kind of stuff. Because I'm co-conscious, he's not gonna be able to cry, even if he cries, because I can't when there's someone else in the same room with us. At least with Leon it is like that, he cried but T couldn't see it, because his emotions can't get thru me that much. So he could (and Leon too) have special things to show for certain things, that are not exactly feelings. Like using little balls with symbols in them (or pictures so Leon understands them too). One for crying. Jules certainly needs one to show he switched, because he does a lot and it's not that obvious, because I'm there stopping everything from showing, and T doesn't know Jules' parts. She has a list of names and they were explained to her once, a long time ago, but I bet she can't remember, there's many.

Jules can write so he can tell who he is, if he knows. Then T could help him and explain how the board works and what the balls represent, if he shows them to a T. Simple way to show yes and no, what else? Question mark if he didn't understand. Maybe different kind of things for good cry (being relieved) and bad cry.

Have you used anything such and how? I got the idea about board with feelings and showing how much and what feelings you have from Torey Hayden's book. I remember thinking when I read it, years ago, that I would wanna go in therapy where we'd do things like that. I can't say if it was me, or Jules who thought about it then, because it could've been him. It was meant to teach that people feel more than one thing, even if there's one strong feeling (with lot of play buttons on it), there can be others with less of them. It also teaches how to listen from inside what you feel, kind of accepting way and then make it real and something you can see. It could help Jules' a lot, it can be difficult at first because he gets overwhelmed, feeling too much everything at the same time so easily he can't name any feelings, but maybe it could help him slow down. And when he can't do it, he doesn't have to.

What kind of communications tools comes to your mind and have you used any?

There are some in our system who cannot talk. The Protectors in our system cannot talk. They communicate with Purple Haze through thoughts and sometimes in dreams. They communicate with the rest of us through a sign language they have developed. Sometimes if it is urgent they will make the lights in all of inside change to a certain colour. So we know that something is going on.

We had one alter who was a mist then changed to a physical form. When they were a mist they communicated with Purple Haze by showing her weather symbols, each symbol related to a mood or feeling. Now they are physical they are doing the same thing. Maybe you could do something like or similar to this?

Either way, I hope you find something that works for you and your system.

- Autumn J

Colors, yes, Jules' system uses colors too. They all have a color, some that are very close to each other (same subsystem) use one color for all of them, but they're really blendy and hard to tell apart from each other anyway, so it's kind of natural they have the same color. They can't even themselves do that, they don't even know how many of them there really are, from 2 to 5. But for switching, if they don't know who they exactly are, they can show T a color and it tells closely enough how they are like and there's way less things for her to remember about them, when there's just few colors, not 20 separate parts that mostly probably can't tell who are they. Some parts have their own color, the ones that are not that blendy. They have orange and black, they are the deeply bad colors, all others are different shades of blue or turquoise.

So we can make something for him to show when he's feeling switchy, and when the new part is there he can tell who he is by showing his color. So we need to make a map for T that tells the colors and how part(s) with that color are like, like how oriented they are to time and place, or if they're not at all, so she knows what can she talk to them.

Thank you, color was actually an important point also to drawing emotions. I thought of making them with different colors but realized it's better like draw a face, emoji type, instead of coloring, because the parts that aren't so oriented probably understands colors differently, because that is their inner code thing that everyone has a color.

That was helpful. I'm trying to think what all there needs to be for oriented parts to be able to properly tell how they feel, but how to make it simple enough, so parts who aren't in realities can use it too. So the base of it needs to be really simple and clear. Simple enough for littles too.

There's a weird highly traumatized alter in this system who communicates through colour. It's very basic communication. Yes is green, red is no, orange is maybe, grey is I need more information, blue is - I can't remember blue.

She can understand on a very basic level, she's not stupid, she's quite intelligent but she doesn't like people and she's useless out front because she only communicates in colour and by looking at a colour - which is fine for internal communication but if an outside person is asking her a question she looks at the answer by looking at the relevant colour in the room and then says nothing. Doesn't understand why they keep repeating themselves and if there's nobody to speak for her then she just looks like a weirdo or ignorant.

I'm getting a visual message of when some doctors or some kind of medical person asked her to repeat what they said and how she felt about that - she felt they were stupid and ignorant and if they couldn't work out she'd already answered all their questions then clearly she wasn't the one who needed a doctor and why would she repeat the words of a clearly stupid man - lol, like I said she's not stupid, it's just complete ignorance to how she comes across to people, she doesn't realise how it looks and doesn't understand what everyone's problem is, so what she doesn't want to speak (that's how she sees it) but it does seem odd when usually obviously we speak.

So colour, you could use a colours. If they want more in-depth than that, your alter (ours doesn't, she thinks yes and no should be enough but people don't always give enough info for her to say yes or no apparently - which again is their fault according to her for not being able to realise what info is needed in decision making), then you could use pictures or spell out words or write if they write. She won't write, she says it's over rated and unnecessary. I can feel her opinion which is kind of weird. She's ok internally but put her in the body and she's a nightmare. I dunno why she was in the body with a doctor, how that happened. When she gets bored in the body she plays this game with the colours, I dunno the rules and she plays against herself so nobody needs to know the rules.

Anyway good luck. Non speakers are hard work.

My T has a number of visual charts that can be pointed to show to show where you are emotionally. She also uses an emotion wheel, so, again, you can just point (I both hate and like it because I can't think of how I am feeling so she'll give it to me as there's a LOT of stuff on there, and I am not always in the mood for it, but it is effective). If your T doesn't have that, you could create such tools for Jules.

Can Jules draw? Drawing is a common form of expression. Children use this to communicate all the time. Can he communicate with gestures, movement? I apologize if Jules is not a child, but it doesn't matter if he is or not, I meant in the sense that even children can use these methods and do.

I have worked with selectively mute children; it's good to have a range of things that allow them to point (your button idea also sounds good). You can make a small book with emotions or phrases in it that Jules may want to commonly use. You can help him make it. Each page could have his writing so he knows what it says, and then a translate for the T. This is a common tool used for students with exceptionalities in schools. Ex: I am hungry, I need to use the bathroom, etc. Obviously you'd want stuff connected more to therapy, so if there's common phrases he made need, use those. Otherwise, even just emotions. If Jules is young, you can also do it with pictures of faces.

Also, asking a lot of questions with simple answers they can give, like nodding or shaking their head. It obviously takes much longer to find out what they need/are trying to say, but you can get there.

With kids like this, sometimes, when they are comfortable enough, they will start to use words and communicate verbally with those they trust. They can even communicate in a room full of people because that one person they trust is there with them.

Again, not sure on Jules age, but since these methods work with children, they should for any age.

Thank you. There’s someone — I think it’s a child — within me, who might not be able to speak. I’ve just been hearing her humming or singing softly sometimes. I’d like to be able to communicate with her.

Had one who became enchanted by play dough. T had different colours that came to mean different emotions. T tells me he learned a lot from one mute. T communicated almost a whole session without either saying a word. Just smashing & forming playdough.

I have several mute parts and I am excited to try these ideas with them. I had encouraged them to talk but it never occurred to me that they could be helped to communicate in other ways. I am going to try some of these things with them.

In the event any of you know teachers, especially special needs teachers (at any age level), these could be good people to ask. You don't have to give your details, just ask about methods for communicating with children who cannot or do not verbally communicate, as I'm sure most have had such a student at some point. Or maybe your Ts can ask child Ts for some insight and advice. Again, whether your non communicating alters are young or not, since even children can, and do, use these methods, they can be successful for any age.

Even selectively mute students I have worked with who don't seem to want to communicate, they actually do, but need other ways to do so. And it takes a great deal of time and care on your part. You really have to work hard to make them feel safe and seen, and let them know you care. And then some actually do become verbal with you, though you shouldn't expect that.

You could get or make flash cards, we think that would work. That way those in question who you wanted to communicate with can point to the card. Those who do not speak, for whatever reason are difficult to communicate with. But with persistence, we think it can be rewarding. They often have a lot to say. We hope you find a way of communicating with them.

-Un-named