Disorganized attachment

As a whole, we have disorganized attachment. However, if you look at single parts it does seem a lot less confusing.

One part who always approaches, no matter what.
One part who always rejects and never asks for help, no matter what.
One part who desperately tries to find co-regulation.
One part who feels confident in themselves and has no issues connecting to others.
One part who is afraid and therefore mostly presents a false self... and so on.

What do you guys think, is disorganized attachment always linked to dissociation to some extent?

I think the part who always approaches could be the "uninhibited" type in attachment disorder, because she doesn't discriminate. Not necessarily in a good way.
And then parts who always reject could be the "inhibited type"... maybe the difference with a singlet having an attachment disorder is that they would only match to one type as a whole person?

But disorganized attachment is more complicated than that, at least that's what I think now. Other thoughts?

It probably is? Because its to contradicting not to be some kind of dissociation? Even in a single person?
I had a conversation in therapy about this a long time ago and said almost exactly what you wrote, about having al kinds of attachment inside within different alters. To me that is one of the hardest things in did next to always wanting different things and never agreeing.

interesting. I don't know.
we show mainly avoidant attachment in almost every part except for those who seem to be able to do relatively safe attachment. so at least it is not needed to have DID.

Yes, for us it is also one of the hardest things... it just sparks a lot of inner conflict and chaos.
With daily things, after years of practise we mostly agree now. Or can compromise. But this stuff lies on a deeper level...

Also interesting to know that DID can also exist without disorganized attachment. I thought I read somewhere that usually they go hand in hand, but, well, we all know that theory is just an approximation of reality (and even then, only when it is a good theory). Although you also have both healthy and avoidant? So still different styles within one person. Maybe that is what they meant by that?

I've thought about it and we might have developed to the place we are at right now.
the avoidant parts have always shown through stronger. but those who show relatively safe attachment now might have had attachment cry as a dominant characteristic years ago. So I can't promise for sure that we have never been disorganized as a whole.
but it seems to me that those who say that an attachment style stays with you for life are wrong. at least some of us made some progress. We have very stable relationships without drama.

Yeah, in adults you can have "earned secure" attachment. So it can definitely change over time and it does change for many people.

In most relationships I have no drama either. Just when people get closer, like in a romantic relationship or a therapeutic relationship. That's when my issues do come up. Most people I interact with would have no idea at all.

Generally when I've read about disorganized attachment, it's listed as a childhood attachment style. I don't think I've ever seen it listed in adult attachment, which encompasses 2 avoidant styles - dismissive avoidant & fearful avoidant, and 2 seeking styles - anxious preoccupied & healthy attachment. I haven't seen any literature that discusses whether littles experience childhood attachment styles or adulthood attachment styles or if it depends. I suspect it depends, as we have a little who is far more emotionally mature and aware than his age suggests.

From what I've read, disorganized attachment is necessary to form DID/OSDD-1. Your childhood attachment style doesn't necessarily predict adult attachment style, though, and your attachment style is often context-dependent.

Most of our parts are dismissive avoidant with a few in other categories. In romantic relationships, many of us shift towards a more fearful style, whether it is anxious-preoccupied or fearful-avoidant.

There are really needy parts in my system but they usually get overridden by more avoidant parts. Plus there's parts with antisocial traits so they are big on game playing. Fortunately they got bored of game playing due to it being pointed out and have zero tolerance of it - which causes its own problems because even healthy people play harmless games. So they're basically avoidant too now I suppose. Some parts have made good connections, bonded with people on deep levels, but they tend to make them with people who are not the best at attachment either and get hurt. At the moment we have alot of aquaintances and no friends. Which is suiting me because I've gone into a hibernation, sort out DID, focus at the moment. Paul, Lilly and Lapis Lazuli (currently making up the "I").

Interesting and helpful to hear about others' experiences. Thank you for sharing.

When I think about how I expressed attachment as a child, it probably wouldn't have been clear to outsiders that it was disorganized. Just like I do now, i already inhibited many of the internal responses. There was definitely both anxious-preoccupied and avoidant attachment going on, though. Just one with my mum and one with my dad, although the attachment with my dad would've been more disorganized, probably.

Thanks for this post, fireheart. I know that having attachment issues is common in DID but it's not something we have fully investigated. We've acquired John Bowlby's works on attachment theory but haven't read them yet. But we do recognize we've been actively working on expanding our ability to attach through our adopted son, and he with us.

For all the versions of disorganized attachment mentioned above, there are one or more of us who match, so it was interesting to take a quick inventory.

As a system, mostly based on what shows up via our hosts, our habit is generally proactive but ultimately limited attachment to others. This tends to compensate for and to some degree override those who are completely avoidant, which they're fine with as long as they don't have to do it.

Disorganized attachment is a huge area for healing for most people with all sorts of interpersonal problems, from major disorders to offputting quirks. Thinking about our own disorganized attachment, which was not our fault, has helped us become more compassionate for our own limitations and oddities, as well as for those of others.

Wikipedia article on attachment theory