WHY!????

WHY do we have to intergrate ? Why do we have to fit a normal persons point of view. I am drowning in 2nd hand $#%^ to the point where I cant protect anyone anymore. Why did I have to look at all the times I have failed all the times I was too week to protect us, the times the body was to week for me to protect us. Why do I have to feal that pain to? why should I have to be the one to pass it onto peter. I'm not passing that onto peter what good will it do? Why do any of us HAVE to know what the others went through? If we were strong enough to cope with the trauma we wouldnt have broken in the first place so why traumatise us on-mass? Why can't T's just treat us as individual people? why can't they deal with peters trauma with peter and elspeths trauma with elspeth and graces truma with grace and my trauma with me and let us all release our trauma individually. If you had 2 kids rescued from an abusive family you wouldnt put them in the same room for therapy. You'd treet them seperatly with confidentiality to avoid hurting them futher. We may share one body but we are still diferent people. We have a right to forget and a right to be healed and a right to be protected from what we donot know surely? What exactly will draging us all down into the myre acheive? Why can't we be allowed to live as a team of people acknowledged and treated as individuals?

WHY

MeMyselfMaureen wrote:Why can't T's just treat us as individual people? why can't they deal with peters trauma with peter and elspeths trauma with elspeth and graces truma with grace and my trauma with me and let us all release our trauma individually. If you had 2 kids rescued from an abusive family you wouldnt put them in the same room for therapy. You'd treet them seperatly with confidentiality to avoid hurting them futher. We may share one body but we are still diferent people. We have a right to forget and a right to be healed and a right to be protected from what we donot know surely? What exactly will draging us all down into the myre acheive? Why can't we be allowed to live as a team of people acknowledged and treated as individuals?

WHY

I don't know why your T can't treat you that way. Our T treats us that way. We're individuals and we're treated as individuals, and if someone is having a hard time, our T wants to hear about it from them and helps them with the feeling.

He says that there are reasons why we don't all know or feel the same things, and maybe someday the things won't need to be separate, but right now they do and that's fine. He accepts us the way we are and what we want to change or keep the same is completely up to us.

You have a right to be in charge of your treatment and how you want it to go. Each of you and all of you. You don't need to allow someone to do something to you that you don't want done--you didn't have a choice as a child, but now you do.

It's your choice, Mo. Not your T's, nor anyone outside your system.

Your choice.

We hope you feel better soon.

MDs

We agree with Gang and MDs.

You get to decide what your goals are for therapy, not your T. If your T is pushing integration and you don't want that, tell them.

And if you've tried telling them and they're still pushing for things you don't want, then fire them and find a better T.

team Amythyst

Thanks guys.

Fealing my bitchy self again.

SO threw a major todler sized tantrum because I didnt get dinner ready. It was his turn to do dinner. He had chosen a meal I dont know how to cook. He was deliberatly sitting at the table ignoring all the ingreadients . Then he started huffing an puffing and making snide coments. I stone walled him. he went off on one about reaping the wirlwind and how he was starting to dislike me and I'd better watch it cos he knows its the "nasty mo" and I didnt react. So he did dinner. When he calmed down I thanked him for dinner and he went all mushy "theres my smiley grace" "no its mo" " but your interwoven with grace cos your being nice and grace is the nice one" "nope just mo flying solo, have been all day buster and you didn't care until i stood up to you" cue sulky face from SO, I laughed at it.

So I guess you could say the emotional funk is over.

Thanks for being there.

That sucks.

From his perspective, I can see getting mixed up on who is out. I initially it seemed reasonable to associate insiders with emotions and functions. (Anger, lust, focus, joy, etc.) While there is a grain of truth there, and some still have emotional specialties, they are all their own people with a range of emotional responses. This awareness came gradually to me as I started seeing more of AJ's personality as she started letting her guard down a little.

Hopefully this event is an eye opener for him.

As for integration, there is a lot of benefit to co- consciousnesses. But if they are talking fusion after 8-12 sessions, even if that is your all's goal, the timeframe is laughable. I would talk to your T about realistic goals for the time you have to work better as a team and on internal communication. Do you have the option of a private therapist or is the medical system you are in your only option?

MakersDozn wrote:It's your choice, Mo. Not your T's, nor anyone outside your system.

Your choice.

We hope you feel better soon.

MDs

I agree, 100% (Pixie, too, fwiw). In fact, our T even told us this... he was initially all about integration as THE plan... but since reading and learning more, he's ENTIRELY backed off this- saying it's better to be functional and happy than forcing a course of action that is both controversial and terrifying to various people for an assortment of valid reasons... So he's changed his stance to, "If you want to, that could be ideal... but it's NOT required."

And it's "could be ideal" not "IS ideal", too.

But this is an incredibly sensitive topic and requires DEEP intimate connection and cooperation- at the minimum... it's NO ONE'S business whether you do or not! NO ONE ELSE can force that or decide it for you!

Similar here. When we first learned about the dissociation and I did my research, my thought was that the goal is integration / fusion. Since then we have switched from it being THE goal, to it being a potential goal on a list of potential positive outcomes. If we get to the point where everyone can cooperate, get enough time for their activities (shared or individual), and work together as a team most of the time I'm going to count that as a win and smile and just be happy with life.