Lilly

She's with me now, my beautiful sister. I know this sounds crazy because obviously we're "the same person" I said it's private and she said we should still post it here.

I mentioned her in a reply and then I missed her more and I cried and she came. She said she'll stay with me. I can feel them trying to pull her back though. But she's staying.

She pointed out that I did with the police what I did with the group - they didn't seem interested so I stopped saying anything. Me and her have a saying "you don't throw pearls before swine" Family isn't religious, we pick up our own sayings and we liked that bible saying. I apologised to her for calling her unreliable and she said being in that job we.were in was "pearls before swine" and we both laughed so she's intending to stay with me. - And doing my best to.

I don't want her near the bf though. She's mine. So I don't know how that will work.

If the body amnesia had set in I would of thought I missed my sister and believed I meant my actual sister and contacted her. - Lilly asked how she is but I don't really know because I haven't spoken to her. Speaking to my actual sister isn't a great idea because she's too enthralled in the mother and she's like walking on eggshells shells to be around because obviously my actual sister is very messed up too.

Sound a bit crazy again but we're going to go and do something together, watch a film probably. Because as much as we're in the same body it doesn't feel like we're one person and I have really missed her. She's like the Ying to my Yang. I'm selfish and she's kind and lovely. We'll have to talk about how to deal with the bf and this group I'm in because I don't really want her around either.

Paul (and Lilly - did use the given name but changed it for ease of purpose and less confusion, I was gonna pick something that fitted with Mandy (like Milly or Molly but that's family members names so I picked Lilly because that is the flower for rape survivors and I have a tattoo of a Lilly even though it looks like a banana lol because I got it done on the spur of the moment by an unlicensed, not very practiced tatooist. So that's why Lilly, it has a meaning).

I want to say my brother might not be the most easy going or placid person. He can do things and not regret them but he has for years and years always strived to do the right things and he does, with ease. So what he puts himself first and therefore the system, nobody else ever put us first - he's actually racking his brain to make sure if that's true. - Patrick and Rose did but I don't think that counts because they're alters. So he puts himself first and that's ok since he avoids hurting others where possible. He's even trying to be considerate of the bf because he can since the bf knows stuff. Anyway I said what I needed to say. Have lovely days. Lilly