I feel like a total fckup

TheCollective wrote:We do not have effective therapy because I seem to be untreatable because I cannot open up properly. And also because my current psychologist doesn't want to destabilize me while I have small children. I see somebody weekly and I do take meds and am about to start more meds, but that is all just for support and maintenance rather than digging.

This makes no sense to me. You already are unstable! You have uncontrolled switching and behavior that is self-destructive. Does this psychologist engage with the teen who wants out of the marriage?

What are you taking medications for, exactly?

My alters are very good about pretending to be a united front. I suspect she does talk to them because they are very social alters, but the therapists just don't realize the full complexity of DID. They don't notice they're talking to an alter even if it bit them in the butt. Even if they do notice it they don't know what to do with it.
I take anti depressant citalopram and anti psychotic abilify. Abilify for mood swings and 'voices' aka to bring more peace in my mind (have only been taking it for almost a week). My psychologist actually stopped helping me I haven't seen her in 4 months. Seeing her this Friday though. But what use is it to get them to help me if I then am the one who sabotages my own therapy.

Can you tell your psychologist what you wrote here? Maybe that will help. And if she is not able to give you the treatment you need, then she needs to get you in a place where there is. You need help for yourself but also for your children, right now, this will not go away or get better over time and they will see more of your did as they get older so treatment now is necessery

Yes I'm going to have her read this. If she isn't going to help me I'm going to the gp to get a referral for another place because I definitely can't go on like this. Thanks everyone <3

Just a thought could it be jeloucey?

I am 19/21 that's how old I feel - not how old I am. For me I went from dating my super cool boyfriend to being married but not remembering the wedding to its 11 years later and I have kid - Where the ###$ did that come from?-

My husband is not the boyfriend I remember. he is a workaholic, borderline alcoholic control freek. I went from sassy outgoing life of the party with a carear in nursing to being long term unemployed unemployable incompetent housewife who everybody treats like a moron.

I want my boyfriend back, I know my husband would be a diferent person if he hadnt spent 11 years lording it over an incompetant depressed dormat of a wife. But I dont get that person I get someone who isists I am nasty when I voice my own opineon. someone who tells me I am bad for our child when all I did was let her paint her nails IN THE SCHOOL HOLIDAYS, someone who pretends I dont exist when I slave away at the house work crediting all I have done to grace and how wonderfull it is to see her doing so well this morning.

My boyfriend liked horror movies , heavy rock, gothing up, going for walks, telling ghost stories, playing cards.

My husband makes us listen to country and western, watch detective flicks (if I am lucky) or documentories about the 2nd world war and when he finaly pulls himself out of the office plonks himself in front of the TV with a bottle of wine and moans about how I dont understand what it is like to be old and arthritic.

The only time my husband is remotly like my boyfriend used to be is in bed. but most days he pushes me away with snide comments about how I've gone all jessica rabbit on him and should he slip some bromide in my tea? - I dont even drink tea!

My husband and my boyfriend are the same man BUT my husband has been molded by growing old with grace he is comfortable only around her.

It hurts to see my future thrown away.

My husband grew old and I didnt grow with him.

He doesn't love me he loves her.

Some days I want to jack it all in. Some days I think about looking elseware but I dont because I dont want someone else. I want my boyfriend back. I'm not going to get him back. He doesn't exist anymore *.

* he probably never existed I'm pretty certain now that boyfriend was just a mirage and that husband is NPD. the reason grace hogged our mariage is because she sensed the NPD and was triggered. Grace was origanally created by the abuse from our mother who is overtly NPD. -

MO

Hey MO. My husband is autistic; I'm pretty sure he's always been the person he is now. He actually grew into a more functional and better adjusted person over the years. So no. I emphatize with your situation but that's not what's going on here. In our household I'm the one who flips around personalities, suddenly liking pop music while other me detests it, suddenly being either hypersexual or asexual, being too unpredictable for him. Etc. It's just that the Jessica's never had a choice to even be with him or not. Jennifer's chose him and Rita's approved. Jessica's and Chris never wanted him. Most of the other alters have a very good relationship with him or at least a functional one.or I guess had...the Jessica's actually do seem to go out looking for other men and they can be very seductive... I want to get them to stop but they seem to be, like normal teens from a bad past, incapable of effective communication in order to improve their bond to the husband. I think they need to learn how to shift their focus. They need to heal wounds and stop looking for someone to fill their empty hearts but they deny having empty hearts. They lack introspection like any teen from a bad past would. I understand why they are who they are but knowing everything about it isn't solving anything.