I'm tired and I feel like I lied

yeah it's difficult.

idk good luck tho truly. i thought I had DID sometimes but I'm diagnosed bipolar and am a walking contradiction.

Rive, you ARE disrespecting us, same way than your parts. You are asking for help, but when we offer it, you brush it away and ask same thing again, months after months repeating same things. It doesn't matter what they tell you, one tells you she (is she a girl?) likes berries. You don't even think you'd react normally, and say oh really, and then buy those berries to show you care, you just try to find mistakes from the way she communicated. She communicated perfectly, because you understood. The reason why you don't work together is you, not her. So stop complaining about lacking communication, they're trying their best, and you don't even try to understand what were they saying. You don't even try to understand what am I saying either. You will just repeat yourself every time anyone responds to you. That is why I think you're not looking for help. You don't use these messages as a source of help, but as a reason to get to repeat yourself.

Your all messages are saved in here. Click upper left corner, where it says View your posts. Read all threads you've started and go thru and see how they're nothing but I dOnT hAvE DID, over and over again. There's several helpful things offered to you what you can do, but you do not care about help. Yes, there's f*n many of them. That is exactly why you should read them, to see the amount of repeating you do. More than one of us has suggested you to do it several times before there were so many. Because your questions have been answered same way time after time, and we have told you that. We have told you to read your last thread ABOUT THE SAME THING again,instead of asking it again, because yo are wasting everyone's time asking again for help you're not gonna listen. We know you're not gonna listen, because best way to predict how someone is gong to react is their behavior before in same situation, and you did not listen last time either.

You have no intention to try to understand what your parts talk to you and react to it properly, as you have no intention to actually do anything helpful suggested to you. You have had months and months of time to do it, but you keep on asking it again, regardless of what has been answered to you before, this time, or next time. The answers won't change, so why keep repeating them? Really, WHY DO YOU DO IT? I mean seriously, do think about WHY and come up with answer. "I don't know I'm just bla blaa" and then the same thing over again is NOT an answer. This is a thing that needs some real work done from your side to analyze what do you gain with doing this. The answer is not something you come up in five minutes, it's a journey. Do that journey and have some insight. WHY do you repeat yourself so much?

It's impossible to communicate with you, because you don't answer questions asked from you. They are important, and you realize it. Knowing why would make you act more reasonable way. Which is why you do not think about the question, you brush it off like it never existed and repeat yourself again. You're never gonna get better by doing it.

People have all kind of traits. You have mean traits. It does not mean they can't exist inside of DID, those are unrelated things. People with DID can be monsters or they can be nice people, just like anyone else. People without DID can also like berries and going to circus. It does not mean you don't have DID, because you have parts who like to do those things. There is no other difference between people with DID and people without it, than trauma that build the walls between traits of personalty, and the trauma itself. So if you have anything same than people without DID do, it does not proof ANYTHING. If you have DID or not, is not a question you can answer based on that ever. So stop repeating it, it's not a real argument.

Now
1. Read the threads you have started in here to see the amount of repeating. Yes, it will take forever, and that is the point, for you to see how many there are and how much repeating you do.
2. Do what Pixie suggested.
3. Think about things your others have told to you and start doing those things. Buy berries, go to circus, show them you care
4. stop writing the same thing over and over again in here or in any other forum. When denial hits, go and read the tons of answers you have already AGAIN, as may times as it happens
5. Start listening to people and responding to what they say. That includes people inside you and outside you
6. Do all your T asks you to do

Personally I hope people would stop answering your repeating all together, because they just offer you a platform to your denial instead of helping. Do not ask opinions if you don't care about the answers, like you CLEARLY do not, because if you would, you would be reading those old messages now, like advised so many times before, instead of asking for that same answer again, that you're not gonna care this time either.

It has also been suggested MANY times by MANY people you would keep all denial stuff in one thread only, for you to see it more clearly, but you refuse. I know you don't wanna see it, but that is why you are in that loop now, because you don't take help when it's given to you.

There are many suggestions made to you before about how to get rid of your denial, how to help yourself with that. Go and find them, and then also actually DO THEM TOO. Reading about them will not help, only doing them helps.

You may not TRY to be disrespectful, but you are. You are also harming yourself with this behavior, because you never look back and take responsibility of seeing how you are like as a whole, how do you actually behave and what does it look like. That is why you need to go and read that stuff where you repeat yourself, because it seems like you are totally unaware that's what you do. Things you did last week or two months ago did happen, also if you don't remember it anymore, or don't wanna remember it. You need some realization, it's good time to STOP and do something that is gonna help you out of your loop. You are not happy inside there, but you refuse to come out when advised too. And that is not gonna lead you anywhere where you have not been already, only trying out new ways will.

Happy reading time, we sign ourselves out again, because we are here only to help, not to offer a platform to your denial.

Rive wrote:I'm not disrespecting anybody. I'm trying to figure out my truth. I was just saying I dont know how those things I mentioned are not anti social, psychopathy, Some kind of other personality disorder. Everybody tells me it's not but I need that picked apart. Like why its not. People with those disorders have these traits too.

Omfg. You are totally NOT taking in the replies we are all giving you.

I just explained VERY clearly why your example was dissociation. For the second time. And why all of your other examples are dissociation as well.

You have presented plenty of evidence to people on here who have DID, as well as to the professionals who have seen you in person. It is enough proof for us and for your doctors. You, this part who is still in denial, are just refusing to believe the evidence. How about this: instead of needing “beyond a reasonable doubt” you just go with “preponderance of the evidence” which is considered sufficient proof in most situations.

plot twist, he doesn't care - now he wants to know if he's a psychopath or not.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Omfg. You are totally NOT taking in the replies we are all giving you.

I just explained VERY clearly why your example was dissociation. For the second time. And why all of your other examples are dissociation as well.

You have presented plenty of evidence to people on here who have DID, as well as to the professionals who have seen you in person. It is enough proof for us and for your doctors. You, this part who is still in denial, are just refusing to believe the evidence. How about this: instead of needing “beyond a reasonable doubt” you just go with “preponderance of the evidence” which is considered sufficient proof in most situations.

^^^ THIS... All of it.

{\Pixie/}

We agree too. Which is why we barely respond to Rive. Why bother with a wall of text when all she wants is proof that she is not who/what she is? (i.e. a system) If she does not want to see what's right under her nose, what can we do?

I also quickly removed myself from this situation.
So far, it hasn't gone anywhere.
To me it seems like Rive is in hyperarousal, which means that there is no space for more complex behaviour that people can do with a more calm mind: considering what people say, connecting to others, those kinds of things.

"Considering" in itself doesn't get you anywhere, especially with a mind that is in fight/flight.

But we've told you all of it before... even to focus on calming down first.

So for myself I decided not to give it a platform/attention anymore.

I'm sorry guys.

Rive wrote:I have to pick everything apart.

Rive wrote:Everybody tells me it's not but I need that picked apart.

Those quotes say what I read in your posts and replies. It's a specific way of processing information and a problem if it's the only way. I think you're experiencing paralysis by analysis. Whether or not you see it, you're going around in circles, mentally, and I feel confident in saying that because almost all others who reply to your threads are seeing and saying that. To be clear, whether or not you have DID, you're going around in circles. It's frustrating for you and others, obviously.

For someone who isn't sure whether they have DID or not, this forum is a good place to explore that. But for someone who doesn't in the end have DID, it's not the right place to get that confirmed by posters. A peer-support forum covering a specific diagnosis is not a good place to get confirmation or agreement that you don't have that diagnosis.

For you specifically Rive, the validity of your diagnosis, which you continue to doubt, needs to be worked out with professionals. DID -- like many other conditions with forums on this board -- has a wide range of symptoms. If you come to a DID board and describe your experiences, there will likely be overlap. And most people's reasonable and fair assumption, especially given you've been diagnosed with DID, you're visiting a board for DID support, and some of your posts state "I have DID," is that you have DID.

Another reason for that assumption in replies to your posts is, as others with DID who reply to you here know from personal experience, denial of DID is absolutely normal. Dissociating traumatic experiences lies at the core of DID. Dissociating abuse isn't denial per se but they're related.

Posts along the lines of "I'm experiencing this, is it DID or not?" will elicit plenty of responses like "it sounds like DID to me" or "yes, that's DID." Whatever the replies, your mental need -- and at this point I would label it, respectfully I hope, an obsession -- to pick everything apart leads you to reject most of the answers. Actually, it feels more like deflection rather than rejection. In my experience, you don't answer direct questions directly. It appears to me that you're often not reflecting on the answers. Although you pose questions, you're not digesting the answers.

You repeatedly conclude "this isn't DID" or "I don't know what this is." This has been, is, and will continue to be frustrating to people replying and you've been reading that for a while.

I've actually seen one person -- out of many hundreds of posters here -- who was diagnosed with DID and finally came to the conclusion in many posts over months here that they didn't. Not that it mattered but I felt their conclusion was accurate.

I have compassion for your kind of circular thinking because I don't see it as conscious and I'm sure it's no fun being in such a loop. But is it frustrating reading similar posts from you, long concerned replies from others here, and your not really seeming to absorb a lot of it, yet coming to similar conclusions? Well, yeah.

If I were you, I'd avoid the "this happens, is it DID?" type of questions. They're leading nowhere, am I wrong? It's hard suggestion to make because, gosh, so many of your posts read like that. I would really, really focus on working out your diagnosis and your doubts with your therapists. Ask them to give you one or more standardized diagnostics for dissociative disorders, go get a third or fourth opinion -- on your own if necessary, go to a specialist in diagnostics.

Just one person's suggestions here and, well, I have DID.

I dont have the options you have suggested. I wish I did but I dont.